That shouldn’t feel like too much, but it does. “KT said she’d have a boat ready for move-in tonight. We’re going to do it together.”
He sighs. “Okay. Maybe tomorrow?”
I bite my lip. “I’m having enough trouble in town without having everyone talk about how I’m just going to hurt you again.”
His gaze holds mine, and I can read what’s sliding through his mind. He’s doubting my feelings for him. My commitment to this relationship. And if he’s worried about it now, I see trouble in our future. I’m having a hard time seeing a way to fix it that doesn’t include making me feel boxed in, and I realize in that moment, I’ve gone from feeling boxed in with my parents to feeling boxed in with Levi. Not the same thing, of course, but there are still expectations, and I’m still as lousy at getting out of them now as I’ve always been.
I slide my hand to his jaw and kiss him. “Let’s do this one step at a time for a bit.”
15
Laiyla
I lean on the cart’s handle as KT, Chloe, and I stroll down an aisle at the local kitchen store. KT finished replacing the collection and freshwater tanks on the Georgie Pie and repaired the sewage pump on the main dock. We’re still deciding who should move in, but whoever it is, we all need the same basic kitchen supplies.
It’s a nice break for me from the stress that has plagued me with Levi. While I was with him, the commitment to give this relationship serious consideration had been real and heartfelt, but now, thinking about what that entails, I’m starting to feel squirrely again.
“Since you’re the only one with a guy,” Chloe says to me, “you should move onto the Georgie Pie. With a man like Levi, you’re going to need a lot of privacy.”
Something prickles uncomfortably beneath my skin, but I don’t know what or why.
“What’s that about?” KT asks. “Why does needing privacy with Levi make you clench your teeth.”
I release a heavy sigh, then look up and down the aisle, making sure no one can overhear; still, I lower my voice. “He’s putting me in a tight spot. Making me an all-or-nothing ultimatum. Says a two-year commitment isn’t enough for him. That he doesn’t want to waste that time with me when he could be starting a family.”
KT frowns hard. “Excuse me?”
“He didn’t say it in those words, but that’s how it felt to me.”
“Well, he is at an age where people have children if they’re going to have children,” Chloe says. “I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that. Do you guys want kids?”
“Not me,” KT says. “I wouldn’t know what to do with a kid. And a husband is really nothing more than a big kid. Count me out.”
“What?” I say. “You’re just going to hook up with hot guys the rest of your life?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Chloe and I share a look and shrug at the same time.
“You’ve got us there,” I say. “What about you, Chloe?”
She tilts her head and smiles a little. “The idea is a beautiful one, but I’m already thirty, and I don’t see myself settling down with anyone anytime soon. I’m still healing.” She glances at me. “You?”
I exhale. “That’s another thing. He wants kids, and I guess I gave up on that dream when I kept failing at relationships. My parents never push me or even talk about grandkids. Their focus is all on the career. Now, that idea is so foreign to me, I don’t even know anymore. And the way Levi’s talking, the sooner he could have kids, the better.”
“Aw,” KT says. “It’s so hard to be so loved.”
I frown at her. “What?”
“You’re stressed about being so completely loved that he hasn’t been able to get over you after twelve years,” KT says. “And he’s still so in love with you that after only a few weeks together, he knows you’re still The One.”
“Still the one, I want to talk to in bed,” Chloe starts singing and dancing down the aisle. “Still the one that turns my head…”
KT and I give her a look and her performance fizzles. “No fun.”
“Come on,” KT says. “I’m not the romantic here, but even I see that as pretty fucking amazing.”
“Okay, yeah, you have a point.” But tension crawls into my fingers, and I shake out my hands. “Gah, why does this stress me out so bad? He’s amazing. A-ma-zing.”