Devlan directs me toward the atrium. I expect to find Sebastian waiting at our usual table, but when I enter the room is empty. He unlocks the giant glass door. It slides open and he leads me to the outside garden.
My breath catches, and my feet fail to bring me one step farther. Tea lights hang from branches of the fruit trees, tiny flames dancing inside the crystal, lighting up the enclosed area like stars in the night sky. The fountain is lit with a soft white glow, and the water sparkles as it cascades over the stone. In the center of the shrub-enclosed garden, tall and short candles flicker, decorating a table draped in white satin.
Sebastian stands next to it.
“Zara,” he says, my name breathy on his lips. “Wow.” His eyes trail over my frame, taking me in, and I can’t help but do the same to him. He’s dressed in all black, except for a dark blue belt that holds his scabbard and sword, and a matching blue tunic under his vest. He’s striking. The dark clothing against his light-toned features is a beautiful contrast.
He approaches me, his golden eyes flickering. “There are no words for how breathtaking you are.” He takes my hand and bows, placing a soft kiss on the back of it.
I allow him to continue holding my hand as he guides me to a seat. “Sebastian.” I glance around the garden as I sit. “This is truly beautiful. You outdid yourself.”
His smile reaches his eyes, making them bright and lively. “You give me far too much credit.” He waves his hand around. “Can you see me climbing trees?”
I laugh, picturing the prince doing anything himself. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” His head tilts as he stares at me. “And look.” He points to our goblets. “Grape juice.”
I laugh louder, but uncertainty grips my chest as I remember his callous words in the corridor after the betrothal—his lips hard on mine. I push the thought out of my mind and try to be in the now.
We don’t talk much during supper. But the sounds of the garden, with its crickets and the splash of its fountain, enchant me, and I don’t desire conversation.
After supper, Sebastian asks me to walk with him through the garden before I retire to my chamber, and I agree.
The crisp air is weighted, pressing down on me as I realize I must garner the information I came here to get. I can’t postpone any longer. I open my mouth to forge ahead, but he turns to me with questions of his own.
“I was thinking,” Sebastian says, taking my hand in his as we round a corner near the maze. “I’m going into town soon, to make an announcement in the square about the tournament.” His thumb rubs the top of my hand. “Would you like to come?”
I stop and face him. “You’re actually allowing me outside these walls?” I cock my head, trying to hold back the excitement coursing my veins. My whole body wants to react—scream to be ou
tside of Court.
He sighs. “Zara. It was not my intention to inflict intolerable restraint on you.” His brow furrows. “You have to understand. There’re certain precautions we must take.”
“Against this network of conspirators?” I shake my head. “Why have I never heard of them before? Are they truly bent on attacking you—attacking me?”
His mouth lifts in an amused smile. “It’s not what you think, my love. I don’t fear them attacking you. They’re bent on destroying the realm and…ah, it’s complicated.” He takes my other hand in his and brings them between us. “Though Karm is the safest place in all the world, royalty cannot go wandering the streets. You’d be surprised how commoners will latch onto you, and it can become quite frightening when they start fawning.”
“I was a commoner, and I never fawned over anyone.”
He laughs. “You, my love, were never common.” He kisses one of my hands. “But trust me. You don’t want to be stopped every second in the street or market, being asked to change this or that. Invited to suppers and weddings. Made to appear at baby christenings.”
“Is that what I’ll have to do?” I look away from him and glance around the garden. The tea lights glimmer in the tree branches. The chilled air is scented with roses and lavender. I consider where I am…and what I could do if I must remain here. “I hoped to put my position to use—help others, remove station barriers, make the orphanage better. But those will be my duties?”
His smile falters, his face pulls into a scowl. “You’re to be Queen, Zara. Not a saint. The people don’t—” He bites off his words and inhales deeply. “Yes. Those will be your duties. Among others.” His eyes become intense. “Your first, and the only one I require of you, is being with me.” He cups the back of my neck and tilts my head up. His thumb gently rests against my cheek.
I step back abruptly, putting space between us. “Sebastian.” I say his name barely above a whisper.
He releases an audible breath and drops his hands, then stares at the ground. He’s quiet a moment, only the sound of our mingled breaths between us. “Too soon,” he says softly, looks up and backs away farther. “We still have plenty of time before the wedding. We’ll go as slowly as you’d like.”
A shuddering breath leaves my lips with obvious relief, but just as quickly a twinge of panic worms its way into my chest. I feared telling him outright at the meadow that I have no intentions of being with him romantically. And after seeing his temper today on the field with just a sport at risk, I have no idea what the prince may do if I continue to reject him.
However, I can’t allow him the slightest hope that I will ever willingly marry him.
I suck in a breath and latch onto that small fire burning in the pit of my stomach. It’s there, but faint. “Thank you.” I draw myself up straighter. “But I have something to confess.”
His brows hike up his forehead. “Am I going to like this confession?”
Biting my lip, I look up at him. “Probably not, my lord, but I’ve thought long on what you told me at the meadow. I want to be by your side, help you in your endeavors.” I nod, hoping he follows along as I don’t want to say anything incriminating on Court grounds. “Only, I can’t truly be with you. As your wife.” My chest prickles as I allow this to sink in a moment, and then add, “I’ll understand if you should choose another now that you know my position.”