“Well, I can tell why it’s so itchy.” The hair rubbed away from his pale scalp as easily as if I were wiping up a mess on the kitchen counter. “Do you want me to shave the whole thing, if you’ve got patches?”
“It might be best to wait for the doctor’s approval on that. Knowing how heads are, you might nick me and I’d bleed to death in seconds.” He laughed a little, and I was so glad to hear humor there. It didn’t matter that it was buried beneath layers of self-pity. All that mattered was that it was still there. He was still the man I loved.
“Good point,” I giggled, and I leaned down to kiss his cheek. The inevitable divide was happening between us again, but it was less painful this time. I knew what to expect, and I was finding new ways to battle against it and cope with it. “Maybe he can give you some extra iron and vitamin K, and we can pierce your ear at the same time. I’ve always had the hots for Mr. Clean.”
Most of his hair came right off; only a few patches remained.
“I bet Josh can take care of those,” I said, trying to remain cheerful. I got out first, quickly toweled and dressed, then helped him. When he saw himself in the mirror, he stopped as still as if his own reflection had turned him to stone.
I put my hand on his arm and squeezed to reassure him. “It’s not that bad. And it’s not forever.”
He took a shuddering breath and nodded.
I helped him to bed and got out some pajamas for him, but he waved me off. “I think I’ll be daring and sleep in the altogether tonight, if you don’t mind.”
“Ooh, never.” I slid beneath the covers and curled up beside him. He lifted his arm to put it around me, and I nestled against his bony shoulder.
He turned his head, and let out a whoop of shocked laughter.
“What!” I startled, sitting up.
“My head. It’s very...” he turned his head on the pillow and giggled like a little kid. “It’s ticklish.”
“Really?” That was actually... “That’s adorable.”
“Oh? I’m glad you find it so.” He reached up and gingerly placed his palm between his scalp and the pillow. “I can’t sleep like this all night.”
“I have an idea. Sit up.” I slipped the pillow from behind his head and pulled off the cover. “I trust you to do this without smothering yourself in the night.”
He looked at me like I was a crazy person as I worked the opening of the pillow case over the top of his head. “There.”
“This isn’t - “ His eyes widened as he lay back down. “Oh. This might work. I look a pillock, but it seems a fair trade.”
“It’s only for tonight. Tomorrow I’ll see about getting some stocking caps you can sleep in.” I planted a kiss on his brow, below the light blue band of satin embellished pillowcase. “I’ve always sort of had a thing for garden gnomes.”
He caught my hand and squeezed it before bringing it to his lips. “You’re completely mad, do you know that?”
“Mhm.” I wouldn’t tell him about Holli and Deja tonight, or my little meltdown over the apartment. It seemed so totally insignificant now, in the face of what Neil was dealing with. “But if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t love me.”
I was about to turn out the light when Neil pushed up on his side and pulled the pillowcase from his head. He half-laughed and twisted the edge of the fabric in his hands. “I know that I’m physically weak. And I know that I look like a newly hatched baby bird... but...”
I leaned back on my elbows and frowned. “Neil, I don’t care how you look—”
“No, no, this isn’t an emotional crisis. I just feel dreadfully unsexy right now. And I know I look it. But we haven’t... in a long time. That is, I was hoping... could I watch you come?”
His bashful request took me aback. When Neil wanted something sexually, he didn’t have a problem asking for it. As kinky as I’d become under his tutelage, he could still shock me. If he was being timid about asking to fool around, it was only because he thought I might reject him.
My heart twisted. He was asking permission.
That isn’t how this works.
A pulse of excitement teased me between my legs. I knew how to fix this. I smiled slowly, leaned down, and pressed my lips against his. We hadn’t been doing much kissing lately, because we were trying to be careful about not getting him sick. But he was already vulnerable; I didn’t need him to dwell any more on how ill he was.
I reluctantly pulled back. “Stay right here. I have an idea.”