Pushing off the cot, Caben jumps to his feet and storms toward me. He takes my face between blood-stained palms. His tall frame towers over me, and he forces my face up. “You’re not going to be a martyr for anyone.”
Twisting out of his grasp, I pull back. “She’s my best friend. I’ve known her my entire life. I won’t let her suffer—”
He presses his finger over my lips. “And you feel you suffer less?”
Hot tears sting my eyes. “It’s not the same. Lilly loves Willa”—I shut my eyes—“I loved her, too, but Lilly and Willa are together.” Were together. A hollow ache pangs my chest. When I look up into the depth of his blue eyes, the tears break free. “I have to be strong and comfort her.”
Caben rests his warm hand against my cheek and runs his thumb across my skin, wiping the tears away. “As tough as you are, Kal, you’re not indestructible. You need to mourn with someone to comfort you.” He pulls me into an embrace, wrapping his strong arms around me, and
I lay my head on his chest. His heartbeat thumps against my cheek. I swallow down the burning lump in my throat, listening to its rhythm.
“They won’t kill me,” I say. “They need me.”
I look up in time to catch his eyebrows pull together, confusion marring his face. “What are you talking about?”
“Or, at least they won’t kill me yet.” I nearly laugh with the madness churning inside. “No, having my blood spill over their goddess’s grave is why I’m here. They’ll wait.”
“That will not happen.” His gaze rakes over my face. But I see it in his eyes—comprehension. He understands.
“I know what the Otherworlders are trying to do,” I say. “And why all these years they’ve been stealing and trading for mercury. Why they’ve waited until now—and why we’re feeding the ground with our blood.” A flash of my own death enters my mind. I shake it away.
He takes in a labored breath. “They want to restore their goddess.”
I nod. “They’re going to break whatever barrier confines her in the ground. They’re going to resurrect Bale.”
Exhausted, I slump down on the cot. I’m tired of fighting Caben about going to Lilly. I dip my head between my knees and feel the pressure rush to my head. Then the solid touch of Caben’s hand touches my back. He rubs small circles, and gently guides me back to lie down on the bedding.
“She does have Kai,” he says. “She’s not alone.”
He’s right. What right do I have to think I’m the one she needs? That I can comfort her any better. How self-important. I run the back of my hand over my burning eyes.
Maybe I needed her.
I lie on my side, facing the door of the chamber, and Caben slides behind me. He wraps his arm around my stomach, bringing me against his chest. We breathe in sync for a long time before he speaks again.
“They can’t do it,” he says. “They can’t raise Bale without my shard. The dark priest said he needed it before the last night of the Reckoning.”
His words are a small comfort. “They attacked Laryn,” I tell him. “While we’re down here battling in a cage like animals, a war is going on in the last standing country of the Three Realms.”
He sighs, his warm breath caresses my neck. “And you want us to sulk—feel guilty because we’re not there to defend it.”
“No,” I snap. “Why are you still so infuriating?” But his words wash over me, and I tussle with them. “Okay, yes. Watching Willa die tonight makes me feel”—I choke off, ashamed to admit the truth—“worthless. I couldn’t save her, and what happens tomorrow if Lilly enters the Cage? How am I supposed to save her? And even if somehow we survive—if the Otherworlders don’t succeed in raising Bale, and we magically walk out of that Cage—how are we to save Laryn? Or what’s left of it.”
His hand glides through my hair, smoothing the snarled tangles behind my ear. “Have you ever considered, Protector Kaliope, that you’re not a savior?”
I puff out of breath. “I know that.”
“Then what makes you think it’s your responsibility to rescue everyone and defeat everything?”
Thinking, I say, “Because I was chosen to be here.”
“So was I, apparently. All this time, I’ve been unknowingly guarding a shard to your empress’s relic. It’s no accident that I’m here now—that your empress chose you to guard me. The goddesses are waging a war, and we’re just the pawns.” He pauses a beat. “But maybe the goddesses have another purpose for us other than dying in vain against a battle we have no chance of winning.”
It’s common sense, of course. We’re all in this together; every one of us was chosen. The logical side of my brain screams to listen to Caben, to allow his words of wisdom to ease my conscience. But the dark pang thrumming through my blood argues. Does Caben or the others feel the madness of this place? Do they feel it so presently that it grips their senses—their souls?
I can’t answer that for sure. But my heart tells me no. They are not connected to the darkness lurking down here. I look at my wrist and watch the silver swirl against my skin.
But I am.