Runaway Groom (I Do, I Don't 2)

Ellie to Gage: I can’t help it. It’s like a horrible train wreck. How’s Dubai?

Gage to Ellie: Hot. How’s business? Meeting at that L.A. boutique go well?

Ellie to Gage: Yeah, the girl placed a huge order. Better than I could have expected, although mostly she just wanted to know if you were a good kisser.

Gage to Ellie: And you said…?

Ellie to Gage: 6 out of 10.

Gage to Ellie: Take it back, Wright.

Ellie to Gage: Good night, Hollywood.

Invitation Ceremony #11

SEVEN WEEKS LATER, DURING THE AIRING OF EPISODE 11 OF JILTED

Dear Sidney—

You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of Gage Barrett and his future bride on Saturday, May 21, at two o’clock in the afternoon. Dinner and dancing to follow.

*

The Runaway Groom on why he jilted Sidney: “She’s a great girl, but I don’t think she and I ever stood a chance the second she learned I ate red meat and didn’t drink organic bourbon.”

*

Text message from Ellie to Gage: I liked Sidney.

Gage to Ellie: Her laugh bothered me. A lot. I couldn’t listen to it for the rest of my life.

Ellie to Gage: Yeah, because celebrity marriages really last for the long haul. And you told Adam she was a great girl.

Gage to Ellie: She is. A great girl…whose laugh makes me crazy.

Ellie to Gage: Fine. How’s your shoulder?

Gage to Ellie: My shoulder?

Ellie to Gage: TMZ said you injured it during a stunt today.

Gage to Ellie: I can’t decide if I’m flattered or appalled that you read that shit.

Ellie to Gage: So, you didn’t hurt it?

Gage to Ellie: No, I did. Dislocated it.

Ellie to Gage: Gage! Are you okay?

Gage to Ellie: Will start to feel better once I learn you’ve finally watched The Godfather.

Ellie to Gage: Sure, I’d better get right on that. Wouldn’t want you to be too injured to film those hot pirate-wench sex scenes.

…

…

Ellie to Gage: Can we strike that from the record?