“Are you really here?” I asked, rolling my lips together as my eyes searched every inch of him.
“I am,” he said.
“You’re… you’re real?”
He swallowed. “Come here.”
I shook my head, breaking our contact and tearing away from him. “No, you asshole,” I said, fighting against the overwhelming urge to fold into him. “You left. You left without telling me a single thing about where you were going. I thought I’d never see you again,” I said. “I thought… I thought you were dead.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Please, come here. Let me hold you, and I promise I’ll explain everything.”
“No,” I said, but I was already leaning toward him. I shook my head and tried to fight, but everything inside me wanted nothing more than for him to hold me just like he asked.
“Just let me explain,” he begged. “I promise, if you hate me after I do, I’ll let you slap me and kick me in the balls and whatever else you need to do to feel better.”
“Don’t make jokes right now,” I said, holding up one finger. Then, I just stared at him, shaking my head over and over as my brain tried to process the fact that he was standing in front of me. “You’re really here, aren’t you?”
“I’m really here,” he said. “And I really want to hold you. Please, Harley,” he said, holding out his hand for mine.
I stared at it for a long while, pride and anger having an all-out battle with my heart and soul. But in the end, I had no choice. I knew it as much as he did.
I slipped my hand into his.
And with a tug of my wrist, he pulled me into his arms.
I broke instantly, painful sobs wracking my chest as he held me and soothed me, one hand running through my hair as the other pulled me closer. My fists twisted in his shirt, and I knew between that and the mascara I was surely staining his shoulder with, I was making him a mess. But I didn’t care.
He’s here.
When I finally caught my breath, I pulled back, staring up at him still in disbelief. “You left,” I whispered. “You didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t tell anyone where you were going. You just left.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t find you. I tried emailing. I don’t have your number, and I thought… I thought…”
“I know,” he said, swallowing as he brushed my hair back. “I know. And I’m sorry. For so many things. For lying to you, for leaving you, for hurting you.”
“Why?” I asked, shaking my head. “Why did you leave? Where did you go?”
Liam frowned, thumb gliding along my jaw. “You were right,” he started. “About everything. I was scared. I was running. I was hiding behind the misguided belief that I could save both of us by denying my feelings for you.” His brows folded together. “Everything just got so real, so fast. I couldn’t stay away from you, even when I felt like it was the right thing to do. But the closer we got, the more I hated myself. It was this constant battle inside me, a war between what I wanted, and what I thought was right.”
I nodded, leaning into his palm.
“I thought I was doing the right thing by pushing you away,” he continued. “But the moment you were out the door, I realized how wrong I was.”
“But you left,” I whispered again. “You didn’t come find me, you left.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for that. But the truth is that my first apology couldn’t be to you.”
I frowned, tilting my head as I tried to decipher what he meant. “I don’t understand.”
Liam sighed, his shoulders deflating with the act, and his dark, earthy eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “When we got back from going away after the bombing, I had an email waiting from my mom. In it, she told me that Julie had found someone.”
“Oh, Liam…”
“No,” he said instantly, shaking his head. “It’s a good thing. I’m happy she found someone who makes her happy, because she deserves to be.” He swallowed. “But my mom told me she was still grieving for us, for me, for everything I did to her. And that sent me in a spiral.”
I closed my eyes as recognition dawned. “That’s why you weren’t in class.”
“It was a combination. That, and the fact that I knew I was falling for you, and I thought it wasn’t safe to. I was afraid I’d do to you what I did to Julie. I felt in the very depth of my soul that I would hurt you, inevitably, because of who I am at my core.”
I shook my head, but Liam didn’t give me the chance to argue with him.
“When you left that day, I felt this… pain,” he said, covering his chest with a fist. “This instant loss.”