Love Me Nots (Jasper Falls 3)

Cloaked in disgrace, she lowered her head and started to weep again.

“Hey.” Maggie brushed her hair away from her face with a gentle touch. “Did I tell you I’m proud of you.”

“Oh, God. Maggie, stop.”

“I mean it.” She smiled, her eyes gentle and honest. “You took a big step putting yourself out there. Just because you got hurt, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. It just means you learned something.”

“Yeah, that I’m better off single.”

“No, Perrin. I’ve listened to you lie to yourself for over a year, and I can’t put up with it anymore. Bran was a dick. Stop using him as a measuring stick for all other men. There are good guys out there. Maybe Gage isn’t the one, but someone is waiting for you. And when you find him, you’ll know he’s the one.”

“How?” She thought Bran was the one. “My man-radar’s broken.”

Her sister laughed. “No, it’s not. You just have to let things happen. When someone asks you out, if you think he’s attractive, say yes. If it doesn’t work out, it just means there’s someone better waiting for you. Stop trying to plan everything, and try leaning into life for a little while. Let the universe take the wheel.”

She arched a brow and gave her sister a doubtful look. “Have you been smoking weed? You sound like a total hippy. Let the universe take the wheel? What kind of toked out horseshit is that, Maggie?”

She laughed. “I’m not high.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. I’m pregnant.”

Perrin’s expression dropped. “What?”

Maggie laughed. “I was coming to tell you tonight. We had an appointment this afternoon, and the doctor confirmed everything. Ryan’s over the moon.”

Perrin sat up, shifting to her knees and placing a hand on Maggie’s flat stomach. “There’s a person in there?”

Her sister laughed again. “Yup.”

“Holy shit. I mean, I always assumed we would get to this point, but I never expected it this soon, or…” She supposed part of her always assumed Maggie would have kids first, but then Nash died and she thought it would be her with Bran.

“What’s the matter? Oh, I debated telling you—”

“No, I’m glad you did,” Perrin assured. “I’m so happy for you guys. Truly. It’s just hard not to be a little jealous.”

“That goes both ways.”

Perrin frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, I started my day puking in the toilet. And I’m going to get fat. My boobs are already killing me, and in the end, you’ll get to be the supercool, fun aunt. I’m just going to be the mean old mom.”

Perrin smiled, knowing she said all of that just to make her feel better. Taking her sister’s hand, she squeezed. “You’ll be nothing like Mom.”

“I know. But it’s scary. She was so mean at times. I think of this little bean inside of me and I can’t imagine ever saying some of the things she said to us.”

“She’s got problems, Maggie. Some people are just perpetually miserable, and we can’t waste our lives trying to cure them.”

“There’s no curing Mom. I accepted that years ago.”

Perrin let the topic of their mother drop and grinned. “Do you think it’s a girl or a boy?”

They spent the next hour wondering about all the things motherhood entailed and discussing the sort of nursery the baby would have. Maggie was a strange hybrid hippy-jock, so chances were, if it was a boy the nursery would be covered in Eagles paraphernalia. But if it was a girl, it would be a complete flower child explosion of whimsy and named something awful like Maple or Apple.

When Maggie left, Perrin felt better. Far from great, but better.

With a clearer head, came some much needed perspective. She couldn’t believe she’d gone so far as to try to sleep her way to getting what she wanted. Her shame reached a new low.

It took a solid day for her to find the courage to call Gage. No surprise, he didn’t answer. She left him a message anyway. “Gage, it’s me. I…I’m sorry about the other day. I don’t know what I was thinking. I never meant to hurt you or… I’m just really sorry, and embarrassed, and ashamed for my behavior. I don’t expect you to call me back, but I want you to know the land’s yours. I’ll back off and stay out of your way. I know we’re not friends, but I wanted to make sure you knew…I’m not your enemy. Take care.”

It hurt. Hanging up from that message felt like shutting the door on what might have been a great possibility. But she hadn’t been emotionally ready for whatever she and Gage were. And now, it was over.

That night, she worked at the bar and tried to smile whenever her customers spoke to her. Faking cheer exhausted her, and when she got home, she crashed hard, sleeping long into the next day.