"Nothing." Schuyler blinked back fresh tears. "I can't choose. You know I can't." She tossed the empty bag and kicked at a pillow. "Everything's rotten."
Bliss kept one eye on the television and the other on her friend. She heartily agreed with Schuyler's assessment. Everything did feel rotten. Like how Forsyth had never been straight with her about Dylan. Sometimes it felt as if everyone was lying about everything.
After a few minutes of watching the main star of the show break up with her boyfriend for the nth time, Schuyler spoke. "You know, I haven't heard anything from Lawrence since he's been there, except that he wishes the weather were cooler. If he's truly in danger, don't you think he would have said something to me? Maybe sent me a message?"
"Maybe he doesn't want you to worry," Bliss said. "He's probably just doing it to protect you. If there's something wrong with Corcovado, he did say he wanted to keep you away from it," she reminded.
"I guess." Schuyler played with a tassel on her pillow. "But it feels weird, you know? I mean, Lawrence doesn't trust the Conclave with anything. Not since Plymouth," she said. "Why would he call for them now?"
"What are you thinking?" Bliss asked. She noticed there was a purposeful look in Schuyler's eye. At least the girl had finally stopped crying about those boys. This was the Schuyler she knew and admired.
"I'm going down there. If Lawrence is really in danger, I have to help him. I couldn't live with myself otherwise."
AUDIO RECORDINGS ARCHIVE:
Repository of History
CONDUIT: Hazard-Perry, Oliver
POSITION: Van Alen family
Personal Report filed 5/19
?Transcript notes two minutes of tape were lost in feedback. Transcript begins as follows:?
Schuyler will tell you that I had no choice in the matter. She believes that I love her because I have to, or because I had no choice, but she's wrong. She gives herself too much credit sometimes.
I knew what we were doing, when we did the Caerimonia. I knew exactly what it meant. I knew what it would do. More importantly I knew she didn't feel the same about me. I've known that for a very long time. Do you think I'm stupid?
So why did I do it?
I don't know. I wasn't going to. In my defense, I had told her no the first time. We were sitting there in that hotel room, and she was sitting on my lap, and it felt nice, you know. Being so close to her. Yeah, I guess it felt great. I don't want to get into it - I'm not a suck-and-tell kind of guy.
She thinks I've been in love with her since we were kids, or since I first laid eyes on her, or some other romantic crap. But it wasn't like that. We were friends. We got along. I liked the way she thinks. Liked the sound of her laugh. Liked how she dressed-in all those dark layers. What was she hiding from?
Did I think she was beautiful? I'm not blind, am I? Of course I thought she was beautiful. But it was more than that - I liked that she used to wear this ugly shade of blue eyeshadow-girls think guys don't notice stuff like makeup, but we do - and it would get all cakey and smudged at the end of the day. She would have these huge blue raccoon eyes, and she wouldn't even notice ... I don't know. I was charmed.
But I didn't feel that way about her back then. Not even in eighth grade when we had to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance together and she asked me to be her date, and we spent the evening sitting in a corner making fun of everyone. We didn't dance once, and she wore this hideous, baggy dress. No, I wasn't in love with her then.
I fell in love with her when she found out she was a vampire. Just a few months ago. When she accepted her heritage and didn't flinch from her destiny. Because you know who she's supposed to be, right? I mean, Gabrielle's daughter. Heavy stuff. She's so strong it scares me. I wasn't lying when I told her that.
So, yeah - again, you're asking me why I did it. Why I let her take my blood, let her mark me as her own. Do that whole "familiar" thing. All that jazz.
I don't even know why I bother with these reports. Who's listening to them, anyway?
Anyway, I guess the truth of the matter was, I didn't want her to have to do it with someone else. I didn't want to share. She was already so different from me, changing already. She is different. She's going to live forever, while I'm only going to get to go around once.
I wanted to hold on.
Because yeah, I do love her.
I loved her when she came to me that night at The Bank. When she was looking for me and was so relieved to see me. When she accepted everything I told her, and she didn't even freak out that much when I told her I already knew. That I was her Conduit.
That's why I took the next plane out of the city to Rio after hers. Yeah, Bliss told me what was going on. Do you think I would let her go there alone? You're kidding, right?
But if you think I walked into this blind, you're wrong. I knew being her familiar wouldn't change anything. I knew that even if she knew I was in love with her, it wouldn't change how she felt about me.
I knew I would lose in the end.