I was slow getting out of my car, as if I could infinitely delay having to deal with him.
“You stink,” he muttered as I tried to walk past him.
I gritted my teeth. I knew he was only saying it to be an asshole. I’d eaten this morning.
“I know you been paid by now, Angel,” he said in a growl. “You need to give me some goddamn money.” He paused to spit onto the porch, then curled his lip at me. “You’re only gonna blow it on pills. It’s what you always do.”
“I bought groceries and paid the bills, remember?” I said as I yanked open the front door and went into the house. I grimaced as I heard the scrape of his shoes as he rose.
“Don’t you fuckin’ walk away from me when I’m talking to you!” he hollered after me.
“I thought we were done,” I shot back over my shoulder. “I spent all the money. That’s why the damn cable works now and the lights are still on.”
He grabbed my arm and yanked me around. “You’re holding out on me, you worthless little bitch!”
“Get off me,” I yelled. “I’m clean, goddammit! You only want me to feel like shit so you can feel better about being a stupid fucking drunk!” I slapped at his hand. “You only want my money so you can buy more booze!” I tried to twist away, more than a little surprised when I actually broke his grip. For a skinny man he was still pretty damn strong.
But all it did was piss him off more. I tried to duck away from the slap, but he got me hard across the side of the head and my ear.
“You owe me!” he yelled as he landed several more solid blows to my face and shoulders. “You owe me everything! Worthless fuckin’ bitch!”
I was no kind of fighter, and all I could think to do was hunch up and try to avoid the worst of it and scream at him to stop. “Dad! Stop it! You’re drunk!” I shrieked. “You’re hurting me! You’re being like mom!”
For an instant I thought it would work, that it would make him stop. But in the next second a black rage suffused his face. “You . . . your mother’s better off dead.” His fist came down but I could barely feel it anymore. “She can’t see what a fuckup you are. I gave up everything for you, and for what? For you to be a goddamn loser!”
“I’m not a loser,” I gasped. I could taste blood in my mouth. “I’m not on the drugs anymore. I swear!” I knew I couldn’t stay hunched down like this in the hope that he’d stop. I’d never seen him like this before. For the first time, I was afraid that he wouldn’t stop until I was a bloody pulp.
I managed to get my legs under me and shoved him away hard, harder than I meant to, sending him sprawling back against the couch. There was murder in his eyes as he struggled back to his feet, but it gave me enough time to run to my room and slam the door and lock it. He pounded on it and yelled for a couple of minutes, then finally fell quiet while I hunched against the wall and shook.
I should have driven away as soon as I saw how drunk he was, I thought miserably. Dad’s violence was predictable. I should have known better. Mom had been the one who’d dealt out slaps and hugs with chaotic unpredictability.
I dropped my head to my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs. I hurt all over, but at the same time I could feel everything gradually going numb. Right now that was cool with me.
I jerked at the knock on the door and froze, pulse thudding painfully even as I realized that my dad never knocked like that.
“Angel?” I heard a deep and familiar voice say. “Can you come out please? This is the Sheriff’s Office.”
I dropped my head back against the wall. Fuck. A neighbor must have heard us fighting and called the cops. My throat went tight. I was going to get arrested. I’d lose my job. I’m totally fucked.
“Angel. Please. I need you to open the door or I’ll have to force it open to make sure you’re all right.”
I struggled to my feet. “I’m okay,” I croaked. Yeah, I sure sounded okay. I fumbled at the lock and then pulled the door open. In front of me was a broad, uniformed chest. I didn’t want to look up, but I didn’t have to. Not with the nametag “M. Ivanov” at my eye level. I felt like I shrank a few inches. Yeah, let me remind him how much of a loser I am.
He turned his head and called over his shoulder to a deputy I couldn’t see. “Gordon. Ten-fifteen.” I didn’t know what that meant, but I heard my dad make a low, whining protest. Ivanov looked back to me. “I’ll need to take pictures of your injuries,” he said, voice calm and even. “Do you want to go to the hospital?”
“Hunh?” Then I shook my head. “I’m not hurt. It . . . it’s okay.” I just wanted this whole thing to be over with. A dull throb of hunger poked at me, but I pushed it aside. I couldn’t worry about that right now. I was only hungry because I was a little banged up.
He gave a low snort. “Angel, you look like hell.”
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror on my dresser, chest tightening at the sight of the split lip, puffiness around my left eye, and bruises already forming on my cheek and collarbone. It would probably hurt a lot more if I wasn’t a zombie. Great, my pain tolerance was high enough for me to take a beating. I swallowed. “You gonna arrest me?”
“No. We’re arresting your dad though.”
I jerked my head up to look into his face. “You don’t need to do that. He’s drunk. That’s all.” I didn’t want him to go to jail. I didn’t.
So why did I feel a weird relief at the thought? God, I was a shit daughter.
His expression tightened briefly and a wash of shame went through me. He’d probably heard this sort of thing a million times before. Wife or girlfriend gets the crap beat out of them, but they can’t stand to see their loved one go to jail. Yeah, I was being that victim. “I’m sorry,” I tried. “It’s just—”