“That’s not a problem,” I said dryly, and I didn’t look at Neil. Although the loss of my job wasn’t his fault, I wasn’t quite ready to let go of bitter, unemployment related humor. “Is there anything else I should know?”
“I’ll send you home with a prescription for antibiotics and some after care instructions. We’ll go over those before you leave today, as well.”
“And I can stay with her during the...?” Neil asked. He’d tried to appear super chilled out all morning, but I noticed his left knee bouncing every now and then. I assumed it was a combination of concern for me, and the internal conflict he’d tried so hard to hide.
“Absolutely,” Dr. Jacobson assured us. She looked from Neil to me and back again. “Do you have any other questions?”
I hated when people asked me if I had more questions. It makes it so all of my questions immediately leave my mind. “None right now, but can I ask later?”
“Sure. You’re going to go off with one of my nurses for a quick medical history and physical exam, and you can ask her anything you might remember. And you’ll see me again before you’re good and drugged.” Dr. Jacobson smiled before turning her attention to Neil. “And all I need now from you is—”
Neil reached into his jacket and pulled out a checkbook. “Thank you again for seeing us on such short notice.”
“Not at all,” the doctor said, but I knew Neil was paying her well enough for coming in on a Saturday the week before the holidays. “The clinics get really bogged down at this time of the year.”
I thought about the prospect of visiting my family, my very Catholic family, many of whom drove cars with “It’s a child, not a choice!” bumper stickers. Knowing I was planning to abort brought me a little clarity. No wonder there was a pre-Christmas rush.
There was a knock at the door, and a slim young brunette woman in pastel pink scrubs stuck her head in. “Are we ready to get prepped?”
I went with the nurse, Julie, who took me to change into a gown, while Neil and Dr. Jacobson finished up the money end of things. Neil came into the room as she was taking my blood pressure, and just in time for her to put in the IV they would later hook up for anesthetic.
“I’m not going to be like, paralyzed but awake and feeling the whole thing, right?” I asked as Julie swabbed the back of my hand with a medicated pad.
“Good lord, you’re grim,” Neil said with a nervous laugh.
Julie smiled. “It’s pretty heavy sedation. You shouldn’t feel a thing.”
I tried to be really brave about the IV, but I loathe needles. I kept my eyes shut tight until I felt the tape go on.
Dr. Jacobson came in and looked surprised that Julie had gotten so far. “We’re really speeding along.”
“It’s a lot quicker when you’ve only got the one patient,” Julie said, marking something off on my chart. I wondered if she was getting overtime pay to be here.
“The faster the better,” I said. “You can give me the loopy drugs any time now.”
Dr. Jacobson nodded. “Then let’s get you into the operating room.”
When I looked over at Neil, he was chewing his thumbnail.
My heart hurt.
He has cancer. And you don’t want a baby. Don’t do something stupid, Scaife.
Okay, my brain made the point better than I ever could. I looked over at him, smiled reassuringly, and said, “Ready?”
“Yes.” He dropped his hand guiltily. “If you are?”
We followed the nurse to the OR, and Neil took my hand in his as we walked down the hallway. His palms were clammy. I thought about what he’d said about his cancer diagnosis, how he was glad I hadn’t been there, because he would have been more worried about how I was handling things. I could completely understand that now.
The table in the windowless room wasn’t like an operating table on TV shows, but more like an exam table, covered with a narrow sheet and an absorbent pad instead of paper. Neil helped steady me as I climbed up and lay back. He leaned over me while Julie stretched a surgical drape across my stomach.
He pressed his lips to my forehead and reached behind him to pull up a chair. “I’ll be right here, the entire time.”
“Thank you.” I closed my eyes. My stomach was a riot of nerves. I was trying to be calm and strong, but I was fucking terrified. At least this was way less scary than childbirth.
I looked over at Neil, and he gave me a closed-lip smile. He took my hand and squeezed it.
“Okay, Sophie,” Dr. Jacobson said, seating herself on a stool. “Julie is going to administer the sedation, and then we’ll get your feet up.”