Eighteen: 18

“Mateo?”

“—Mr. Alesci,” I say, ready to kick myself for that slip-up, “offered to give me a ride since I had to walk. And look, I’m not about to turn down a ride in the dark, OK? Sue me for wanting to get home in time to take care of my niece.”

He pauses at the mention of Olivia. “How is she?”

“Fine. I have to get back to class, Mr. Bowman. I’m not skipping school, I was sick.”

He smiles and I make my getaway. I am really on thin ice with him now, thanks to that ride last week. And that sucks. It sucks all the balls in the world because I don’t have any money for the bus today either.

“Danny?”

He’s sitting next to me on the wall today at lunch. He’s been acting a little big-brother all day. He even bought me a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch so I could wash down my pills and met me at the end of each class so he could walk me to my next one.

“Yeah, Daydreams. I can tell you want something, so just spit it out. You’ve been acting quiet all day.”

“Can you give me a ride to school tonight? I wouldn’t ask, but I don’t have money for the bus.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “Won’t you get in trouble from your boyfriend for that?”

I look around to see if anyone is paying attention, but thankfully, they are all involved in their own conversations. “Shhh,” I say. “Please.”

The lunch bell rings and he hops down off the wall. “You know I will. Pick you up too, if you need it.”

“Thank you,” I say. And then he grabs my backpack and walks with me to English, where I am thankful that I finished the required book last week because I fall asleep on my desk the minute the boy at the podium starts reading from The Good Earth.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Mateo is wearing a suit today when I walk into class at five o’clock. “You could’ve called me back last night.”

Oh, he has some nerve. “You could’ve called me, period,” I snap.

“I had to go out of town for—”

“I know,” I snap again. “Bowman pulled me aside this morning and drilled me about you. The fucking janitor saw me get on your bike last Friday and apparently that is considered inappropriate.”

He taps his mechanical pencil on the desk and then abruptly stands up. “Let’s go now. I’ll take you home.”

“No,” I say. “No. I haven’t made any progress in this class and I’m going to fail. Give me the tests for units one and two.”

“We haven’t even gone over the chapters yet.”

“Whose fault is that? Give me the tests.”

“We had an arrangement.”

“Are you kidding me? Bowman is on to us. I’m not getting in trouble because you want your dick sucked.”

“Don’t,” he warns.

“Don’t what? Speak the truth?”

“That’s not what I was thinking.”

“Well, that’s what you were thinking last week. Danny is picking me up in forty-five minutes so I can be home to take care of Olivia when Jason goes to work. So stop fucking around and give me the tests.”

He sighs and I get a lot of satisfaction out of that sigh. Fuck him and all his stupid rules. All his control-freak shit. All his ‘get naked in my kitchen and do your work’ orders. Just fuck him.

He opens up his backpack and takes out a folder that says ‘Shannon’ on the front of it and I have to roll my eyes. He pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to me. “Test one,” he says.

I snatch it out of his hand and go sit down on the other side of the room, glancing at the clock as I try to calm myself. I don’t have much time and I really want to get two tests done.

My hope dies the second I read the first question. Problem one has four parts and then ten associated questions. Jesus fucking Christ. My ear is pounding, that’s how angry I am.

Label the quadrants, angles, x and y coordinates, and radians of the unit circle. Then answer the questions below using your diagram as a guide.

This will take me an hour at least. I hate math. I get up, throw the test at Mateo, and walk out.

Fuck him. Fuck trig. Fuck this stupid ear.

I text Danny and ask him to pick me up. I’m never going to graduate because I am never going to pass this class. Ever. Memorize the fucking unit circle? Are they kidding me with that shit? Who the fuck needs to memorize the goddamned unit circle? It’s called a computer, you assholes.

I pull out my cigarettes and only have one left. Figures. I light it up and I’m puffing before I even make it outside. The janitor looks at me, ready to say something as I pass, but I look him straight in the eye and say, “I dare you, asshole. I dare you to talk to me right now. And fuck you for telling Bowman I got a ride home. Just fuck you.”

I really want the door to slam behind me, but of course, it’s got one of those soft-closing mechanism things on it, and it simply whooshes closed with a small puff of air.

And then opens up again. “Shannon.”

“Go away,” I tell Mateo. “I’m not even kidding.”

“Why are you so mad? I get it, I didn’t call. But it was a rush thing, OK? It was a big deal for me. I didn’t have time to call, and I told Bowman to send you a message at school so you didn’t show up.”

“Well, I did show up because that school is stupid. No one ever got me that message and I took the bus all the way over here. I didn’t even have enough money left over to eat that day!”

I scream that last part. I might be losing it. All the shit that’s happened over the past year is coming out right now and Mateo had better get the hell away from me, because he’s my target.

Mateo sighs. “Do you want to go to Hawaii with me for spring break?”

“What?” I snap.

He’s got a pathetic smile on his face. Something that might be sheepishness, confusion, or maybe just fear. I hope it’s fear. “I have to go to Hawaii over break to do this demonstration of the stuff I’m writing about in my dissertation, and I’d like you to come.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m sorry. I should’ve called you first. And I want you to come. See what I do. Plus, if you spend any more time with Danny Alexander, I will throttle him.”

“You will not. He’s picking me up right now and if you so much as look at him funny, I will never talk to you again.”

Mateo sighs, runs his fingers through his hair, and then walks away and goes back inside.

I told him.

I tap my foot as I smoke.

Yup. Told his ass right off.

I blow some rings.

He can take his Hawaii trip and shove it up his ass.

Ten minutes later my cigarette is long gone and I’m calming down when Danny pulls in to the parking lot. I get in the passenger side and hug my backpack to my chest.

“Bad night?”

I nod.

“Did you fight with him?”

“Yes, a little. But that’s not the half of it. I wanted to take a test today to try and make progress in this class, so he gave it to me, and goddammit, Danny, it was the longest fucking question ever.”

“So you gave up and walked out?”

“How’d you guess?”

“You’re riled up.”