As I fold another thin blanket, I push the unwanted thoughts aside. I know there was never going to be any use for my comfort here—I was never going to live anywhere near Perinya, the palace, or Caben. I knew this all those nights ago underground, when I was foolish enough to fall for a prince. And accepting his reciprocating affections as truth? It was enough to keep me going, living.
The cavern, with its tiny sparkling diamonds like stars, invades my mind. I quickly banish it. Pure, utter foolishness. Though if I’d been smart enough to consider reality, t
his present—the one where Prince Caben is possessed by a mad goddess—would’ve been the last thing I’d have dreamed up. I never could have conceived this reality in my darkest nightmares.
Taking one last glance around the spotless room, I suck in a breath, memorizing the scent of oleander, sage, and pine. Caben’s home—Caben scent. My chest twinges with a familiar ache, and I set my pack down near the foot of the bed.
I have no right to ask anyone to go with me on this mission. I wouldn’t risk any of the people I care about. Not even Lilly, though I feel like I might not be able to do this without her. Right now, I miss Willa so badly it’s difficult to breathe. And that’s why I can’t ask this of Lilly; I can’t lose her, too.
I’m sure the other Nactue, especially those recruited from the Reckoning, wouldn’t hesitate to join my side. Despite how they came to join us, they’re loyal to their cause. To me.
However, I won’t ever allow them to risk their lives. Not for my selfishness.
If I was half the Nactue any of them are, I’d have killed Caben when I had the chance. Duty first. No questions. You’d think the Perinyian Council would’ve put a harsh punishment on anyone disposing of their prince…but even they believe his cause is a hopeless one. That Caben is gone. Bale is their enemy, and that is now how they see their once beloved prince.
There’s only one person who I feel is right for me to ask. And it’s not so much that I need him, though I do. It’s more that I fear leaving him behind. Bax deserves to be treated better—he’s sacrificed everything, nearly his own family, to council both my country and Caben’s. He should be shown far more respect.
Decision firmly in place, I nod to myself, as if bolstering my resolve. Then I snap on my pack and head for the Nactue quarters.
Lilly and Lena are deep in battle. Clanks and grunts echo off the facility walls. The chandeliers glow dimly above, casting faint shadows along the gray floor mats. In the background, a soft tune guides Lilly and Lena in limber, dance-like movements, seeming almost orchestrated.
Frankly, we should be out there with the protectors. So I understand their pent-up energy and frustration, and the need to disperse some of it here in our gifted training facility.
Lena’s long ponytail whips her cheeks as she stabs her blunted practice sword toward Lilly’s waist. Always on guard, Lilly spins and blocks, then sends her knee into Lena’s side.
I won’t lie, it gives me a sick thrill to watch Lilly fighting Lena. And winning. I still haven’t made peace with the events that happened during the Reckoning, when Lena took Van’s life. I know, somewhere in the rational depths of my mind, that Lena had little choice. None of us had much of a choice in the unspeakable things we did down there. But there’s this nagging, evil voice that bubbles up at times. It tells me that unlike the rest of us, Lena secretly enjoyed killing Van—one of our former Nactue. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her completely.
In my mind, Lena could have easily been the one to take Willa’s life. Had she been the one chosen to go up against Willa instead of Dash.
Which makes it even more difficult to watch Lilly and Lena now. Lilly having loved Willa deeply. They were more than friends. More than lovers. They were the closest thing I’ll ever allow myself to believe in soul mates.
I don’t understand how she can forgive Lena for taking one of beloved faction members.
I drop my pack near my feet and lean against the wall, watching their match. A pang hits my chest, remembering Lilly, Willa, and I spending afternoons just like this before we were promoted to the Nactue. It seems like a lifetime ago—I feel so removed from that girl with dreams of becoming the empress’s personal guard.
“Watch your back,” Lena shouts.
Lilly’s head snaps sideways for two seconds before Lena’s sword tip cuts her movement short, stopping at her throat.
A prickling sensation swims down my chest to my gut, and I leap forward. Lilly’s breaths are coming in pants as she stares down the blade toward Lena. My own sword is drawn and crashing into Lena’s before Lilly is able to say a word, her mouth left forming a single syllable.
Then, “Shit…Kal!” Lilly falls backward out of the way as I advance on Lena.
Lena meets each of my attacks, her feet taking her farther out of my reach, but I stay on top of her movements. “What—?” she bites out, blocking another quick blow. “What is wrong with you?” Then she steps on my toes, eliciting an angered cry from me, and whacks my blade sideways. She sends the pommel into the side of my head.
“Lena, stop!” I hear Lilly’s hurried footsteps against the mat, but I’m already recovered from the knock and glaring up at Lena.
She raises her thin eyebrows. My fist connects with her cheek.
An eternal moment passes where the only sound is the reverberating thwack of my punch bouncing around the room.
Lena palms the side of her face as she stares blankly at the floor. “I guess I had that coming.”
I pump my hand near my thigh, relishing the pulsing ache. The adrenaline is still climbing, egging me on to finish Lena, but when I glance at Lilly’s startled expression, shame helps soothe the need to fight.
Sheathing my sword, I step back, and Lilly moves to Lena’s side. She reaches out, taking Lena’s face between her hands. “Let me see…”
I expect Lena to jerk away, claim she’s fine, as tough and as stubborn as I’ve always seen Tagger’s once vicious assassin. But she turns into Lilly’s hold. “Don’t make a fuss.”