“I never suspected you had. When you told me he offered to marry you, I was livid,” he said. “I can recall the misery of another maid who’d been charmed by Lloyd’s smooth tongue perfectly well. I wanted to spare you the unpleasantness.”
“He had a ring.” Her brows drew together. “He came to marry me.”
William swore. “I don’t believe it.”
“Well I do, and that is all that matters,” she whispered, turning away from him. “So you decided to save poor, gullible Matilda. To keep me in this gilded cage until you are bored with me.”
“You are not gullible, and I would never tire of you.” He nudged her arm. “What we have is not easy to describe, but I am happy with it. I thought you were becoming so too.”
She hugged herself. “How can I trust you now?”
“Because you know me, better than anyone else ever could or will. I have done everything I can to protect you. I accept your limitations. I will never ask for more than you want to give.” He frowned, trying and failing to define how he felt about Matilda. It was more than need or want. He couldn’t bear to lose her over this. “Lloyd was dismissed from service for lifting the skirts of another maid. He filled her belly and denied any responsibility.”
Her skin paled. “Why did I not hear of it?”
“Luck and quick action.” He sighed. “The girl had been Dawson’s particular friend—not an intimate acquaintance, he assured me—but they confided in each other. She only told him, and he appealed to me. When confronted, Lloyd fled. I never imagined he would return. I never imagined you had formed an attachment to him until the moments before you accepted my proposal.”
Her brow furrowed. “He said he was going to make his fortune, and he has.”
“That surprises me. Lloyd barely worked a day here as it was. Dawson has revealed tidbits of how the servants’ hall is run, and I have to say I’m not pleased with what I have learned has been going on behind my back. I am sorry if you were imposed upon when you were a maid here.”
“I was not imposed upon,” she whispered. “But I was worked very hard. I used to go to sleep at night so exhausted that my whole body ached. Morning always came too soon.”
He clenched his hands into fists, furious. “I’d no idea. I’m so sorry, Matilda.”
“Why should you have troubled yourself over me? I was just a servant.”
“My dear woman, right or wrong, you were never just a servant to me.” He considered whether to touch her, take her hand or wrist, but decided against it. He was patient enough to wait. He would let Matilda make further overtures if there were to be any at all before their arrangement came to an end. “It has always been up to you what our marriage entails. I have tried to give you time to adjust to your new role. I care about you. From the moment we met I wanted to protect you. I hired you without references because I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving my house.”
“Thank you, Captain.” A half smile curved her lips, but her tone dripped sarcasm, something he’d never heard from her lips before. “It is pleasant not to be exhausted anymore. To sleep uninterrupted in a soft bed until after the sun has risen.”
He clenched his jaw. Was she so upset that she never noticed
her slip into formality? He’d grown so accustomed to her using his given name that his rank on her lips was insulting. “I like to wake you solely to have the pleasure of your company.”
She smiled sadly at that. “So you can move me around like a puppet on a string.”
William sighed as his patience was tested with that remark. She might see herself that way, but he did not. Matilda had grown to enjoy his fussing until this moment. “The household needs firmer guidance from you if it is to function properly from now on.”
“Mrs. Young is very set in her ways.” She shrugged. “She won’t listen to me. Why would anyone?”
“Because you are my wife. You must stand up to her. If she wishes to remain in our employ, she must adapt.” He clenched his hands between his knees. Dear God, he’d never heard Matilda so defeated before. It made him afraid he had lost her good opinion forever. Did she even want what he offered her? He had to know today if he’d ruined their marriage. “If you wish to separate now because of what I led you to believe about Lloyd, then that is your decision and I will make the necessary arrangements so you can follow him and hope he will offer for you again. He’d be a fool not to.”
As she closed her eyes and her lips pressed together tightly, William’s heart gave a horrified lurch. Did she wish to go?
He pressed on, knowing he must. “If, however, you want to remain as my wife for the season and beyond, I will be pleased and support any changes you wish to make within the staff and how the household is run. I want you to be happy here. I want our staff to be happy here too, but there is a thickening layer of dust on all the furniture. They must do some work for their wages. I can only assume the dust has formed because you are not working yourself to an early death to clean our house.”
She did not react to his words, but tears began to slide down her cheeks.
He took a calming breath to better voice a third option. “But if spending the rest of your life with me is something you would consider, I would be the happiest of men. We are, despite your misgivings, a very good match. I have trusted you with my life, Matilda, and I have no doubts about that decision. Yet I know it cannot be easy to accept my rules and restrictions. Trust me with your happiness and allow me the privilege of making this a marriage for forever.”
He stood when she remained silent. “I’ll be downstairs if you should wish to talk again tonight. And unless you say otherwise, we will go on as we have been—sleeping beside each other at night, dressing together in the morning.”
On a sudden impulse, he kissed the top of her head. “Think about it, Matilda. I can give you everything you need and more. A home, wealth, security, passion, and friendship. I don’t want to crush your spirit. I want to nurture it. Reveal it until others can see your worth too.”
William looked for signs of agreement, but her eyes remained closed, her face stained with tears. Should he tell her his secret wish? A truth he’d never been sure how to voice? But this moment was the worst time to confess that he loved her. She might think he was trying to manipulate her again. Better to say nothing and wait until the time was right if she stayed.
He strode out with a heavy heart. The truth was always a discomfort, and loving Matilda had always been a secret he’d kept close to his heart. He made his way to the library and stopped before the window.