My hands move to his hair, my fingers tangling and gripping. Then he’s pulling at my wrists again, and a whimper releases from me as he removes my hands and places them above me. He lifts his head and peers down, livid.
“I have no control,” he grits out. His chest pants with his quick, short breaths. “None. You fucking strip me of any and all control I have over myself. I am trying so hard not to let her take you—”
He breaks off and turns his head to the side. His body trembles. If he’d just give in to the emotions and passion trying to claim us both, he wouldn’t hurt so badly. I try again to seduce him with my body, tempt him to obey the desire crippling us, and squirm beneath him, arching my hips against his.
Only this time, his eyes seethe rage when they fall on me. I stop.
“I know it’s painful, love,” he says against my lips. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…I will never forgive myself…and I’m sorry.” He repeats his whispered words of penance over and over until they’re so low, they’re barely in the room with us. The only sound other than the knocking of my heart.
I want to tell him that he shouldn’t be—that I belong to him; am his. But that nagging thought far off in the corner of my mind ceases my words.
As he pushes my hands higher above my head, I glimpse the shimmer in his frenzied eyes. Tear tracks mar his perfect face. He seems…broken.
“I hope you forgive me…please, one day,” he says. Then cold metal surrounds my wrists. A loud click locks them in place.
“What are you doing?” My stomach clenches into a sick knot, replacing the ravening ache between my thighs.
“What’s right…I think,” he responds. “It’s almost time. Bale won’t be banished with alcohol or my simple, frail human body any longer.” He cups my face between unsteady hands, studies my face. His gaze roams slowly over me, as if he’s committing to memory every detail. One clear tear falls from the corner of his eye and lands in the hollow of my neck. I want so badly to reach down and wipe it away, to wipe his away, but I’m trapped.
With a shaky exhale, he lowers his lips to mine. Caresses them into a long, slow kiss that builds achingly into a passionate intake of air. Our breaths intermingle. His tongue swipes over my lips and into my mouth until he’s tasted me whole.
Against my will, my body responds. Desperate for him to sate the unfulfilled need burning inside me. I feel his want for me, not unrequited but forbidden. Even as I latch my legs around him, pull him closer, he’s breaking the kiss. Turns his head away with a harsh curse.
Then he pushes onto his knees and, with one last, pained glance, leaves me and my body unsatisfied.
“Don’t…” I say, my voice a hoarse whisper. “You can’t leave me like this.”
Caben drives his hands through his tousled hair, gripping at the roots, and rips a frightening shout from his lungs. He marches toward the ladder, ramming his fist through the wall as he goes. Blood stains the splintered wood. And then he’s gone.
I hear his muffled voice barking orders below. “Lake, bring them now! Just do as I say.”
The hatch bangs open and closed. The echo of it seeps into my lost spirit.
“Oh, Goddess.”
Lilly stands at the loft entry, her mouth and eyes wide as she looks me over. “What has he…?” Shaking her head repeatedly, as if she can dispel the scene before her, she sheaths the dagger in her hand. Then she covers me with the blanket. “I’ll kill him.”
Her words don’t fully translate past my fog-walled thoughts. “Where’s Caben?” I ask her. The pain has long turned into a dull, agonizing ache, and I’m drenched in sweat. Shaking and chilled, I’m in need of a fix—Caben’s touch.
I hear more footsteps and low curses enter the loft. Then Bax appears next to Lilly. “Undo her cuffs.” He hands her a silver key, then digs out something from the pack slung over his shoulder.
Once I’m free of my binds, Lilly helps me into a sitting position, holding the blanket close to my chest. Bax clears his throat and then places a new set of clothes near me on the bed.
“I’ll help her,” Lilly says, and Bax nods. His gaze darts around the room, his ashen face seeming concerned, before he clasps Kaide by the shoulder and escorts him back down the ladder.
I’m about to ask after them; why even Kaide seems upset. But a wave of nausea grips me and I buckle at the waist. Lilly’s there beside me, her hand soothingly rubbing my back.
“Did he…hurt you?” She slowly pulls back the cover to inspect, and I shake my head.
“No, but I need to find him.” I toss the covers farther aside and plant my feet on the floor, gaining my balance as I stand.
“Wait, Kal.” Lilly tries to cajole me back to bed. “We need to get you dressed first. You can’t—”
“He’s gone.” I fall to the floor on my knees, hard, and rock back and forth. “Don’t touch me.”
Her booted feet step before my vision, and I turn my back to her. Lying on the floor, I curl into myself. I find a lone shirt balled up near the bed. Caben’s. I coil around it and breathe in his scent, run one of my hands over my chest.
“All that’s holy,” comes a voice—Lena.