Thumper (Cerberus MC)

But opening my eyes up to that somehow makes me think about Javier, and that reminds me of the dreams, and the scent of his clean sweat when he pulled me against his chest that day Lupe came in to collect the lunch dishes. It makes me think of the relief in his eyes when he saw the lock still in place on my cage after Megan was assaulted. I can’t forget the way he offered me his lunch for days before I finally gave in and ate it. He never forced me. Never threatened to shove it down my throat if I didn’t eat. Hell, he brought beef jerky and nuts in packages because he knew I was afraid. Then those treats came with every meal.

But he also spewed out information on my sister in a threatening manner like he was going to use it against me just because I didn’t want to tell him what my favorite food was.

He’s like two different people, and not just in front of others. I saw that mask change in a snap that day in his office.

Or was that just my perception of things?

My mind is so mixed up, I jump in fear when I feel a hand on my back.

“I’m so sorry,” Emmalyn says as she takes a step back, putting some distance between the two of us. “I should’ve announced myself. Oh, honey.”

I dash away the tear on my cheek.

“I shouldn’t have touched you without permission.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, and you don’t have to assure me of anything. I know better. Do you need anything?”

Would she laugh if I joked about needing a new life and a head not full of awful memories? Probably not.

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Kincaid wants to speak with you once their meeting is over. Once the guys come out just head on in there, okay?”

I nod, and she gives me a small smile, her eyes filled with compassion.

“Did you… were you… like me?”

She takes a long, deep breath. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I know a lot about being hurt. My first husband was the devil himself. That’s why I know I shouldn’t have touched you without your permission. I know what it’s like to have been hurt.”

More tears burn my eyes. Maybe those counselors back in El Paso know a few things. I assured them I was fine, that I didn’t need any help. I wasn’t raped or beaten. I didn’t feel like I deserved their help, and taking it would’ve been wrong, but I’m beginning to think I was wrong.

“I can take you to one of the empty rooms. I know the room Izzy, Drew, and Andy were in is clean. There are fresh sheets on the bed and there’s a really good lock on the door if you want to get some rest.”

“I’m not staying long, but thank—”

“You are staying,” Lauren says as she walks out.

Men swarm all around her as they leave the conference room, but they seem busy and pay me no mind. I don’t open my mouth to argue with her.

“I’m going with you,” I say after the men filter away.

“We’re going back to South America. If you don’t want to stay here, you can go home.”

Seattle is the very last place I want to be. I don’t know that I’ll ever want to return to the same city I was taken from.

“If you’re going, I’m going,” I argue.

“I’m a federal agent. You’re—”

Emmalyn takes a couple steps back before turning around and heading into the kitchen.

“What?” I snap. “A victim?”

“You’re not trained for these types of situations.”

I have to snap my mouth closed because she’s right, and honestly the thought of going out of the country again makes my skin crawl.

“Kincaid needs to see you. I have some calls to make,” Lauren says before walking away.

I don’t know what to feel right now. Fear at her leaving me here without knowing anyone? The sadness and desolation I felt when talking to Emmalyn? Anger that my simple life has turned into such a clusterfuck?

Lucky me, that my body decides to take a little of each emotion and wreak havoc on my nervous system.

“I can go in there with you if you prefer,” Emmalyn says as she approaches again.

“Will they allow that?” I ask, remembering that Delilah said that the men don’t talk to the women about Cerberus business.

Emmalyn laughs. “Honey, I’m married to Kincaid. He just likes to pretend he’s in charge. Come on. He wants to talk to you before they head out.”

She steps out of the way when I stand, and I hate that I was so startled when she touched me before. She seems like a nice lady, and she looks like she gives amazing hugs. Damn it, I could really use one of those right now, but then there will be nothing stopping me from breaking down.