Josh grabbed a paper towel from the roll on the sink. “No worries. I’ve got it.”
“Thank you. I’m so excited to finally meet you. Carolyn talks about you nonstop when she’s lucid. My, oh my, she couldn’t have been more proud of you if you’d been her own son.”
“I think you have me mixed up with her former son-in-law, Isaac Beck. He’s also a SEAL.”
“No, no, I know all about Isaac. And all the other men in your team. I think there was a Boomer, Digger, Big Joe… But there’s no doubt you were her favorite. Yep, I’ve heard all about you, Mr. Charmer.” Her grin made Josh wonder just what Carolyn had said. “Carolyn will be so thrilled you’re here— Oh…”
She trailed off as if she’d just remembered something, and a shadow darkened her expression.
“What?” he asked when she didn’t continue.
“It’s just… She’s having a rough day, and there’s no guarantee she’ll remember you. People from the past can be a positive trigger, bringing back a whole range of memory, but they can also cause stress and anxiety, which…well…
“I’m sure Grace has told you that Carolyn hasn’t recognized her since Betty passed. That was her roommate.” She shook her head and gazed out the window at the women. “It’s been really rough on Grace. I’m so glad she has someone to lean on now. We all need that, don’t we?” She smiled sadly at Josh. “Even you big strong SEALs lean on each other, right?”
“I’ve got you covered, buddy. They’ll have to get through me to get to you.” Beck’s words to Josh on that horrible day filled his head.
Josh cleared his throat, emotions cluttering his heart. “Yes, ma’am. Everyone needs help once in a while.” He watched Grace and Carolyn through the window. “I was surprised to hear about this. Carolyn is so young…”
“She’s about ten years younger than average for memory issues, but not the youngest resident I’ve had here. Last year, we lost a fifty-eight-year-old woman who’d been suffering for somewhere between five and seven years.”
Josh’s heart sank, and he nodded in acknowledgment of Tammy’s statement.
Outside, an angry outburst drew Josh’s gaze back to the women. With a frustrated cry, Carolyn slapped her hands on the table. She hit the bowl, shooting Cheerios everywhere. And when the little Os hit her, she screamed, batting them away like bees. Josh gripped the counter with one hand, muscles coiled to act. “Should we—”
“Not yet.” Tammy closed a hand around Josh’s forearm. “I’m going to have to stop letting Carolyn do this project.” A wry warmth filled her voice. “We string the Cheerios for the birds because she loves watching them through the window, but when she’s lucid, she says they look like feathered bowling balls and claims we’re promoting sparrow obesity.”
Grace jumped up, wrapping her arms around Carolyn from behind, trapping her arms at her sides while she spoke in her ear.
“Grace is really good with her.” Tammy’s hand eased off Josh’s arm, and she set the spoon down. “The less chaos for Carolyn when she has a moment, the better.”
Carolyn burst into tears and slumped in her chair. Grace pressed her face to her mother’s hair. Then she laid her cheek against her mother’s head, rocking her gently, while tears glistened on Grace’s cheeks.
“Oh dear…”
The empathy in Tammy’s voice resonated in Josh’s chest. His eyes burned. His heart ached. And his whole view of his role in Grace’s life shifted.
“I can see this isn’t the best day for a visit,” he said.
“I’m so sorry.” Tammy turned an uncertain smile on Josh. “Please come back another time. When Carolyn is in a better place, I know she’ll enjoy your visit. I know seeing you with Grace will bring her absolute joy and peace.”
Joy and peace.
The thought of staying with Grace, of being her support, brought Josh the same sense of joy and peace…among other emotions.
Yes. He’d definitely be back.
Grace stepped out onto Safe Haven’s front porch, feeling hollow, fragile, and bruised all at the same time. The memory of her mother coming unglued because she hadn’t been able to thread a goddamned Cheerio onto a freaking piece of yarn burst behind her eyelids again, and her knees buckled. She slid along the door until her butt hit the cement, covered her head with her arms, and burst into tears.
They didn’t last long. Maybe twenty seconds. Crying took energy, and after a sleepless night, she was physically drained and emotionally wiped out. The episode with her mother—mild in the scheme of things—had just pushed her over the edge.
Now, she had to go spend three hours at cheer practice pretending to be bubbly and enthusiastic for twenty-two seventeen-year-olds, followed by another eight hours of teaching women how to be enthusiastically sexy for men looking for a fantasy escape.
Days like this made her want to just give up. The only thing that kept dragging her back to her feet was the thought of how often her mother must have felt just like Grace did now while she’d been raising her alone, working two jobs. And she’d always been there to greet Grace with a smile, dry her tears with soft words of hope, and cheer Grace through life while struggling through her own.
She pushed to her feet and dried her face. She’d be okay. Her mom would be okay. Grace just needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Focus kept her moving forward, right up until she found Josh sitting on her hood, cross trainers propped on her bumper, elbows on knees.
Her stomach dropped. Her shoulders followed. But her heart was already shattered and numb. “I can’t do this, Josh. I really can’t.”