I knew what we were doing, when we did the Caerimonia. I knew exactly what it meant. I knew what it would do. More importantly I knew she didn't feel the same about me. I've known that for a very long time. Do you think I'm stupid?
So why did I do it?
I don't know. I wasn't going to. In my defense, I had told her no the first time. We were sitting there in that hotel room, and she was sitting on my lap, and it felt nice, you know. Being so close to her. Yeah, I guess it felt great. I don't want to get into it - I'm not a suck-and-tell kind of guy.
She thinks I've been in love with her since we were kids, or since I first laid eyes on her, or some other romantic crap. But it wasn't like that. We were friends. We got along. I liked the way she thinks. Liked the sound of her laugh. Liked how she dressed-in all those dark layers. What was she hiding from?
Did I think she was beautiful? I'm not blind, am I? Of course I thought she was beautiful. But it was more than that - I liked that she used to wear this ugly shade of blue eyeshadow-girls think guys don't notice stuff like makeup, but we do - and it would get all cakey and smudged at the end of the day. She would have these huge blue raccoon eyes, and she wouldn't even notice ... I don't know. I was charmed.
But I didn't feel that way about her back then. Not even in eighth grade when we had to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance together and she asked me to be her date, and we spent the evening sitting in a corner making fun of everyone. We didn't dance once, and she wore this hideous, baggy dress. No, I wasn't in love with her then.
I fell in love with her when she found out she was a vampire. Just a few months ago. When she accepted her heritage and didn't flinch from her destiny. Because you know who she's supposed to be, right? I mean, Gabrielle's daughter. Heavy stuff. She's so strong it scares me. I wasn't lying when I told her that.
So, yeah - again, you're asking me why I did it. Why I let her take my blood, let her mark me as her own. Do that whole "familiar" thing. All that jazz.
I don't even know why I bother with these reports. Who's listening to them, anyway?
Anyway, I guess the truth of the matter was, I didn't want her to have to do it with someone else. I didn't want to share. She was already so different from me, changing already. She is different. She's going to live forever, while I'm only going to get to go around once.
I wanted to hold on.
Because yeah, I do love her.
I loved her when she came to me that night at The Bank. When she was looking for me and was so relieved to see me. When she accepted everything I told her, and she didn't even freak out that much when I told her I already knew. That I was her Conduit.
That's why I took the next plane out of the city to Rio after hers. Yeah, Bliss told me what was going on. Do you think I would let her go there alone? You're kidding, right?
But if you think I walked into this blind, you're wrong. I knew being her familiar wouldn't change anything. I knew that even if she knew I was in love with her, it wouldn't change how she felt about me.
I knew I would lose in the end.
What do I think of Jack Force? I don't. I don't think much of him. Just another guy who thinks he's God's gift to Earth. In his case, probably literally. But, you know - he's irrelevant to me. He just doesn't factor in. Even if they end up together, which I highly doubt given the strength of that particular bond - Mimi is no joke, I wouldn't mess around with Azrael - but even if Schuyler still loves him, or thinks she does, it doesn't matter.
Because Jack is going to leave her one day. I know he will. He's too much for Schuyler. They're wrong for each other. Anyone can see that.
And when he leaves her, I'll be there.
However long it takes, I'll still be there for her.
Waiting.
So I guess Schuyler's wrong. I guess I'm a pretty romantic guy after all.
;Sky, you look awful. What happened?" Bliss asked, finding Schuyler standing morosely at her doorway. Schuyler's eyes were red from crying, and she was blowing her nose with a tissue.
"Your maid let me in. I hope that's okay. Are your parents around?" Schuyler asked, still sniffing.
"No. They're at some campaign fund-raiser. What else is new. Come on in. Not that they'd care anyway. You know they like you," Bliss said. As soon as she said it, Bliss realized she wasn't sure if it was true. Her parents had never shown any interest in her friends. They still assumed she hung out with Mimi Force. That's how clueless they were. They'd never even met Schuyler or Oliver.
"Are you all right?" Bliss asked.
Schuyler shook her head. She followed Bliss into her bedroom and climbed onto her bed, leaning back on the pillows and closing her eyes. "Oliver hates me," she said with a strangled cry as she rubbed her eyes. "He saw...the...two of us...Jack and..."
"He knows." Bliss nodded. So that's what Mimi was telling Oliver that afternoon.
In answer, Schuyler grabbed a fluffy pillow from among the huge goose-down heap and put it behind her neck. "Yeah."
Bliss sighed. She picked up the television remote and started flipping through recorded programs. "Did you see the latest episode of The Beach?"