I smiled back, seeing a shimmer of Ryan in him for the first time.
“Szerain,” Zack said, a subtle strength in his voice. “It is time. You know it must be done, and it will only get harder if we delay.”
An eyes-wide panic came to Szerain’s face. “No. No,” he said, shaking his head. “I cannot.”
“No,” I said to Zack. “Please. You can’t do that to him.” Numb horror rose at the memory of my own brief submersion. “It’s too cruel. You can’t!”
Zack didn’t look at me, kept his focus fully on Szerain. “I must, Kara. He draws attention thus.” He gave a hiss as Szerain backed away.
“I cannot,” Szerain said, radiating a fear and horror that looked and felt utterly out of place on him. “And there is much I must do.”
“Then we’ll hide him!” I grabbed Szerain’s hand. “We’ll use the cuff or something. You can’t submerge him again!” I shook my head. “Mzatal showed me what it was like. I can’t let you do that to him.”
Szerain gripped my hand firmly as he backed to the wall. Zack kept his eyes fully on Szerain. “Kara, it must be. We cannot hide him.”
Szerain’s eyes flicked to the stairs, clearly ready to flee. Eilahn stepped between Szerain and the exit. I looked at her, agonized.
“You can’t let him do this!” I told her, keeping a tight hold on Szerain’s hand. “Please. It’s torture.”
“Szerain,” Zack said, speaking the lord’s name clearly and with his own potency. “You can flee and defend and retaliate, and seek to right that which you have made wrong and that which has been made wrong in your name.” He paused. “But what of Kara, and Tessa, and Jill, and,” his voice dropped lower, “the one unborn.” I knew he spoke of Jill’s pregnancy. “What of others who might be harmed by those who would not tolerate you free on Earth?”
A deep and horrible ache went through me as I felt the keen truth of Zack’s words. Time on Earth was precious to the demonic lords, and if and when the Mraztur made a play to confine an unsubmerged Szerain, they wouldn’t give a shit about collateral damage. I also knew that I would willingly submerge myself to protect Jill and the baby and the others. My eyes filled with tears, but I didn’t say anything to Szerain. It was a horrible and terrible thing to agree to, and I couldn’t encourage it. All I could do was be here for him. Openly crying, I took both his hands in mine.
Szerain breathed through bared teeth. He saw the truth of it as well. He gave a frustrated cry as he gripped my hands hard, shaking in earnest as he looked from Zack to me. I remembered the locks of hair, the paintings in the shrine, the hundreds of statues in his chambers. To Szerain, the fate of a few humans might actually matter. Would it to another lord?
In an instant, he gathered me to him, bent his head close to mine. “I am Ryan. But I am Szerain.” He drew a deep and shaking breath as he clung to me and I to him. “Do it,” he told Zack. “Do it now.”
Immediately, Zack put a hand to his head. I held Szerain close, fucking hating this with my entire essence.
“Kara,” Szerain said with burning urgency, “tell Mzatal we were wrong.” He shook harder as the submersion began, weeping against my neck. “Remember me.”
Wrong? About what? I wanted to ask, but I could feel his face shift subtly where it pressed against my neck and knew it was already too late. “I’ll remember you,” I said, crying and sickened. “I swear.”
He still shook, but now it was more a shudder of reaction than of pain. He made an urrk sound and lifted his head. I looked up. He was all Ryan now.
I fought to pull myself together and smile. “Hey, big guy,” I said, doing my damnedest to keep my voice steady. “Glad to see me or something?”
Confusion flickered through his expression, then he gave a shaky smile. “Yeah, ya think?” He straightened, scrubbed a hand over his face self-consciously.
“Summonings do that to me too.” I quickly wiped my own eyes. “Missed you.” I gave him a hug, then looked around the room. Zack looked both queasy and relieved. Tessa still stood pressed against the wall, eyes on Ryan and me. I grimaced inwardly. Forgot all about her. Crap.
Yeah, Tessa and I were definitely going to have a long talk later on. About many things. I met her eyes, held my hand out while silently urging her to not ask, to not shatter this fragile Ryan.
Tessa swallowed visibly, then pushed off the wall and straightened her shoulders, settling her usual confidence and attitude about her like a mantle. She moved to me and took my hand, and I pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Thanks,” I said, voice suddenly hoarse.
“Always,” she murmured. “Now take care of your other business here.” With that she gave me a proud smile, then turned and headed up the stairs.
I exhaled, then looked back over at Ryan. “So, did you bring donuts?” I asked, trying to restore some sense of normalcy.
He blinked, still trying to get his bearings. “Yeah, upstairs.” Ryan’s shaky smile spread into a grin. “You think I have a death wish? Get you back from the demon realm and not have any donuts for you?” He rolled his eyes. “You’d kill me.” He lifted a hand to my face. “You’re really back. God, I was so worried.”
I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. “Yeah, I’m back.”
“Ryan,” Zack said, fully back into his easy-going surfer boy/FBI agent persona. “I need to talk to you for a few minutes after you give Kara her donuts.”
Eilahn chimed softly. “And Kara has had a very long and trying day,” she told both men. “She needs to bathe and to rest.”