Chapter Eighteen
‘Kolga is the name of Hilda’s sister, but what does she have to do with anything?’
‘I don’t know, but that’s what I heard.’ Sissa dug her teeth into her bottom lip, apparently unable to meet his gaze any longer.
‘Kolga...’ Danr drew his brows together, wondering how they’d gone from his declaration of love to the name of his step-aunt in just a few short heartbeats. It was the first time in his life he’d said the words I love you, but either she hadn’t heard or she was choosing to ignore them. From the horrified expression on her face, it was obviously the latter. So much for taking a
second chance on happiness together. She looked as if she were about to be sick.
As for Kolga...she’d always hated his father, but there had never been any evidence linking her to the massacre. Until now.
‘Maybe you came after the wrong woman?’ Sissa said the words quietly, moving away to the other side of the fire pit.
‘Or maybe she and Hilda planned the massacre together?’
‘No. I saw her face. I didn’t see any guilt there.’
‘You don’t know her the way I do.’
‘I’m not determined to find her guilty either.’ She pursed her lips. ‘Now you can take a branch of peace and go and speak to her calmly. Just make sure Knut is there to watch Joarr.’
He gritted his teeth. ‘Are you trying to get rid of me now?’
For a moment her expression wavered and then went blank. It was the old impassive expression she’d been wearing the first time he saw her, as if she were retreating inside herself before his very eyes. ‘Yes. You came here for a reason, remember? You’ll never be able to carry on with your life otherwise.’
‘What about us?’ He was already bracing himself for the worst. ‘What about the fact that I just told you I loved you?’
‘I never asked for your love. I told you from the start, I live alone. That means for ever. Now you need to go and fulfil your oath.’ She hesitated briefly. ‘Leave me in peace, Norseman. I don’t want you to come back.’
* * *
Sissa bumped the cauldron painfully against her leg as she marched towards the river. She didn’t particularly want any water—it was starting to rain again anyhow—but she needed to put some distance between her and Danr. She’d told him to leave, which meant that she had to keep away until he’d gone so she wouldn’t be tempted to change her mind.
She glanced over her shoulder, making sure he hadn’t decided to follow her. He hadn’t. Neither had Tove nor Halvar this time either, the pair of them slinking off into the forest when she and Danr had started to argue. No doubt Tove would come and find her soon enough, but Halvar would probably still stay with his new favourite.
She flung herself down by the riverbank, pressing a hand to her stinging eyes. She’d spoken impulsively when she’d told him to leave, but she’d made the right decision for both of them. She should never have even considered letting him share her life. She was safer and better off on her own. Now it was too late to deny that she loved him, but she could stop herself from caring any more than she already did. She could barricade her heart and try to forget the expression on his face when she’d said that she’d never asked for his love. She could even force herself to feel anger again, too. How dared he try to tell her how to live and insist that he stay to protect her! She didn’t need him or anyone. She was in control of her own life and the sooner he was out of it, the better. In a month or so, he’d be nothing more than a handsome memory.
Even though she was quite certain her heart would break anyway.
A twig cracked behind her and she spun around, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling with awareness. There was no sign of anyone or anything, but there was a new feeling of tension in the air. She had the distinct impression of being watched—hunted—and not by Danr. It was someone else... She reached a hand out for her spear and realised she’d left it behind when she’d run away. She was alone, weaponless and wolf-less...
Slowly, she reached for the cauldron handle—at least she could use that as a weapon if she had to—and braced her knees, getting ready to run when another twig cracked from a different direction and a hand wound its way around her throat, closely followed by another over her mouth. Instinctively, she kicked backwards, swinging the cauldron behind her, pleased to hear a grunt of pain as it connected with something, then she was falling and whoever was holding her was falling, too, and then...she was aware of a thud, a shooting pain in her skull, followed by darkness.
* * *
Women! Danr rammed his few belongings into a pack. No, not women—woman! There was only one woman in the world who had this much power over him, the power to make him feel angry and infatuated and distraught all at the same time, as if he were going crazy! It was ironic really. For the first time in his life, here he was trying to do the right thing by a woman, to help and protect and love her, and she’d thrown it back in his face. Why couldn’t she see that?
On the other hand, he wasn’t exactly blameless. He’d handled the whole situation badly. He shouldn’t just have announced that he was staying, or said that she needed his protection either. She’d been the capable one from the start—the one who’d rescued him—and his words had broken the rules of their arrangement. Maybe he ought to go and find her and apologise. Maybe he ought to grovel again. Maybe he ought to kiss her until she saw sense... No. He shook his head before his imagination got carried away. Kissing her would only make a bad situation even worse, just as it had before. Only, he hadn’t been able to not kiss her then. He’d wanted to hold her tight in his arms because he’d been so relieved that she was all right and because she was beautiful and infuriating and brave and everything he’d ever wanted in a woman.
But she didn’t want him. She’d told him to go and never come back.
He stood and slung the pack over his shoulder. In that case, it was probably best for him to leave without saying goodbye. I don’t want you to come back. The words made his jaw clench. For a little while, he’d thought it might be possible for them to seize a second chance together, but maybe he didn’t deserve another chance, after all. Maybe losing the woman he loved and being alone was his real punishment. It certainly felt like one. After all his years of avoiding love and the pain and regret that went with it, he’d fallen into the same trap as his mother after all...
He ran a hand over Halvar’s head, murmuring a few words of farewell, before looking around for Tove. She was stalking up and down the clearing, making low whining sounds, which was...odd. The wolf was usually Sissa’s shadow, but now she seemed anxious.
‘She’s probably just gone for a walk to calm down,’ he called across to the wolf, trying to reassure them both. ‘No need to worry.’
But he ought to go and make sure, he decided. The last time he’d seen her she’d been heading towards the gorge, a cauldron in her hand, obviously wanting to get away from him. She wouldn’t appreciate him going after her, but now the tingle of foreboding at the back of his mind wouldn’t let him leave without seeing her. He started in that direction, his footsteps picking up speed as he went, though they still didn’t seem quick enough. It felt like the day before all over again and yet somehow even worse. It was his fault that she’d stormed away this time. If he hadn’t argued, hadn’t threatened not to leave, hadn’t told her he loved her...