He stops but doesn’t face me. “Y
ou don’t have to say anything,” he says. “Just…just give us time. Before you decide to loathe me forever.”
I clamp my mouth shut. I don’t know how I was going to convince him that I can’t be here. That I don’t belong. That even though he believes he has these feelings for me, he can’t possibly.
I don’t know for sure if he’s his own man or the king’s son—and the answer to that determines everything.
So I let it stand. No more words between us. At the very least, I can let him salvage some dignity after baring his soul as he did. It can’t be easy for a man raised to be a king to admit the things he did. Not in this era, and especially not one brought up by King Hart.
After we’re on the other side of the wall, Sebastian unties Hawken and steps into the stirrup, then climbs atop. He lowers his hand to me and I take it, easily mounting the horse with his help this time.
He cocks his head to the side, saying over his shoulder, “Lend me your arm.”
“Why?”
He releases a tense breath. “I see we’re back to questioning everything.” He shakes his head. “Just…here.” He reaches back and takes my arm, then pulls me to the side where he can grasp me fully around the waist.
“What are you—” My sentence is cut short as he hauls me to the front of the saddle, turning me to face the front. “Oh.”
“You can’t learn to ride from the back,” he says. “Now, take the reins.” He places them between my palms and I grip them, my hands clammy. “Hold on tightly. But not so tightly you can’t adjust them if you need to.”
I hastily nod my head, my spirits soaring. I’m learning to ride. “How do I know when to adjust them? And what does that mean?”
His arms reach around me and he rests his hands over mine. “Like this,” he says, positioning my fingers into the correct hold. “Now lightly press your heels into her side.” I do, and Hawken snorts and trots forward. “Let’s keep her at a steady pace.”
We alternate walking and trotting for about half a mile over the grassy plain just outside of the forest. I’m getting a feel for how the horse moves. Though we travel at a slow pace, I can feel the power in her stride. I’m tempted to give her a kick and gallop her—feel the wind sweep over my face and break away, farther from the court grounds. It’s electrifying.
“You ready to really ride?” Sebastian asks.
I am. My insides dance and quiver. I’m nervous, but I want the rush. “Yes.”
He laughs and takes my hands in his, then kicks his heels, leaning us forward. Hawken takes off and panic spurs my chest. Soon we’re moving so fast I don’t have time to think. The world comes at me in patches of green and blue as we bound across the plain. Sheer adrenaline pours through me, and I laugh out loud.
After we switch gaits, circling the plain a few more times, the sun begins to dip below the trees. Sebastian takes the reins and heads us back toward the castle. My elation ends, my stomach plummets. For a moment out here, with the wind in my face and open fields all around, I actually forgot where I was.
Now, I remember I have to go back.
As we ride up to the stable fence, Devlan opens the gate for us. A mixture of emotions passes through me, though I’m not sure I can pinpoint what they are. Sadness, regret for the loss of his parents. Admiration for his determination to become a knight, regardless of his treatment from Sebastian. Curiosity for who he really is, and why he came back here.
None of these are things I can ask him without revealing what Sebastian told me, and I feel that what is between them is private.
We sidle up next to the stable entrance and Devlan strides over to meet us. “The princess’ maid has been in an uproar that she’s been injured or lost.”
Sebastian laughs. “Well, the princess is back and in one piece. Her maid can relax.” I scoot forward so he has room to swing his leg over and dismount. He gives me a wink, then turns toward the glass door. My breath hitches as he inserts his key, and from my perch atop the horse, I see him enter his code: 2016.
The first year of the Final War.
Devlan extends his hand to me, his face drawn. “I had best deliver you to Maid Madity before she threatens to remove my limbs again.”
I accept his outstretched hand, attempting to rein in the smug smile that wants to overtake my face at having found out Sebastian’s code. I bounce off the horse, landing on my feet, which is quite different from the way Sebastian helped me down. As if Devlan’s trying to touch me as little as possible. Jumping off the horse isn’t as bad as I thought. I decide I can do it by myself from now on.
As he releases my hand, I wince. “Ow.”
“What?” Devlan says. “Are you hurt? What hap—” He stops short and eyes Sebastian.
I look between them, surprised at Devlan’s brash outburst. “Nay, I’m fine,” I say quickly, drawing their eyes to me. “My hands are just rubbed raw from the reins.” I press them together and they throb, hot and aching.
Sebastian takes my hands, turning them palm up. Bright red skin covers my palms and fingers. “Madity can fix a solution that will help.”