My brain shut up, but my mouth kept going, and I hurriedly blurted, “And no one had double—”
“I’ll put those in for you, right away,” the waitress cut me off, before high-tailing it to the kitchen.
I turned to Holli, my fake smile still frozen on my face. “Thanks, Holli.”
She half-heartedly saluted me. “Yeah, yeah. Spill.”
“Okay, well, there were more important things that happened this week than sex,” I began.
She shook her head. “No. I have something very important to tell you, but we’re not going to skip over the sex to get there.”
“Fine!” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “First of all, there was no double vaginal or double anal, thank you very much.”
“You shouldn’t be thanking anyone for that,” she grumbled. “It’s a tragedy.”
I leaned forward. “But obviously, there were a lot of group shenanigans.” I added, “And some not-group ones. But that’s not the exciting part.”
“Disagree,” Holli pronounced flatly.
“Oh, just wait.” I glanced around the table to make sure the waitress wasn’t on her return trip with our beverages, then leaned in. “We’re not just sex friends, anymore. We’re a…trio? I guess that’s what you would call us?”
Holli’s eyes went wide, and her head bobbled on her neck. “Um, what?”
“We’re all in love with each other.” The fact that it sounded so natural, so normal, warmed me inside, like someone had plugged a nightlight into my heart.
Knowing that my best friend could understand made that warmth and light quadruple. She covered her mouth and nose with her hands, her eyes shining with tears above them. “Oh, my gosh, Sophie! I’m so happy for you! Are you going to all move in together or—”
That was a bucket of cold reality I did not want sloshed over my joyous moment. “We haven’t figured all of that out, yet. We’re taking it slow.”
“And it’s not like you can have him move right on in with you, with your mom just down the hill,” Holli grumbled, seeming even more disappointed than I was at the arrangement. “I love Becky, but this seems like one of those things that she is just not going to understand.”
“Not for a second,” I agreed. “But get this. Tony just told me that they’re going to move out.”
“What? When?” Holli gasped, a hand flying to her chest. “Oh, my god! What about the hot tub?”
“I own the house,” I reminded her dryly. “We can still hot tub.”
“Thank god.”
The server placed our drinks in front of us, asked if we’d had time to look over the menu, and forced herself to appear polite when we admitted that we hadn’t. As if hearing Holli practically shout, “double anal” hadn’t already sealed us as worst customers of the day. We bent our heads and focused on our menus like we were studying for the SATs, only stopping to chat, again, once we knew we’d have an answer for her when she returned.
“Where are they moving to?” Holli asked, bringing the conversation back around.
I shrugged. “I guess they’re looking for a place but haven’t found one, yet. They said they’re going to stay on Long Island so that they’re close to us, but they’re not going to be able to afford to be really close to us, so I guess that’s good.”
“You could always just tell them El-Mudad moved into the guest house,” Holli suggested. “Remember that Kato Kaelin guy?”
“Let’s maybe not model my life after a true crime story.” I fiddled with the straw in my water, pushing ice around. “And that would never work. My mom already thinks there’s something up with me and El-Mudad, from when Neil was in the hospital.”
“That’s because your mom is a smart lady, and she knows that having a guy who looked like El-Mudad just lounging around your house shirtless—”
“He was never shirtless in front of my mother.” I interrupted.
“—would be impossible for most women to resist. Moi included.” Holli gestured to herself boldly. “Seriously, if I wasn’t a married woman, he might be worth wrecking our friendship.”
“Oh, my god, like seventy-five percent of the time I cannot even believe I’m friends with you,” I said with a snort.
The server came back and took our orders, and when we were alone, again, I was pretty sure Holli would badger me for better sex details than just “no one did double anal”. Instead, she took a deep breath, leaned her elbows on the table, and said, “So…I have something I have to tell you.”
It was hard not to panic, hearing my best friend say those dire words. It could be something bad, like, “I’m dying.” It could be something good, like, “I got a huge part in a movie.” Or it could be a little of everything: “I got a huge part in a movie, but we have to move to India so I can really establish my sudden Bollywood career. Also, we’re all dying. Death is inevitable.”