He sinks one knee onto the bed and eases down, half on top of me, half beside me. He covers my hand with his and threads our fingers, then kisses my bare shoulder. The feel of his weight and warmth, the scent of his skin, coils around my heart, soothing the bruises.
“You know that’s not true.”
“Actually, I don’t. I thought you might have felt guilty, like you were cheating on Jana. Or that when you had time to think about it, you realized that what we have doesn’t compare to what you had with her, so I might have satisfied your body but not your heart, and you were ultimately disappointed.”
He doesn’t immediately answer, and I brace for rejection. Normally, rejection slides off my shell-like exterior, but I already know Ben’s will pierce my armor.
“That’s pretty insightful, but untrue.” He pulls his hand from mine and sweeps my hair off my neck, where he kisses me again. “How would you know that? Have you lost someone?”
“No, but my dad did, and we had long, open talks about my mother and the women he dated after her.”
“The out-to-sea effect?”
“Yep.”
He goes quiet, and I let the moment float, loving the feel of his warm body against mine.
“I can’t tell you how much what you did today means to me,” he says. “Those girls are everything, they’re my world, and I just can’t be everywhere at once. If something happened to one of them…” He lets out a long breath. “I really don’t know how I’d cope.”
“Are you going to let me take care of them when you’re at work so neither of us has to worry?”
He sighs. “This is complicated, isn’t it?”
I certainly can’t deny that. “The girls should come first. If you and I need to end what’s happening between us to put the girls’ needs first, then that’s what we’ll do. Like I said in the beginning, I’ll always treat the girls the same.”
He pulls a strand of hair behind my ear. “What’s happening between us, Kat?”
I smile. “Walked right into that, didn’t I?”
“God, you’re amazing. I have never met anyone like you. You’re so up-front, so honest, and so unapologetic about the whole thing.”
“I’m not going to apologize for being me.”
“And that confidence. It’s so uncommon. So outstanding.”
“I’m not confident about everything.”
“But you’re confident in saying you’re not confident.”
“Now you’re just making my head spin.”
He snuggles his face against my neck and gently nips at my jaw, letting out a quiet moan. “I want you so bad, I can’t think about anything else.”
“In case you didn’t notice,” I say, “I’m right here, naked under this towel.”
“Oh, I noticed.”
“That purr in your voice makes me wet.”
He moans. I’m impatient. I want him just as badly, but I get the impression he needs to talk.
“Ben, just say what’s on your mind.”
“I don’t fully understand it, and I don’t want to scare you.”
I glance back at him. “Scare me? Nothing could scare me like the sight of Jazz on that dock alone. And I survived.”
“I really care about you, Kat,” he says. “I know things are happening fast, but I feel like I know what you’re made of. I feel like I know you better than people I’ve known for a long time, because you don’t hide things. And I’ve been working through these complex feelings because I don’t feel the same way about you that I felt for Jana, but that’s not better or worse, it’s just different. I’m a different man now. In so many ways, I think of Jana as a warm memory. You… God, you stir my blood. You put fire in my veins. You make me want things I never thought I’d want again.”