“She wasn’t a part of the decision at any point,” he asserted. “She knew about Emma’s inheritance and I invited her here tonight to tell her about it, so that it wouldn’t come as a shock to her if I did pass away.”
“But you were fine shocking the hell out of me and dropping some ridiculously huge amount of money in my lap when you’d be dead and I couldn’t argue with you about it? Jesus Christ, the taxes alone.” I pressed my fingertips to my temples. Then, after a cleansing breath, I tried again. “You made me look like a fool. You let Valerie break important news to me. She knew before I did. When I’m supposed to be closest to you. You just sent her a message that she’s more important to you than I am!”
“Now, that is absurd! I thought that by not telling you ahead of time, you would be absolved from any allegations of so-called ‘gold digging,’ which you seem particularly concerned about avoiding.” His voice rose a little. Normally, I would have closed the door, but I didn’t care if anyone heard this fight. I had run out of fucks to give.
“I don’t want your damn money!” I shouted back. “I don’t want to be in your will. I don’t want to make a profit off your death.”
“Then what were you planning to do, if I were to die?” He demanded.
“I don’t know, jump in the fucking river!” I threw my hands up. “I don’t really see a life after you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. If you died, I’m not going to be consoled by money. I’m not going to be concerned about what happens next.”
“You should be!” he barked. “The Sophie I fell in love with was a smart girl. Practical. She worried about her future and she wanted it to be a good one. Do you remember her at all?”
“Of course I remember! It was just a few months ago! But things got a little weird for me, okay? You came back into my life, I’ve had no time at all with you, and now I’m facing losing you again. Permanently. And you’re making plans for what will happen to me and my life after you’re gone, and you’re making these plans with your fucking ex-girlfriend. If Valerie is so goddamned important to you, you should be living with her, not me.”
I stomped toward the door, brushing tears from my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? Neil was thinking about possibly dying, and I was throwing a temper tantrum out of jealousy.
“Sophie, don’t walk out!” he shouted, and I stopped in my tracks. When I turned, he said, calmer, “I don’t have the energy to chase after you.”
“I don’t like her, Neil.” My limbs trembled with the anger I felt toward Valerie. Anger I wasn’t even sure was entirely warranted. Neil had been the one who’d invited her here. All she’d done was show up.
“You don’t have to like her. I just work with her. She’s my business partner.”
“She’s your pseudo-wife.” I laid the allegation squarely where it belonged. “When you and Elizabeth separated, who did you go to, to talk about things?”
“Rudy, mostly,” he said, then, softer, “and Valerie, I suppose.”
“And when you wound up in the hospital and we were not talking. For those four days, who did you talk to?” I knew the truth already, and it hurt. When he didn’t answer me directly, something inside me crumpled up into a tight little ball of pain I could barely breathe through.
“Valerie and I have history,” he admitted. “That’s not something that goes away overnight. But I no more have romantic feelings for her than I do for Rudy. I trust her, because we’ve known each other for a very long time. We have a child together, and that forms a bond that we will always have.”
The last remark hit me squarely in the chest. I wondered if words could crack your ribs.
He knew instantly that it was the wrong thing to have said to me. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know you didn’t.” But not meaning to say it didn’t make it hurt any less. “You can’t use that justification to me. It’s not fair. I understand, she’s Emma’s mother, and you guys will always have that part of your lives together. But right now, it feels like you’re telling me that it’s an impenetrable wall, and that I’ll never be as close to you as Valerie is. Unless I give you a baby, which I think I’ve already made pretty damn clear that I’m not willing to do.”
“That isn’t my intention at all.” He sighed in frustration and wiped his palm across his forehead. “I just wanted to make this... I wanted to make it easy for you. I wanted to protect you from the unpleasantness of discussing my possible death.”