After she walked away, leaving me staring after her, I had stood, frozen, unable to comprehend how my life had taken such a vast downturn in the space of only a few moments. How long I stood there, staring, hoping she would come back around the corner and let me explain, I had no idea. Liam had appeared beside me, his voice quiet.
“Come on, Ronan. Let’s go.”
My feet propelled me forward, but I didn’t speak. I followed him to his truck, not saying a word as we headed toward Port Albany. At my house, he watched as I walked around, too edgy and upset to sit. He made coffee, sipping a cup as the one he pushed my way went cold.
Finally, he stood in front of me. “Talk. Tell me everything from the beginning.”
So, I did. And since then, I hadn’t shut up. I talked to my parents, my sister, my brothers. Nan and Pops. Gracie had listened to me for hours. Jaxson had shaken his head when I talked to him, offering his counsel.
“You need to tell her, Ronan. Even if it makes no difference. Even if your relationship isn’t able to go forward. You need to tell her.” He sighed as he rocked Kylie, his big hand running up and down her back in gentle passes. “Don’t let her think she wasn’t worthy. That will eat at her the rest of her life.”
“I don’t think she can forgive me,” I admitted.
“It’s a lot to forgive.” He glanced at Gracie, the two of them sharing a look saturated in love and understanding. “But if she cares about you, if she’s the kind of person you say she is, there is a chance she will. And if you care about her the way you say you do, she is worth that risk.”
He smiled. “Trust me, I know about risk. But this is worth it.”
My entire family now knew about Beth. And Evan. I had gone on about Paige and Lucy as well. It was as if now that I had turned on the tap, I couldn’t stop the words from flowing.
I had confessed to what happened with Loni and Dave, letting my family voice their anger over the situation and their distress that I had remained silent. Paul and Jeremy had been distraught over my silence and had listened to me go on for hours, their sympathy and companionship appreciated. They wanted to help, but I told them I had to work this out on my own with Beth. They understood and offered their support. I was grateful but knew this was something I had to fix.
I scrubbed my face roughly and stood, having made a decision. Beth was off today. I had to go to see her. Beg her to let me explain. Jaxson was right. Even if she decided she couldn’t trust me again. If she never wanted to see me—I had to try. I had to make sure she knew how incredible she was, how much she meant to me. I had to make sure she knew the blame rested entirely with me and she was innocent. I never meant to hide her.
She was far too special to hide.
* * *
I walked in the door, weariness saturating my body. I had run a long distance, farther than I normally did. But it only cemented the fact that I couldn’t outrun my demons. I had to face them. Face Beth and let the chips fall where they may.
I had to admit, that terrified me the most.
She might agree to listen, then dismiss me. Decide I wasn’t worth the effort to get past the pain I had caused.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost missed her.
Something, some sense of not being alone, hit me, and I stopped on my way to the shower and spun on my heel to find Beth sitting in the large chair by the window. She looked small and vulnerable in the big piece of furniture. She was pale and nervous-looking, her hands twisting in an unending pattern of finger gymnastics. Her legs were crossed and tucked underneath her. How she got here, I had no idea, and I didn’t really care.
She was here.
I crossed the room and dropped to the floor in front of her, our gazes locked. There were faint smudges of purple under her eyes, and her lips looked as if she’d been biting them constantly.
“I’m sorry, Beth. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She offered me a shaky smile. “I thought you might ask how I got in your house, first.”
“My sister?” I guessed.
“She had a hand in it. But Liam brought me here. He let me in and assured me you’d be home soon. He said you were probably out for a run.”
I nodded, unable to believe she was here. Sitting in my house. “I was. I run a lot these days. It helps calm me down.”