25
Aurora
The moment Ryder left that cell, I knew I wouldn't run, even if I got the chance.
He's gotten into my head and under my skin, and I'm starting to realize there's no escaping him and I've fallen into a trap of my own creation.
Ryder doesn't come back after our encounter in the dungeons. Days pass and the same four guards change outside the cell, but I know they're just for show. I can't run away now. I'm bound to Ryder Bernardi with invisible ties, and I'll never be able to sever them.
Alone in my cell, the days turn into weeks and now there's something else troubling me. Something that should be beautiful, cherished and wanted, but now only seems like a problem. I know it for sure – I'm pregnant.
My period is almost a month late and I've been feeling nauseous in the mornings. My breasts feel tender, and I feel something swelling inside me, my body giving me all the signals I need. I'm so convinced it's true I tell myself I don't need a test. I can hide this until Ryder changes his mind.
He has to change his mind, after all. He can't just leave me to rot in here by myself. There has to be some emotion left behind... We felt so much for each other. Now that it's all been wiped out and erased, I pray every night he will take mercy on me.
Deep down, I know it's a miracle I'm still alive. The Bernardis are as bloodthirsty as any other mafia famiglia, and I'm surprised Bruno hasn't insisted on having his revenge by killing me off.
Every day I pray for mine and my baby's lives. It's too late to pray for Papa. His blood stains the Bernardi chapel for ever now.
When Ryder doesn't come see me, I succumb to self-pity. I wallow in it, allowing my thoughts to spin around my father's death as if I want to punish myself even more. He died because of that woman, Livia, and her obsession with Ryder. I could have saved him. I could have prevented this.
But now there's no one left. I'm alone. But not for long – the baby will be all mine. And while I know Ryder will never accept us as his family, there's no fucking way I'm letting anyone take this child. He'll be the apple of my eye. My precious boy. I already know it's a boy, Ryder's heir.
Swallowing back a cry, I wipe my shaky palm over my eyes. My skin is wet with tears and I can feel the guards' eyes on me, carefully watching my every move. At least Ryder picked men who aren't leering at me all day.
I pick myself up from my kneeling position by the bed. I thought by now they'd give me a more comfortable room, but the Bernardis are determined to keep me here like a prisoner, in the worst of conditions. I know Bruno's tune would quickly change if he were to find out I was pregnant, but I also suspect he'd take the baby away from me. And I can't risk letting that happen.
I lie on the threadbare mattress, turning my back to the guards. With my fingers, I trace the lines in the wall. Will I ever get out of here? Will Ryder ever forgive me, or am I banished from the famiglia for ever?
I know I deserve this. Papa and I both did. Because of us, two innocent, pure lives were snuffed out. And Papa already paid for his crime in blood. Now it's my turn to pay the price of my betrayal. And something tells me the Bernardis won't go easier on me just because I'm a woman – I'm still an accomplice to Papa's crime.
The guilt alone is almost enough to kill me. More tears wet my cheeks as my eyes slowly begin to close. I'm scared, cold, and alone. I have a feeling Ryder was telling me the truth - he's going to let me wilt in here like a dying flower.
So many times, I wish I could give up. But now there's a force driving me from within – a baby I can't help but cherish already. And I can't bring myself to regret conceiving.
Sleep comes slowly and doesn't last long. The cell is cold and the blanket I have barely provides enough warmth. Wrapping myself in it, I pray Ryder will come and see me soon.
I don't know how much time passes, but the next time I wake up, the cell door is being opened.
I instantly sit up in my bed. I look at the two men who are now inside my cell.
"You're not Bernardi men," I whisper. "What are you doing here?"
My eyes dance between the two of them, but they merely smirk, not replying and barking at me in Italian to get the fuck up.