“Yeah,” she said, drawing the word out with an uncertain tone. “But that’s a broad topic. What’s this about?”
“I have a friend I’m trying to understand better. She had a shitty father, no mother. The way we were raised…it’s hard to relate. ”
“A friend…or a girlfriend?” Whitney asked.
“We’re…kinda trying to figure that out. ”
“Oh. ” Her voice dropped with dread.
Wes shifted on his feet. “Oh, what?”
“Well…how much time do you have? It’s not simple. ”
“Can you just give me the Cliff’s notes?”
“Let me ask you this,” Whitney said. “How deep are you in with her?”
Over his head—that was how deep. “Look,” he backpedaled, suddenly feeling sick. “It’s not a big deal. Forget I asked. ”
“That deep, huh?”
“Sorta, kinda, not…really…” Yes. That fucking deep.
A moment of silence followed. Wes pulled in a breath to cut off the awkwardness, but Whitney spoke before he could.
“The first thing you need to know is that no two cases of childhood neglect are alike, just like no two people are alike, so the effects are as unique as a fingerprint. ”
“But like a fingerprint, there are some overall similarities, right?”
“True. The most important of which—for you—would be the person’s inability to form lasting relationships. ”
That statement felt like a punch to his gut. When she didn’t go on, he said, “I’m listening. ”
“Neglect is just another form of abuse. ” So much compassion filled Whitney’s tone, Wes cringed. He couldn’t stand thinking of Rubi as an abused kid. “We can talk about this more when you’re home, but when a child doesn’t connect with some type of primary caregiver, they lack the ability to truly
connect with people. They’re often unable to trust, suffer poor self-esteem, and can’t regulate or even understand their own emotions let alone others’. The longest-lasting effect is the PTSD—”
“Wait. What? She wasn’t physically abused…at least I don’t think…” Fuck, he didn’t know. Every muscle in his body was tight.
“She didn’t have to be. PTSD is an emotional reaction. Because she can’t process them correctly, whenever they come—the fear, anger, sadness—she’s going to want to run, or fight back. ”
Wes’s mind was churning, remembering everything he’d learned about Rubi over the last two months, everything that had transpired with her over the last week. He glanced back at the group, where Lexi continued clearing the table, laughing at something Rubi said. “What if she has a really good friend? One she’s had for a decade? Someone who’s like a sister to her?”
“That’s a good sign that she can hold a relationship together. But it’s a woman-to-woman relationship, different from the way a woman exposes herself to a man when she’s in love. Romantic relationships are typically the perfect storm for these people, Wes. No smooth sailing. ”
Wes’s gut felt shredded now. “Are they… I don’t know… I know this isn’t the right word, but curable? I mean…can someone be rewired?”
“You must really like her,” Whitney said, her voice soft.
Wes didn’t confirm or deny. He was feeling a little fragile himself at the moment.
“Of course there’s hope, Wes. I’m a psychologist. If I didn’t believe I was helping people every day after all I’ve gone through to get here, I’d throw myself off a bridge. That said…after years of treating patients with childhood trauma, my advice to you—as my brother, whom I love and want to see happy—would be to back out as quickly and quietly as possible. ”
Yeah…no. Too late for that.
“So,” he said, switching away from the uncomfortable topic, “do you need my flight info?”
“No. Mom gave it to me. ” Squealing echoed from the background. “Oh boy. Sounds like they’re having more fun with the dog. I better go. See you tomorrow. ”