Lip Service (Private Relations 2)

“Long. I missed you,” he replied.

Giving him a halfhearted smile, she said, “Yeah. I missed you too.”

Reaching over, he took her hand and he said, “Come here.”

She allowed him to pull her up against him. Once he’d wrapped an arm around her, she settled her head against his chest.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he said. “You’re right. I handled that really poorly.”

Nodding her head against his chest, she said, “You did.”

Sighing, he continued by saying, “My desire to not define what’s going on between us isn’t a reflection how I feel about you, or us.”

Moving her head off of his chest, she raised her eyebrow skeptically and said, “I’m going to need a little more information than that, I think. I made a fairly natural assumption and you seemed almost horrified.”

Chris turned his body now, so they were facing each other on the sofa and rubbed his hand across his face.

“You already know how things with my parents went. That makes me naturally leery about commitment in general. Things would be perfectly fine between them until they got married, then it was a giant mess. Fighting, screaming, crying.

“That’s only part of it though. I dated this girl all through high school. Gina. We went off to college together. Same school. We got engaged during junior year, right before all that shit happened with my knee. When I was in the hospital after, she got kind of distant. To make a long story short, I was her meal ticket. Once my knee was blown, she made it abundantly clear I didn’t have shit to offer her. She ended up fucking a couple of the other players on the team after we split.”

Chloe winced as he described the breakup. What a brutal bitch!

Going on now, he said, “I don’t want to label things because that’s usually about the time that things turn to shit.”

“Wow,” she said, “Your parents? That’s a terrible thing to put a kid through. I can see how that would make you gun-shy about marriage. I’m not a huge fan of the institution, either. It’s antiquated and unnecessary.”

“But,” she continued, “I don’t see how that relates to my being or not being your girlfriend. Or you telling a woman that you were involved with someone.”

He opened his mouth to speak, so she held up a hand and continued.

“And that shit with your ex? Is that what you think this is? Me wanting things from you or needing someone to take care of me financially?” she asked, on the verge of some pretty righteous anger.

“No, no. That’s not it at all. I don’t think that for a second. When all that stuff happened, I lost everything. My career, my fiancée, my pride. I was a fucking mess. You didn’t see the worst of it. No one did. I don’t have any desire to open myself to that kind of loss again. It terrifies me,” he said.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to label it. What we have right now works, and I don’t see any sense in rocking the boat,” he finished.

“If that’s the way you feel,” Chloe said, “then I can’t really change that. Do you see a future of any kind between us or are you just hanging out with me until you don’t want to anymore?”

“I’m trying not to look forward. I want to just enjoy the moment with you. Is that so wrong?” he said.

Running her hands over her face, she said, “I can appreciate your point of view, but I really don’t think I can continue doing this. Whatever this is with you anymore.”

Tilting his head, he said, “What do you mean?”

“The whole time you were gone, I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I’d fallen in love with you, and you can’t even admit to being my boyfriend. You don’t want to look toward the future or even explore the idea that there could be something beyond the moment. I can’t help but look to the future and see you in it. I can’t continue to do this, knowing that we want totally different things.”

She saw a look of pain flash in his eyes, and he said, “Chloe,” and reached for her.

She scooted back and said, “No. Don’t. It would be too easy for me to just keep doing this with you indefinitely, but I need more. It’d be fine for a while, but I know I’m going to want more. When we started all this I said that I just wanted a guy to hang out with that would fuck me silly. I didn’t know I was going to fall in love with you.”

Feeling her eyes water now, she waved a hand and said, “Sorry.”

“Oh, Christ. Please don’t cry,” Chris said, taking her hand in his.

Snatching her hand back, she said, “Please, Chris. I just…please go. I can’t do this right now.”

Chloe wiped her hand against her cheek. Seeing the way that he stared at her now, she added, “I’m not doing this as some sort of shitty emotional warfare. I just really need you to leave now.”