I can’t help myself. I wave at the window. “Hello? Bars.” I turn so that I can wiggle my fingers at the closed door. “Fully staffed facility. I’ve been locked in here for years. I’m not getting out for a couple of weeks. I’m not going anywhere.”
“It might not be your choice.”
His harsh words send a shiver up and down my spine. I don’t like the way he said that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Did you forget everything I told you last night?” Nine clicks his tongue in annoyance. “I expect more from you than that.”
Hallucination or not… figment of my imagination or a real-life fucking fae, I don’t really care. At that moment, all I can think about is the Shadow Man I used to know and how I spent most of my life constantly searching for his approval. One kind word from Nine would have me floating with happiness for days.
A flippant or, worse, callous comment? It was like being slapped in the face.
I used to cry whenever I disappointed Nine. I used to pout whenever he treated me so coldly.
Now?
I’m just angry.
“Don’t talk to me like that,” I snap, sitting up so that I can glare over at him. “Don’t know if you’ve figured it out yet or not, but I’m not a little girl anymore.”
His silver eyes flash, reflecting the fluorescent light as it continues to whine and flicker. “Believe me
, Shadow. I certainly noticed that.”
Another shiver. The way he looks at me right now? I don’t need my weird talent at being a human lie detector to know that he’s telling the truth.
And I like it. I like the spark of interest way more than I should. Harboring this strange attraction to Nine is wrong in so many ways. I thought I was over my crush when he abandoned me shortly after Madelaine’s death. I almost believed that I’d be happy if I never saw him again.
Having him so close, having him within arm’s reach should I absolutely lose the rest of my sanity and actually touch him… I realize that I’ve been fooling myself all along. I might change my mind come morning, but now? Just like I couldn’t accept that the golden fae was a hallucination even as I was dancing with him in my dreams, I know that Nine is real.
He’s always been real.
Which means—
Panic begins to creep in. Blood drums in my ear, my breath picking up as I try to get air in quicker than I need to. The room starts to spin and I twist so that I’m about to climb out of my bed, slippers flat to the floor as I grip the edge of my mattress with gloved fingers. Okay. Okay. I just need my meds to kick in. The blue pill will work. It’s always worked before. It will work and then I’ll be drifting away, leaving Nine behind as another nightmare.
Maybe if I keep on pretending, it’ll finally come true.
“You’re not real. You’re not. You’re a hallucination, Nine. I see you. I hear you. But you’re not real.”
“Ah, Shadow…” Nine leans forward. He doesn’t leave the shadows in the corner, but I can tell from the dark expression that flitters across his face that he… he wants to. “I know this is a lot. You spent too long inside this place. It served its purpose, it kept you safe, but it went too far. I wanted you to be hidden from those who long to hurt you. I never expected you to forget all about them.” He pauses. “About me.”
“I’ve never forgotten,” I say truthfully. “How can I? When, every morning, I have to confront that I’m here because I told the world that a fae killed my sister? I can’t forget, but that doesn’t mean this is really happening.”
Nine spits out a word. Another one of those foreign words.
I try to echo it. “Ash-lynn? What?”
“He agreed that this was the only option I had. The asylum. It might have kept you alive, but at what cost?”
So this Ash-lynn person is a guy. It’s not the golden fae—Nine called him Rys—which means there’s another one out there who knows about me.
Great. Just great.
“Who the hell is Ash-lynn?”
“I can’t explain. Not yet. Not now.” Nine shakes his head when I start to argue. “Later, Riley. I swear it. But not now. Now, we have to go.” He holds out his hand. “Come with me.”
And… we’re back to that again.