My Eros (Modern Cupid and Psyche Dirty)

If only I had reached out to you from the very start,

you would not have had the need to poison yourself.

My heart squeezes at the heaviness I sense in his words, and because I don't want the god to keep dwelling on the past, I determinedly change the subject and tell them we still have a lot of ground to cover.

"Cen was the classic narcissistic villain," I tell them with a grimace. "She couldn't resist bragging about all the things she's done, and..." I can feel my forehead wrinkling as I recall some of the more puzzling things the other girl revealed in her diabolical monologue. "I didn't know someone who's only one-third divine can shapeshift..."

"The most powerful ones can," Himeros acknowledges quietly, "but they're more the exception than the norm."

"And she shapeshifted into a human male—-"

Do you remember your lesson about kindred animals?

I look at the beast in confusion. "How do you know—-"

I...may have checked on you once or twice.

"You mean spied, right?"

If I ever catch you spying on me, I will let you off if you let me off now.

Oh, he's good.

"Deal." I feel like I've sold my soul to the devil with that, especially with the way even the angelic Himeros' eyes are twinkling at me, but whatever. It is a good deal, so...I'm just going to pretend Anteros isn't smirking and Erma isn't looking at me in disapproval.

"Anyway..." I clear my throat meaningfully. "What's that about kindred animals you're saying?"

Frogs have the ability to change their sex.

My brows fly up to my hairline. I did not know about that, obviously, but now that I do, it totally makes sense. Professor Lucious was very clear about a kindred animal's primary traits carrying over to the individual's human form. It just never occurred to me that sex-changing can be one of those traits.

"She also mentioned finding out about my relationship with you," I relay pensively. "But she never said how..."

It likely has to do with what happened in the dream world.

Since she also has divine blood,

she would have sensed the moment we broke the lock on your memories.

"Only a full-blooded god could have done such a thing," Erma adds, "and since she was already in Vermont when you recovered your memories, it was only a matter of time before she started hearing talk about your relationship with Eros."

"I guess secret societies aren't so secret, after all."

"Not around here at least," Anteros says with a shrug.

And that's something you should be thankful of,

since it is how I found out about you.

"How did you know?" It's something I've actually forgotten to ask, with all the things that happened in the past hour or so.

Patrick, your driver, was a member of our order.

He had the foresight to inform us of what's happening,

and we came back as fast as we could when we read his message.

I'm unable to answer, my throat tight, and my heart in tatters yet again. Patrick. The man's name was Patrick. I never even got around to asking what his name is. I was so caught up with thoughts of my own shit that I never took the time to ask his name, and—-

Stop blaming yourself, moraki mou.

Tears rush down my face, and I only realize that the god has changed back to his other invisible form when I feel his strong arms wrap around me. I shake my head and try to pull away, not wanting his brothers to see me breaking down, but my god gently draws me back.

It's alright. My brothers are gone.

It's only the two of us.

And apparently, that's all I need to hear, and I find myself sobbing hard against his chest.

"I n-never even got to ask his name, and he died because of me."

You have every right to mourn and grieve his passing, but make no mistake—-

It was Cenchreis, and not you, who killed him.

"But I think I could've still done something," I say jerkily, "and that's what I can't forgive myself for." A choked sob slips past my lips, and my fists clench against the urge to punch something. "Patrick was still a-alive when Cen said she's never seen the man with red eyes. He was still alive! And when Cen said those words, I knew she was lying, but I didn't do a thing, didn't even try warning Patrick because I wanted to see what she was planning, and...it was a mistake. I misjudged her. Misjudged myself and the whole fucking thing, and Patrick was the one who paid the price—-"

Eros cups my face, and the warmth of his touch just makes my tears fall faster.

If you insist on blaming yourself for his death,

then I can only blame myself for leaving you.

Is that how you wish things to be?

It's impossible not to see his point, and I slowly shake my head.