“It was a joke.” She lifts an eyebrow, her lip twitching. “Mostly. It was mostly a joke.”
“We can go somewhere else.”
“It’s fine.”
But is it really? Ivy told me earlier that the guys, including Javier are coming back today, but she didn’t have any more information than that.
“Is it hard?” I ask, trying to keep my eyes off the huge front window, but every time I circle back, the clubhouse across the street comes into view.
“What’s that?”
“Your husband keeping so many secrets from you.”
“I don’t really consider them secrets. It would be no different if he worked for a company that required an NDA to protect a client’s information.”
“You don’t question where he goes when he’s gone for days at a time?”
“No,” she answers without hesitation. “I trust him fully.”
I continue to pace but keep my eyes off of her. I have no idea what it would be like to fully trust someone. I don’t see myself ever having the privilege. Hell, my mother thought it was a good idea and necessary for me to get into heaven if I married the same man she married. If I can’t trust her, who can I trust?
“You have to remember that I was raised in the club around amazing men. My dad, Morrison, Dustin, Jaxon, Rob, and my Uncle Dominic set a very good example of how men should treat women. Griffin grew up in that same environment. He knew how to treat people, and I knew how I was supposed to be treated.”
“A fairy tale,” I say, but I’m not angry she had all of that growing up. If anything, I’m a little jealous. “Everyone should have the same.”
“And it’s super shitty that they don’t, but many have found it in adulthood. Simone is loved, and she wasn’t a part of the club growing up.”
There’s no sense in dreaming. My life is never going to be a happily ever after with a man who won’t try to hurt me or manipulate me in some way. Those men may exist here, but not in the world I live in.
“Yay,” Ivy says, popping up from the couch. She claps her hands like she just came downstairs on Christmas morning and everything on her list plus more is under the tree. “They’re back!”
I stand frozen in the middle of her living room, watching the long line of black SUVs as they roll into the parking lot across the street. She scurries around putting her shoes on before bolting out the front door. It only takes the sight of her back as she walks quickly across the yard heading for the clubhouse before I’m following her.
The men pile out of the vehicles full of smiles and apparent gratitude to be home. Gigi, Ivy’s twin, squeals like a kid as she runs toward Hound. He catches her in his arms as she presses her face into his beard. His hands grip her bottom in a way that makes it very clear what they’ll be doing soon.
Where Ivy is a little more laid-back and private, Gigi, I’ve discovered, is a wild child. She has no issues talking about sex and the things she and Hound get up to in the bedroom, and I’ll never tell anyone, but I like that she normalizes her pleasure rather than only whispering about it. I was more comfortable with her talking about her sex life than I was with those that whispered things when they didn’t know I was listening.
I don’t want to be protected from things like that. I don’t want people to think they can’t say what’s on their minds in fear of upsetting me. I don’t think I’ll be able to get back to normal if it keeps happening.
Ivy wraps her arms around Griffin’s neck, and I almost sigh when his eyes flutter closed when he pulls her close.
I have no idea what it would feel like to be the center of a man’s world the way these women are, but it sure looks nice.
Emmalyn comes out of the front door of the clubhouse, wiping her hands on a dish towel. Kincaid presses his lips to hers in a sweet but chaste kiss before cupping her jaw in his huge hand and whispering something to her.
Cannon, the sweet man that made me eggs yesterday morning, rushes out of the clubhouse, scooping Rivet in his arms before carrying her away on a chorus of giggles I would’ve never expected from the tough-looking woman.
“Are you okay?”
I turn my head to see Ivy and Griffin standing beside me. He has her tucked into his side, her palm resting lightly on his stomach.
“I’m good.”
“Do you want to see him?” Ivy asks.
I look around, noticing some of the guys, the ones I guess are unattached, unloading equipment fit more for a SWAT team than bikers from the SUVs. Mia appears on the front steps, her eyes finding mine. She gives me a small nod, a gesture I read as telling me everything is fine. It’s also permission to feel and react however I feel is necessary. Then her eyes land on Scooter—Ryan as she calls him—and that look is what I want. I want to have suffered what I went through and still be able to find the light at the end of the tunnel that gives me permission to be happy. Scooter drops the bags in his hands and quickly makes his way to her, then whispers something that makes her smile wider before he wraps his arms around her and draws her against him like they both suffered from the separation.