“Just breathe, baby,” I murmured. His clammy forehead shone with perspiration and I pressed the back of my hand against it. “Do you want a cool washcloth?”
He nodded, breathing through his nose, mouth clamped tight.
I got into the cupboard and found an unused basin, and when the nurse came in, she took the foul one to dispose of it. I got Neil the washcloth and used it to pat down his face. When he leaned back in the bed, I folded the cloth and laid it across his brow.
“Did Doctor Grant have you on Palonosetron before you came in?” Anna asked, frowning down at Neil’s chart.
“He did,” I answered for him, because he looked like if he opened his mouth, things were going to go badly.
“I’m going to call him and see if there’s something else we can give.” She looked up, and then pulled down some mouth swabs, a toothbrush, and toothpaste from the cupboard. “For when you can.”
It seemed to take forever for them to get Dr. Grant to give an order for more anti-nausea drugs. When they finally gave them and Neil managed to stop dry heaving, he was exhausted, pale, and sweaty.
“I just need to rest,” he told me, squeezing my hand weakly. “Do you mind turning out the lights?”
“I’ll do you one better and shut the blinds.” I kissed his forehead, trying not to wrinkle my nose at the vomit-and-chemo smell of him. Whatever they’d pumped into him, he was secreting it from his pores already.
Well. We were back to our most recent version of normal.
When Neil was asleep, I went out to the waiting room for some coffee. And there, playing Angry Birds on her phone, was Holli.
I could have cried. When I hadn’t gotten a call at ten, I figured she was— deservedly so— sleeping off her jet lag. I ran over to her, and she popped up for a hug.
“You’re here!” I held onto her so tight, I was worried I might snap her bones.
“Uh, I said I’d be here. You know how much I love hospitals, there was no way I was going to miss this.” She wasn’t being funny. She actually really did love hospitals. “How’s he doing?”
“We just got done with the two hour hyper-emesis Olympics, but other than that, he’s doing great,” I said, with a roll of my eyes. “He’s sleeping right now.”
“And how are you doing?” Holli followed me over to the little drinks station. I helped myself to an instant coffee packet and some hot water. “Oh, honey. No. Don’t do that to yourself. I’ll go get you some real coffee.”
I smiled gratefully at her. “Thank you. But I’m still doing this to myself. Out of desperation.”
“Like masturbating the night before your sailor comes home on shore leave. I get it.” She made finger guns at me. “I ask again: how are you doing?”
I hated admitting normal human emotions, and she knew it. “I’m scared. I mean, I knew this was going to be a lot different from last time, but the first part of chemo was so much easier for him than a lot of people have it. I was hoping he would do the same with this, too, but he went from zero to The Exorcist in three-point-five.”
“Yikes.” She made a face. “Well, whatever you need, I can do it. Lunch? Coffee?”
“Yeah. If you don’t mind, I’ll stay here.” I gave her a hug. A less intense one than before. “You wanna come to the house tonight? We can slumber party?”
“Absolutely! You guys have a hot tub. I’m there. Now, tell me what you want for lunch. And how much Monopoly money I have to take with me to get it.”
After Holli left, I went back to Neil’s room. He was asleep, snoring as loud as ever. I really hoped that would go away after he recovered from the transplant. I smiled to myself and went to my bag. I lifted out my iPad and checked my email.
There was a message flagged as urgent, from India Vaughn. I opened it, my eyes scanning her words quickly.
Sophie, you’ll never believe what’s happened. I have a friend at one of the networks who asked me about your videos. As it turns out, one of the morning shows is looking for someone young and hip to do beauty segments four to six times in the coming year. Now, you’re not their first choice; Michelle Phan passed. But Angela is willing to give you a chance, on my recommendation. Can you be in NYC in December for an audition?
I eeped. I eeped so loud, I disturbed Neil. He stirred, snorted and rolled to his side, and I had to get up to straighten his IV tubing before the alarm went off.
India had said she would help me, if she could. This seemed like a lot of help. I considered telling Neil about this opportunity, but wondered if India would get in trouble.