I was going to sound like the world’s biggest asshole, but it was tearing me up inside. “It’s a girl. We only found out last week she was pregnant, then we found out how pregnant, and now—” I gulped, struggling with the weight of it all.
Cole frowned, but his brother winced, totally understanding the dilemma of having a female child first.
“Shit, man. I get it.”
Slamming the bottle onto the coffee table, Cole snapped, “Okay, you fuckers need to get some shit straight. Having a girl is a gift. Don’t you love Crystal?” he asked, glaring at Ren. “She’s your shadow, and you spoil her to death. Is that fake?”
Slumping into his chair, Ren glared right back at him. “You don’t get it, Cole. It’s not that having a girl isn’t a gift. Fuck, I adore my baby girl more than the oxygen my lungs need, but the weight of knowing you have to keep her safe from everything and everyone… That’s fucking tough.
“Plus, I’m a man, I had no idea what to do with a baby girl, to begin with. All that is what’s going through this loser's head right now.” He jerked his thumb at me.
“I don’t know how to look after a baby, let alone a baby girl. And what if a baby boy starts flirting with her? What do I do? And when she’s older, I’m going to end up having
to arrest myself for murder.”
“I’m fairly certain that’s not allowed,” Cole pointed out. “But kudos on being honest about potentially breaking the law.”
“I get it,” Ren sighed, lifting his beer again. “Having a boy first is better because he can help watch out for his sister. When it’s the girl first, you’ve got double duty between her and her mom.”
Realizing he had all of this, Cole winced and sat back down. “I get what you mean now.”
“Plus, when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis—his. When it’s a girl, you have every penis in the world to worry about.”
Glaring at Ren, I snapped, “You’re not helping.”
Shifting slightly in his seat, Cole echoed what I’d said. “What part of you thought that was a good thing to say? Think about your daughter when you come out with that shit.”
Ren’s expression went from sympathetic to murderous. “My baby is an angel who’ll stay an angel for the rest of her life.”
Rolling his eyes at me, Cole gestured to his brother with his beer. “Think you’ll be locking him up way before yourself, man. He’s unhinged when it comes to his baby girl.”
This I knew. It’d taken Ren a long time to get over the fear of having a daughter and the responsibility it came with. That’s why I’d chosen him to talk to, hoping he could give me some pointers and advice to calm me down from the impending freak out I could feel coming.
There was a long silence, then Ren said, “You know, having a daughter first is a beautiful thing. Being a dad and Maya are the best things to ever happen to me, but the moment I was passed my baby girl? Fuck, there’s just no beauty like it in the world. Yes, you get scared, but you also feel something click into place inside you.”
“I felt like that with Louis, too,” Cole murmured. “It’s a different type of responsibility with a girl because we assume boys grow up to be just like us, and we know we can look after people. With a girl, there’s a vulnerability you want to protect and to shield her from the shittiness.”
“That’s exactly it,” Ren said, smacking his thigh with his hand. “It’s like they’re completely breakable, and you’re trying to protect them from being smashed.”
It wasn’t how I’d phrase it, but it fit with the worries inside my head.
Leaning forward, Cole stared at me. “Here’s your peace of mind—look at Crystal. First grandbaby, first child, and a female. That girl conquered all of us when she came into the world, but now when you look at her, she can pretty much conquer the world itself.
“You have to protect all kids as they’re growing up, but you also have to teach them how to kick ass, too. It doesn’t matter what gender they are. Every baby has to have that so they can go through life not getting beaten down by the smallest things, but also so they can fight the bigger things.”
Chewing on my lower lip, I had to agree. “That makes total sense. I hadn’t thought of it like that.”
“You know,” Ren added, “I was told that a son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for life.” We both looked at him dubiously.
“Yeah, bullshit, right? I have a wife, but all she did was expand the beauty of my family. There’s no way a real man just focuses on his wife or whatever the hell that saying means. No, a real man adjusts and adds his luck to the bounty he already has. I agree with the daughter part, though.”
“Amen!” Cole raised his beer. “And now you’ve got the added fortune of having a daughter for life…” He trailed off as he narrowed his eyes at me. “Hey, you knocked Bex up without marrying her.”
The change in subject made me smirk. “She doesn’t want to get married yet. I asked her, and she told me to ask her again in the future. I asked her again when we found out she was pregnant. She said the same thing.”
“Oh, burn,” Ren winced.
Shaking my head, I finally relaxed. “Nah, she’s never actually wanted to get married.”