Yours Forever

“Good,” she said. “That sounds great, actually. Now kiss me, will you? And stop looking so cranky.”

I gave her the kiss, but I was pretty sure I failed miserably at the second part. I didn’t get up to walk her to the door, either. I just let her show herself out. I lay in bed for a long, long time after she was gone, letting the shock of how empty the house felt without her in it hit me in stages. I hadn’t ever realized how fucking empty the place was, but now that she’d made me see it, I couldn’t seem to make myself blind to it again.

There had been a time when I’d thought that I liked that feeling of hollowness around me, but after my night with Fay, I wasn’t so sure I felt that way anymore. It made me feel like I was suffocating, and after a while, it got to be so bad that I decided I had to get the hell out. I took a quick shower, and because there were very few places in Ashville for me to actually go, I drove myself down to the barbershop.

Eli was working on a customer when I walked in, but he gave me a wide smile. The kind of greeting that made you know you were visiting with a friend.

“Hey man! How the hell are ya? I was wondering when you were going to come down and see my place.”

“And here I am,” I said. “It’s a great shop, Eli. Really good setup you’ve got here.”

“Yeah? Thanks, man. Appreciate it. I’d ask you if you need a haircut, but I can tell by looking at you that you don’t.”

“Nah, just kind of needed to get out of the house, actually. If that’s all right. If I’m in the way, just tell me, and I’m gone.”

“Shit no! It’s all gravy, brother! Have a seat, why don’t ya? Tell me what’s on your mind.”

I sat in the chair Eli indicated to, wondering if it was really that obvious that I was thinking something over. I hadn’t told him I needed to talk about anything, and I was kind of hoping it was just something he said to say. After a couple of seconds of just sitting, I realized he was watching me in the mirror. When I made eye contact, he raised his eyebrows at me, making it clear that he had actually meant what he had said.

“What’s up?” I asked unconvincingly. Part of me wanted to be left the hell alone while the other part realized this was probably why I had come in the first place.

“You tell me, brother. You’re the one who’s got a look on your face.”

“A look? Please. Come on, man. There’s no look. I’m just really fucking tired is all.”

“Not getting any sleep?”

“No, it’s not that, actually. I’ve been sleeping like a baby. But Fay came over last night, and we weren’t too mindful of the clock. She had to get up super early, and I have a hard time getting back to sleep once I’m up.”

“No shit? So she stayed the night and everything?”

“Sure, no big deal or anything. I gotta say, though, I’m really glad we saw her in that bar.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, definitely. I forgot how great she is, you know? It’s been almost ten years. You would think that whatever it was that made me so obsessed with her when we were younger would have worn off, but it hasn’t.”

“I’m not surprised,” Eli commented, his face now impassive and trained on the hair he was finishing up. “She’s a good woman.”

“Yeah, except that she’s more than good, you know? She’s really fucking great. I forgot that, being away. I forgot how amazing she was. And it’s like she only got better while I was gone. With most people, it doesn’t work that way, but it really seems like that’s what happened with her.”

“You want to know my opinion, brother? And keep in mind, I’m nothing special myself. Just a small-town barber, you know?”

“I don’t care. Shoot. What do you think?”

“I think you might be starting to feel like Ashville isn’t the worst place to be, after all. That’s what I think.”

There was more conversation after that, but I would never remember what it was. Whether he had meant them to or not, Eli’s words had hit me like a ton of bricks. They had scared the shit out of me. Because there was no way I was going to let those words be true.

Fay was great. There was no bullshitting involved in any of that, but that didn’t mean I was suddenly ready to stick around in Ashville. I had worked too damn hard to get out, only to be sucked back in all these years later. And weren’t there great women everywhere? It might suck to have to leave her again, but was that enough of a reason to stay? Was I really prepared to stay in Ashville for a girl I’d loved in high school?

“No fucking way,” I whispered to myself fiercely. I was the only one who heard the words, but as far as I was concerned, it could have been the whole world. There was no fucking way I was going to let Fay get deep enough into my heart that I would choose to stay for her, great girl or not.

Chapter 15: Fay

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“All right, I’ll give,” Courtney said. “What’s with you today?”