A fierce quake rocks me at her words. Is this how the goddesses feel? Having all of humanity bow to them? It’s intoxicating.
And, I never thought the woman who fought fearlessly in the Cage, who decapitated giants, who threatened to slice me stomach to throat during our first interaction, would say those words. It goes against not only her very nature, but every assumption made of the strong, unattainable Nactue women. I’m suddenly wary that the earth will stop spinning and all manner of chaos will ensure.
Although, isn’t that its unavoidable course? I laugh aloud and watch Kal’s dainty features pull together.
“Isn’t that what you’re asking of me?” She tilts her head.
I sink my fingers into her hair and angle her head back. Time to test her. “Absolutely,” I say. “Now, on your knees.”
“What?”
And there it is—the flash of seething resentment in her eyes. Though she quickly checks it, schooling her expression into one of compliance, it was there for an instant. It’s such a waste that I only have hours left with her. A day isn’t enough time to truly own her.
Ah, but it’s enough time to pretend. All kinds of games.
“Fall to your knees,” I demand through clenched teeth.
Her mouth parts, and my angst amplifies as I wait for her to give herself over completely. But she doesn’t. Her obedience is stalled by her damned willfulness.
Heat explodes in my chest. I’m backing her against the wall before I realize my feet are moving. Her back hits the glass and my body traps hers.
“Caben—” My name whooshes from her mouth in a forced exhale. Her shoulders hunch as she recovers from the impact. Then she finds my eyes as I stare down at her, my hands pressed firmly against the wall on either side of her head. The only thing anchoring me to this world and stopping me from losing all control.
“I will do whatever I can…” She squeezes her eyes shut. When she opens them again, her resolve is in place. Rivers of glowing silver swirl around the contours of her cheeks. “Whatever I can to make this easier for you, because Goddess knows I deserve your wrath, even some humility. But I will not bow to your manipulation.”
I feel my forehead crease. “Manipulation?”
“Yes, Caben. You’re confused, and I might be confused, too. Because really, I’m the most inexperienced woman when it comes to matters of the heart. And this is difficult for you, I know, to discern the difference, but you would have never forced this on me before. You won’t control me by using my fears against me. I’ve told you how badly I fear my role as a leader, it’s no secret. I may have even craved some loss of control…but the man I love and trust? He’d have made me feel safe first. Able to let go and know that I’m protected. Not manipulated.”
My hands slide down the wall to grasp her face. Run my thumbs over the silvery wisps circling her skin. “Only someone like you would see this through such a skewed perception.” The power begins to build, and I have to forcibly hold it back. “Why can’t you accept this!” My breaths come faster, my chest expanding with each painful intake of air. Her jasmine scent searing me from the inside out. A groan wrenches from my throat. “So fucking infuriating!”
“Release me, Caben.” She latches on to my wrists and maneuvers out of my hold. Then she reaches behind her head and unclasps the choker. Throwing it the floor, she says, “I will love you to the end…but I won’t indulge in a lie, not even to escape this sadistic reality for a second. I can’t. I want too badly to hold on to what was real between us.”
Her admission should be a comfort, releasing me from the thrall—putting an end to my unyielding desire. But her rejection over my affections ignites my anger anew. I’m not sure if I can rein in my power once it’s fully unleashed, and it’s dangerously close to that.
“You’re giving me no choice,” I hiss, my feet swallowing the short distance between us.
She holds up her hands, just bringing my steady advance short. “You can still fight this, Caben. We can fight this together. Let me try again… Please, can you not trust me? I can help—”
“No!” I grab her shoulders. “This is it, Kal. This is it. Do you understand?” I pull my lip between my teeth, biting down on it to stunt my words. Then, “If I asked you to run me through, would you kill me? Could you take my place?”
Her eyes widen in fear, or relief. I’m not sure which. And I don’t care. Her hesitance betrays her conviction. “You won’t. And all I wanted was for you to accept my love in its rawest form—the only thing I have left to give you. But your thundering righteousness won’t allow you to even grant me that one, last request.” I move closer to her, my fingers gripping her bare arms. “Seems the only logical solution to our conundrum is to depart together.”
I release a high dose of my power into her, and watch her eyes flicker closed. She moans as I ramp the level, just enough for her to physically taste it. It’s the same thing I attempted at the palace, but this time, Bale isn’t mocking me in background. I’m giving Kal just a taste of the freedom she could obtain if she’d just relinquish her stubborn, insufferable ways.
With a tremor in my limbs and the power crackling over my fingers…before I can pull back…I give her the full dose.
“Let me in, Kal,” I say. And now when her eyes open, I see her empathy. Understanding. Her renewed devotion to me, and lust fueling her senses. She’s only partially feeling what I feel for her every waking, bleeding moment. But it’s enough.
And maybe it is yet some of Bale—not totally me—controlling the outcome. That deep pocket of Bale’s own soul that she buried, seeking herself within the girl before me. Trying to reconnect. I don’t know.
But I’m too tried and too weak and just too damn greedy to examine the difference.
Kal’s body relaxes. Her stiff posture slackens into a languid pose against the wall. I scoop her into my arms. Her head lolls back, and I shift her so that it rests on my chest. I walk past the popping fire pit and out of the brightness of the den, and start my climb to the loft.
Which isn’t the easiest thing to do while carrying a limp girl. A week ago or even yesterday, I’d have bounded right to the top, Kal a feather in my arms. But the reality is finally sinking in. It’s all over.
I just need enough strength for my next act and then I’ll let Bale have my wasted carcass.