Weighed in that scale, waiting until the wedding to have her in his bed was a minor price to pay.
His heart was still thudding a little too heavily, but it was calming and soothing sitting in the softly scented moonlight beside his soon-to-be wife.
He freed his hand from hers, raised that arm, draped it over her shoulders, and urged her closer.
She accepted the unvoiced invitation and snuggled nearer, then leaned her head on his chest.
“I never did tell you why I behaved as I did to you at Felicia and Rand’s wedding.”
Cautiously, not wanting to sound demanding, he admitted, “No, you didn’t.”
Sylvia sighed. “You’re not allowed to laugh.” But as a reward for honoring her wishes and exercising restraint for them both, he deserved to know her old secret.
“I promise I won’t.”
She drew breath and said, “You never knew, but during the Season I spent in London, going about with Felicia among the ton, supposedly to find suitable husbands, I saw you—as they say, across a crowded ballroom. Not once, but many times at various events. Yet from my very first sighting of you, you captured my attention. You became a lodestone of sorts—if you were in the same ballroom, no matter how much of a crush the event was, my eyes would find you, even when I was trying my damnedest not to encourage my obsession.”
“Your obsession?”
Clearly, she’d piqued his interest.
Lips firming, she nodded. “Yes, my obsession with you. That’s really the only word for it. You became my fantasy gentleman—the gentleman who inhabited my dreams. Or more correctly, who I constructed dreams around.” A quick upward glance showed him looking faintly stunned. “You can imagine what sort of dreams those were. But it wasn’t hard to learn of your reputation.”
That jolted him to focused attention. “I feel compelled to point out that, although supported by a scant framework of truth, my reputation within the ton at that time was a carefully fabricated façade designed to render me persona non grata with every matchmaking mama in town.”
So she’d come to suspect, but hearing the confirmation from his lips was nevertheless reassuring. She pressed her head against his chest in wordless acceptance. “I understand that now, but I had no way of knowing it then, so your reputation ensured that I steered well clear of you.” She paused, then forced herself to admit, “However, far from dousing my obsession, learning the length and breadth of your reputation—based on your reputed deeds—only made my obsessive fascination with you all the more intense.”
She could almost hear him thinking, remembering things she’d said before she’d come to know him better.
“That’s why,” he eventually said, dawning understanding in his voice, “you behaved so repellingly at the wedding.”
“Until I arrived at Throgmorton Hall on the day before the wedding, I had no idea I would be partnered with you in the bridal party.” She softly snorted. “You can imagine my dismay. Which, I might add, only grew when I discovered—as I walked down the aisle, no less—that my obsession with you hadn’t faded over the years, but instead, had become even more intense. That my senses were even more fixated on you—my forbidden fantasy lord.”
He made a sound halfway between a laugh and a scoff. “You hid it well.”
“I had to.” She raised her head and looked into his eyes. “I was terrified the whole time. Terrified I would do or say something hideously embarrassing that would give me away...and then you claimed me for that waltz!”
He didn’t look repentant in the least. “It was my waltz to claim. Others would have noticed if I hadn’t led you out.”
She jabbed a fingertip into his chest. “Yes, but you enjoyed it.”
His wicked smile bloomed. “I did. And I didn’t.”
Kit looked into her eyes, then softly said, “I was attracted to you, too. I tracked you through the crowd, chose my moment, and pounced. But I couldn’t work out what you were about—what game you were playing. It wasn’t one I recognized, much less understood. You kept your shields up, and I couldn’t get past them. With me, you were a cold and disdainful lady, yet I saw you laughing and smiling with others...and I wanted your smiles, even then.”
She arched her brows. “Really? I thought I’d succeeded in putting you off.”
He nodded. “You had. I drove away thinking I would never see you again, so attraction aside, I should just put you down as a peculiar and unattainable lady, forget you, and be done with it.”
“I watched you drive away and thought the same—that I’d survived the encounter, and I wouldn’t see you again.”
His lips curved, and he smiled into her eyes. “Luckily for us, Fate had other plans. The instant you stormed into my office and started berating me over the school, I knew my view of you was grossly in error. After that, of course, I was never going to rest until I learned all your secrets.”
He paused, looking into her eyes and reveling in the wordless connection, then he bent his head and brushed a kiss to her forehead. “Thank you for telling me. Our past now makes sense, and I don’t have to worry that you’ll suddenly revert to ice-maiden again.”
She laughed. “I can promise you that.” After a moment, she added, “You might have had a false façade, but I had one, too.”
“Mind you,” he mused, “I doubt any man can live up to a lady’s forbidden fantasy, even if that fantasy is about him.”