“Carol and Brian, supposed murder—suicide—though I’m still not buying that scenario,” I said, renewed annoyance flaring that I didn’t have those cases anymore. I had very little faith that Pellini would push to find out who really killed them. “Brian’s the son of the judge who is being investigated by the FBI for misconduct, and one of his main supporters, Davis Sharp, was found ass end up in the shower. Sharp happened to buy a piece of drug-seizure property for a song—property that was seized from the Galloways, who are also dead because they apparently tried to blackmail someone involved in the whole thing.” I frowned down at the piece of paper. “So Harris Roth is connected to all of them, but why would he kill Carol and Brian? Or Davis Sharp? Even if he was boffing Elena, would that be worth murdering Sharp? I could possibly see him killing the Galloways if he was trying to cover shit up. But the others? And if it’s him, how is he consuming essences? Or does he have something else doing it for him? And did he get that dog-thing to attack us?”
Ryan pulled the pad back to him. “Yeah, we’re still missing a few pieces.”
“A few?”
His mouth twitched in a smile. “Okay, a lot.” He unwrapped another taco and started in on it. “Have you been able to find out anything about what could suck down essences like that?”
I shook my head, feeling another surge of annoyance that I’d screwed up my freebie questions from Rhyzkahl. “Still working on that. I’ll be spending my free time in that damn library. And whoever it is, they’re getting stronger, or at least better at it. Sam and Sara weren’t already dead or dying when the killer pulled their essence out.”
Ryan picked up spilled meat and cheese and stuffed it back into the taco. “Yeah, that’s not encouraging news.”
“More research for me,” I said with a sigh.
“Well, be careful of that portal-thing.”
I looked at the pile of empty wrappers in front of him. I’d eaten three, and it looked like Ryan had torn through almost the rest of the dozen in the few minutes we’d been talking. “Good grief, Ryan,” I said with a laugh. “Hungry?”
He grinned. “I’m storing up my strength, in case all of this turns out to be anywhere near as nasty as the last case I worked on with you.”
“Ugh, don’t even say that! I don’t feel like dying again.”
“Yeah, I’d probably have to pay for the funeral myself this time.”
I laughed. “Take up a collection! All of my adoring fans.”
“And your ex-boyfriends. And all of the coworkers you’ve been accused of sleeping with.” He grinned. “Come on, I know you have the hots for Pellini and Boudreaux.”
“I just ate. Don’t do that to me.”
He laughed. “I’m sure you have plenty of adoring ex-lovers. I’d have to hire security to keep them from throwing themselves onto the coffin in grief.”
“Sad to say, I doubt you’ll have to chase too many away,” I replied with a mock sigh. “It’s been far too long since I’ve had sex with a human.”
The words were out of my mouth before I fully realized what I’d said. I fought to keep the teasing smile on my face, praying desperately that Ryan wouldn’t understand the meaning beneath the words.
He slowly set the unfinished taco down and wiped his hands off, face going very still. I could see the thoughts ticking behind his eyes, putting together various comments and clues. Sweat stung my armpits, and a sick misery began to coil in my chest. No, no, no. He’s going to freak out.
“A human?” he said, green-gold eyes lifting to mine, voice unbearably even.
I started to babble out a denial, some sort of retraction, but I knew it would sound lame and pathetic. Screw it. I was in this far. And what fucking business was it of his anyway? “The first time I encountered Rhyzkahl, I … uh …” Okay, maybe not so easy to say outright. At least not to Ryan.
His expression froze, his eyes going dark with either pain or fury. I couldn’t tell. When he spoke his voice was so cold I thought it would crack. “You slept with him?”
I felt as if someone had dumped ice down my back. I’d been worried that he might have a guy-jealousy type of reaction, but this was something far more intense, as if he suddenly despised me. Stop it, I railed at myself. Stop caring so much what he thinks. It wasn’t working. I couldn’t help it. I did care. I couldn’t bear the thought of him not liking me or respecting me anymore. “It’s not how you think.” I was trying to be calm, cool. I wasn’t being very successful. “I mean, it’s not like I summoned him and then immediately jumped his bones. I was scared to death at first. I thought he was going to destroy me!”
I swear he bared his teeth. “He raped you?”
“Holy shit! No. No, it was … it was totally consensual. No coercion or anything.”
His face was like stone. “I don’t get it. I don’t get why you would have sex with a creature like that. I figured you for someone who had more self-respect than that.”
I felt as if my breath had been robbed from me, and for several gaping seconds I could only struggle to regain the power of speech. “Self-respect?” I finally managed. “Who the fuck are you to be all self-righteous about this?”
“I just can’t believe you fucked that thing!” he retorted, voice rough with what I could only assume was utter disdain. “Why … why would you do that?”
I stared at him, trying to control my anger and hurt and my ripping disappointment in him. I’d never imagined that he could be this judgmental, and I had the sick suspicion he was seeing me as someone who was so weak and needy that I had to find comfort from a demon lover.
“Because I’m lonely!” I exploded, standing and nearly tipping the stool over. “Because I’ve only ever had two boyfriends, and they were shitty in bed, and they never stayed very long anyway. I had this incredibly gorgeous guy wanting to kiss me and make love to me, and I wanted it. I don’t have many friends. I mean, shit! I know he was just trying to get something from me, but y’know what? I wanted something from him too. I wanted to be touched and wanted and to feel—for a few fucking minutes—that I was sexy and desirable. And to feel—for a few fucking minutes—a way I knew I’d never felt before and would probably never feel again!” I stood there, chest heaving. Shit. Shit. How could I have said all that? How could he judge me like that?