I turned the cool brass device around in my hand. “Why are you doing this?”
“I love you.”
His words seared into me hotter than any flame could. His eyes gleamed, begging me to believe him. I clamped my eyes shut, ordering my pounding heart to steady, before I looked at him again. “I don’t trust you.”
“I know.” He dipped his head. “And there’s nothing I can say to change that.” He took a cautious step toward me. “Just hear this first. The only thing I withheld was the full truth of where I came from, how I was raised.” He sucked in a breath. “I didn’t want you to know that part of me. I didn’t even know my mom.” He pressed his lips together. “I thought if I protected you and kept the Narcos from discovering you, they’d stop searching and carry on with their secondary plan. They’d never find you, and no matter how long they bred the races, they’d never find the one. And that would even prevent a war.”
I huffed. I had to admit, it was a good plan. “I can’t believe you.” I ground my jaw stubbornly. Good plan or not, I was still upset. But my chest tightened as I thought about what he must have gone through in Drevan’s army.
Reese grabbed my arms. “Do you think if all I wanted from you was to move up in rank, I’d be here now?”
“You said as much.” I yanked back, but he held me firm.
“I said that at the hotel to make you run, Dez. To stay away from all Narcos. I was willing to let you go if it meant keeping you safe from them.”
His words hit me again, splintering my defenses. I opened my mouth to retort, but he pressed on. “And if all I wanted was to gain your trust and turn you over to Drevan, why would I allow a little thing like kissing some other guy hinder that plan, huh?” His eyes searched mine. “That hurt, but I still stuck close to you, making sure the Feyan didn’t discover who you were.”
“Cogs.” It hit me. “You never wanted to dance with me—you were just fending that other guy off.”
He pressed his lips into a hard line. “I did want to dance…but yeah, more than that, I wanted to keep you hidden from them.” He brushed the hair from my eyes and ran the back of his hand over my cheek. “I know you can’t forgive me for omitting the truth, lying, whatever. But know that I fell for you the first time I ever laid eyes on you. And you’ve changed everything about me. Everything I thought I stood for.”
I wanted to hate him, to blame him for everything that had happened, but his words punched through the last barrier guarding my heart. “Reese…” I hung my head, allowing warm tears to spill down. “I wish you would have let me in…told me the truth.”
He brought me to him and clutched my trembling body in his arms. “I was trained not to. But all that doesn’t matter now.” He kissed the top of my head. “You have to get out of here right now.”
I backed away and searched his violet eyes. “But…aren’t you coming with me?”
His face lit up, but just as fast it fell. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I’m the Feyan commander.” He weighed his words heavily. “I have to hold the last flank back until you guys raise the original barrier spell. My order is to take out the Shythe.” A beat. “All of them.”
My mouth fell open. “Drevan was going to kill everyone no matter what I did.”
“Yes.” He nodded. “And when he finds out you’re gone, he’ll send every last one of us in there to tear down Haven searching for you. So you see”—he rubbed his thumb over my cheek—“someone has to be here to hold the Feyan back.”
“But when we raise the barrier you won’t be able to get in—” I broke off, a hard lump choking my words. “And when he finds out that it was you who released me, he’ll kill you.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said sternly. “It has to be done. I’m the only one who can hold back the Feyan. And make sure you remind Jace that I can only do that until daybreak. You have until sunrise.” He studied my eyes, making sure I understood.
I nodded, then squinted up at him. “Jace?”
He smiled. “Long story.” Then he craned his neck, checking the door. “But I promise you, I won’t get myself killed.”
“But you’re going to leave, regardless.” I swallowed. “With the Narcos.”
He held my face, bringing my eyes to meet his. “It’s better than the alternative.” I raised my eyebrows, and he continued. “All of us getting killed.”
I fell into him and wrapped my arms around him. “I was prepared to hate you forever.” I beat my fists against his back, anger and grief welling up inside of me. “Then I get you back just to lose you again.”
“You have to go.” He pushed me away from him. “Drevan will have his spell back up soon.” His eyes scanned my face, his brow creased. Then he kissed me.
His lips ached against mine. And I knew this was it. The last time I’d ever feel his lips. I pulled him closer, wanting to remember every motion, every caress.
It was over too soon, and Reese led me through corridors and out onto the deck. I anchored the hook into the side of the ship as Reese took off his belt and slid it around my waist.
“Glad I changed out of that bustle,” I said, trying to clear the ache from my voice.