Zach was also thinking about how badly he wanted to kiss her. And what a mistake that would be in the long term. Women generally didn’t respond well when Zach walked away. And this woman had complete control over the new love of his life. Too bad his body wasn’t listening to his head.
“She’s amazing,” he whispered. “You’ve done an incredible job with her.”
The angst in her eyes transitioned into warmth, and a sweet smile curved her lips. “It wasn’t all me. Corinne didn’t have the strength to care for he
r day-to-day needs over the last couple of years, but they spent a lot of time together, talking and reading.”
Zach’s heart hurt—for so many reasons. Knowing the mother of his child had suffered when he could have been helping. Knowing three precious years of Sophia’s life had passed, and he could never get them back. Knowing how hard these years had been on Tessa.
Zach reached over and cupped her cheek. Tessa’s eyes closed, and she leaned into his touch. The small show of desire stirred the embers in his body. “I’m sorry this has been so hard for you.”
She opened her eyes and met his, but didn’t move away from his hand.
“The studio wants me to take the lead in the show next season,” he told her. “Once I find a new agent, I can sign a contract. It will give me stability and income. I’ll be able to take good care of her.”
A flicker of panic cut through her gaze. “That’s not…” She lifted her head from his hand. “What are you saying?” She didn’t wait for his response before she went on. “You’re not her only parent, Zach. I may not have given birth to her, but I love her as if I had. And I’ve already told you, I’m not giving her up.”
“I know that, and I’m not asking you to give her up,” he said, fighting against his natural tendency to compete. “But you can’t expect me to give her up either. I just found her. I’ve already missed so much of her life. We need to find a compromise—”
“Living part-time in Hawaii and part-time in DC may be a compromise, but it isn’t stable. And having her raised by a nanny sixteen hours a day while you’re filming isn’t taking care of her.”
“I didn’t say anything about where she’d live.” The argumentative words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “And you have a nanny.”
“That’s because Corinne was sick. And then she died. I’m trying to adjust. And when I make junior partner, I’ll be able to afford to move closer to work and cut my commute in half. I’ll be able to work at home a few days a week.”
“I won’t have any commute, and I’ll be able to bring her to the set. She’ll be able to go to school with the other kids. She’ll get a one-on-one premium education. Having Sophia live alone with me is no different from having her live alone with you.”
“It’s a lot different,” she said earnestly while keeping her voice down. “With me, she won’t have a string of one-night stands wandering in and out of her life. Watching her father hook up with different women all the time isn’t the way for a young girl to build confidence or self-esteem. And it’s even more unsettling for a girl whose mother died and who is separated from the woman who raised her. Sophia has enough hurdles to overcome as it is. She doesn’t need mixed messages about a woman’s role in—”
“Stop,” he ordered in a low but firm tone so he didn’t wake Sophia. “Just stop. This conversation took a very wrong turn somewhere.”
She pulled in a breath, held it, and closed her eyes again.
“I’ll admit I’ve played my life fast and loose. But I haven’t been raising a child. I realize none of this will be easy—on either of us. But just the few hours I’ve spent here tonight has shown me the trade-off will be worth all of it.”
She exhaled heavily. “Let’s put her to bed. I don’t want her waking up while we’re talking about this.”
Zach clenched his teeth. He felt so out of control. He was never out of control. His life was always moving in the direction he wanted it to move. And while he might not be going places as fast as he’d like, he was still going where he wanted to go.
Until now. Now, he was at sea in a hurricane.
Tessa slipped away from Sophia, shifting the little girl’s weight to Zach. Then she turned and reached for Sophia. But her phone buzzed again.
“Dammit,” she whispered, pulling her phone from her back pocket and sighing her answer into the phone, “Good evening, Senator Rose. It’s awfully late in DC.” She propped a hand on her hip. “Yes, I understand your concerns.”
She went quiet again, listening, and when Zach realized her call wasn’t going to end anytime soon, he gently pulled Sophia close to his body and pushed to his feet in an awkward move Surfer magazine certainly wouldn’t be raving about.
Sophia murmured and shifted. Zach froze, fearing she would freak if she woke and found Zach holding her, not her mother. But Sophia’s eyes stayed closed. Her lips parted on an unintelligible word, then relaxed into a rosebud pucker. Her cheeks were round and rosy, her blonde curls wispy against her smooth skin. She looked different sleeping. Like an infant, not a three-year-old. For an instant, Zach saw a glimpse of the years he’d missed, and another dagger stabbed his heart.
He managed to get his legs working and followed Tessa into a bedroom while she continued talking on the phone in undertones. Zach stopped listening to her side of the conversation when she said something about constituents. Politics was way the hell out of his wheelhouse, which made him wonder—again—why he was still so attracted to Tessa. He had more in common with Kerry and Candy, surfer girls with no future, looking for nothing more than a good time.
At least he had until this precious little thing came into his life.
Zach laid Sophia on the bed with her Pegasus, trying to figure out what the hell was going on inside him. Tessa’s sparkly T-shirt rode up around Sophia’s belly, exposing perfectly smooth baby skin and her nighttime pull-up diaper—something he hadn’t even known existed before tonight. Sophia rolled onto her side and buried her face in a pillow.
Zach watched her for a moment. He’d caught glimpses of himself in her face tonight—in her eyes and nose, the shape of her face. Sophia certainly had the intense side of his personality, though he wasn’t sure that kind of thing was genetic. She looked deceptively small in the big bed, nothing like the force that had jumped on him to say thank you earlier. Her legs, belly, and face were still softly rounded with baby fat. She was delicate and perfect, and just looking at her made Zach’s entire chest ache.
“Kiss-kiss…” Sophia murmured without opening her eyes.