“And now, you have Olivia to think about. And you can’t find it in your heart to hate Valerie anymore,” El-Mudad finished for me.
I squirmed. “Okay, I never said that. And I won’t be held to it.”
The door to the hallway opened just a crack and Neil peeked in. “I know I’m intruding but...may I intrude?”
El-Mudad pushed the chair next to his out and Neil approached cautiously. I checked out El-Mudad’s expression to gauge what sort of front we were putting up together. I didn’t want to gang up on Neil, but I didn’t want to play Devil’s Advocate for him, either. I couldn’t get a read on El-Mudad’s calm, unconcerned face.
“We were just talking about Valerie,” I said, laying all the cards on the table. “And her history when it comes to you and me.”
“Ah.” Hopefully, that was an indication that Neil knew not to try any reframing bullshit to make her look better to El-Mudad. “Well, there certainly is...history. But things have gotten better, haven’t they?”
“They have,” I agreed. I had to give him that, since I’d just been arguing that exact thing to El-Mudad only moments before. “But that doesn’t mean either of us are ready to let our guard down where she’s concerned. Because right now it doesn’t seem like this is a problem of her not being over you so much as a problem of you not being over her.”
Neil paled. “What? No, that isn’t—“
“That might not be what it is, but it is how it appears,” El-Mudad said. He reached for Neil’s hand and covered it with his on the tabletop. “And knowing my history with Bijou...”
“I would never. I swear, I would never hurt you that way,” Neil promised. I believed him; he’d cheated on one person before in his entire life and he still felt guilty about it.
Founded-a-company-with-the-woman-he’d-done-wrong level guilt.
Maybe that was what El-Mudad needed to hear. “Baby...I think you should come clean to him. About why you and Valerie broke up.”
Neil looked at me in shame and alarm. I simply waited.
“I...cheated on her,” he said, glancing up to quickly meet El-Mudad’s eyes, then casting his back down again.
El-Mudad slowly withdrew his hand from Neil’s and sat back.
The temperature in the room seemed to drop. Though I’d known about Neil’s infidelity and the way El-Mudad’s marriage had ended after an open relationship had veered into adultery, I’d never connected the two in my mind. I had no doubt, having heard the story and Neil’s true remorse over what he’d done, that he’d learned his lesson. And although I had been jealous and suspicious about Valerie since the night I first met her, I knew her in a much different way than El-Mudad did. Like her or not, I’d been through a lot with Valerie. It just pissed me off when she tried to be more important in Neil’s life than I was. It was a battle of egos between us. Not a fight for Neil.
El-Mudad, however, had no experience at all with Valerie besides meeting her at Christmas. That had been the first time his hackles had been raised over her, and Neil had followed it up with his sudden need to contact Valerie immediately after learning of her wedding. Of course, his fears would be at maximum alert.
Neil continued, telling a story that had stunned me the first time I’d heard it. While Valerie had been pregnant with Emma, Neil had slept with an employee at his father’s company. He’d felt guilty and told Valerie only weeks before Emma was born, and though they’d tried, the relationship couldn’t be salvaged.
“We were a disaster together,” Neil said. “That’s not an excuse. There was no excuse for cheating on her. For hurting her. We wouldn’t have worked out. We both know that. But the way it ended between us...with a child we had to raise together...”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” El-Mudad shook his head. “You knew how Bijou broke my heart. I’ve cried to you both about it. You didn’t think that this would be information I would have liked to know?”
“It never crossed my mind,” I admitted. “It happened before I knew Neil. Shit, it happened before I was born. Yeah, it made me feel bad for Valerie, but I never thought it had anything to with me. So I didn’t realize it would have anything to do with you.”
“I thought perhaps I should have said something,” Neil said softly. “I considered telling you, but I wasn’t certain if it would hurt you to hear it right after the divorce. Then time went by and it felt as though I’d waited too long.”
“And you didn’t want to tell me because you didn’t want me to look at you any differently.” El-Mudad wasn’t going to let Neil gloss past that. “I don’t doubt your concern for my feelings. But I wasn’t your only concern.”