Dad laughed, which did nothing to assure me.
The scissors weren’t left-handed, which made them a little hard to maneuver, but once I figured them out, I held the box steady with my small hand, and slid the scissors along the tape in the creases of the box with the other, careful not to cut too deep. Then, I opened the flaps to reveal at least a hundred Styrofoam beans inside.
“Did you open it?!” Mom asked excitedly.
“I did… Styrofoam. Gee, thanks.”
Dad snorted. “Dig around.”
I arched a brow, reaching my hand in like I’d find something that could bite me. Instead, I felt nothing but Styrofoam until I found a small, rubber-like something. I frowned, carefully grabbing it and pulling it free.
It was a small pink pacifier.
I blinked, staring at the unfamiliar object between my fingers as my heart picked up its pace in my ears.
“Hello? You still there?” Mom asked.
“I am. I… found it.” I didn’t know what else to say. I just stared at the pacifier, rolling it over in my fingers.
“And?” Mom asked.
“And… I don’t understand.”
There was a brief pause, and then my father’s warm voice. “Your mother is pregnant, pumpkin. We’re having a baby.”
“You’re going to be a big sister,” Mom added, and I knew from the way her voice wavered that she was crying.
I, on the other hand, was rapidly losing my vision.
I dropped the pacifier, holding onto the counter to steady myself. “Wow,” I managed after a long moment. “That’s… wow. Congratulations.”
“Can you believe it?” Mom asked. “We don’t know for sure yet, but we think it’s a girl. I can just feel it. Oh, Harley,” she said, her voice quaking again. “Our little family of three is growing.”
Our little family is growing. Those were the words she said.
But all I heard was now that you’re gone, we can try again.
And maybe we can get it right this time.
I swallowed, gripping the phone so tight my knuckles ached. “I’m so happy for you, both of you.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. We just couldn’t wait to tell you!”
“No, we couldn’t. But this call is going to cost a fortune, so we should probably hang up now,” Dad added with a chuckle. “We’ll send you an email with more details later.”
I nodded, my throat dry as I tried to swallow again. “Sure, yeah, I’ve got to get going to the museum, anyway.”
“We love you, honey. So much,” Mom said. “You’re going to be the best big sister.”
Tears flooded my eyes, but I held them at bay. “I love you, too,” I managed, and then the line went dead.
My shift at the museum was an underwater blur.
Everything was in slow-motion — my feet as I dragged them along, my heartbeat, the questions guests asked me, the answers that came from me on autopilot, and most of all, time.
My body was physically at the museum, but my soul hovered somewhere above it, trying to process why I wasn’t ecstatic that my parents were having another child.
I should be happy.
I’m going to be a big sister.
I’ve always wanted a sibling.
But no matter how I tried to convince myself, the loudest voice of all drowned everything else out.
They waited until I was gone.
I was too much for them to handle another baby along with me.
They were scared it would happen again.
They were scared they’d have another me.
My eyes watered again at the thought, and I excused myself from a conversation with a family from Scotland, walking along the edges of the room like I was looking for something or someone and praying it would be enough for guests to leave me alone. But I hadn’t even gone ten steps before I was tapped on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, miss?”
I sighed, closing my eyes for a long moment before I plastered on my best smile and turned around to help whoever it was.
That smile flattened the moment I laid eyes on Liam.
“Can you tell me a little about this one?” he asked with a coy smile, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at Titian’s Flora.
His eyes dragged over the romantic painting, taking in the woman’s long hair and lush curves, how her dress hung off one shoulder, precariously close to revealing her breast.
“This chick is pretty hot,” he added. “Think she’s single?”
My emotions were a fickle thing that day, I realized, and not to be trusted. Because only a few hours earlier, there was nothing I wanted more than to see Liam.
But now, the fact that he was trying to be cute after ignoring me for a week only made me want to shove him off the nearest balcony.
“I don’t know,” I snipped, eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you ask her?”
“I would, but something tells me she’s not exactly the talkative type.”
I shook my head, turning my back on him and continuing the path I’d been walking before he interrupted.