He loved me.
“Sam?” Holden’s voice is low, edgy. “What’s wrong?”
I only know one way to answer him. I’m on my feet and racing before my brain can catch up with my body. Then I’m slamming into him with full force. My arms go around his neck, pulling his face toward mine, my lips crashing into his.
HOLDEN
Shock freezes me in place. My brain empties. And then I grasp Sam’s neck and her back, pulling her body closer to mine before I realize what I’m doing.
Her tongue darts into my mouth, and every nerve in my body combusts. My hand is in her wet hair, my fingers entwining, gripping, angling her head back as I meet her hungry kiss with the raw and unstoppable need setting my body on fire.
Then with a biting clarity, rational thought splinters through my head. I want to beat the shit out of it. With an ache in my chest and groin, I pull back and break the kiss. Pushing through a shaky breath, I ask, “What are you doing?”
Fuck. Yes, those words did just leave my mouth. But I can’t let her do this. She’s been through too much in too short a time. Her emotions and mind are all messed up.
Her arms are still locked around my neck, and her chest is rising and falling with her heavy breaths. “Just answer me one thing,” she says, and I swallow, terrified of what she wants to know. I force a nod, my movement stiff.
“There’re things you can’t tell me. I get that. But I think I deserve to know just one.” She blinks hard, and I watch as fear covers her eyes. “Did you ever love me?”
The world shifts under my feet. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m relieved or angry she asked that. Relieved because she didn’t ask the one thing I can’t tell her, or angry because I’ve wanted to tell her so badly for so long, but if I admit the truth—it means I don’t deserve her.
My mouth parts, and before I can grasp a full, coherent thought, I hear myself say, “I never stopped loving you.”
She licks her lips, and my heart beats like a freight train. “Make love to me, Holden.”
And it’s my fucking undoing.
I bend at the knees and grasp the backs of her thighs, lifting her into my arms. Unlike the show, or at the tree when I was a screwed up teenager who didn’t have a clue, I don’t stop. I walk her across the room and press her against the wall, so hard, I can feel every one of her curves against my body.
But hell if another thought doesn’t stick my brain. Lowering her feet to the ground, I step away. Sam releases a soft groan, and it tears at my insides. I have to do this first, though. I look into her eyes. “Do you trust me?”
She nods. “Yes.”
Untangling her arms from around my neck, I place them by her sides and then walk to her pack. Finding the bag of prescriptions, I read the labels. Then I pinch one of the antipsychotic pills between my fingers. I inhale a massive breath as I stalk back to her.
Standing before her, I hold up the pill. Her eyes widen. “Open your mouth.”
If she’s truly in her right mind, if she’s given us any thought at all, if she’s ready to release my brother’s ghost . . . This is it. If she’s not, all she has to do is tell me no.
I’ll fucking jump out the window if she does. Because there’s no way I’m coming down from what she just said. But I do love her. And this . . . between us—it has to be right.
With a trembling chin, she opens her mouth. I’m just as shaky as I place the pill on her tongue. Her throat moves as she swallows the medication. And then just as quickly, my lips are on hers, tasting the bitterness of the pill on her tongue. I work hard to make that taste disappear.
Every emotion, every pent up frustration, is barreling out of me at once. I’m worried I’m going to hurt her if I don’t slow down. But I can’t. My hands are on her hips. Then her ass. Her tits. I’m all over the place.
“I don’t know where to start,” I say, my voice quivering with my restrain.
She laughs, and it’s the best sound. “Don’t hold back. You won’t break me.” It’s like she read my mind. I’m suspended for one moment while I stare into her eyes, then with a groan, I sink to my knees.
She gasps as I strip off her God awful pants. Her hands go to my shoulders, and I look up. “Spread your legs.” Her eyes hold mine as she does, and then I’m touching her hips, my fingers skimming her pink underwear. I kiss her stomach, trailing my tongue across her skin.
I desperately want to finish tasting her. For this first time—because, oh, there will be many more tonight—I want to make her come how I wanted to that night in Memphis. My thumb grazes her clit through the material, and my cock extends rock hard at the feel of how wet she is.
I have to reach down and adjust myself, or I’m going to hurt. Then I’m sliding her underwear to the side, staring at and loving her smoothness. Softness. The scent of her body wash mingles with her desire, and I can’t take it. I pull her underwear down and help her step out of them. Then with a want I’ve never felt before, I close my mouth around her, and she digs her nails into my shoulders.
Sliding a finger into her, I stroke my tongue over her clit. Her thighs tremble against my arms. I pull one of her legs over my shoulder so she can balance, because I’m not stopping now. As she gets wetter, she tightens around my finger, and I suck her into my mouth.
“Oh, shit,” she breathes.