Lip Service (Private Relations 2)

Deacon had been completely right earlier. He had been a useless mess since the last time they’d seen each other. He’d fucked things up with her royally. He was completely in love with her and he’d been an idiot not to see it. He’d been so concerned with giving her the power to hurt him that he hadn’t realized he was hurting himself. He couldn’t sleep well. He had no appetite anymore. He shook his head, disgusted with himself.

It was six fifteen by the time he got to Chloe’s place. Her car wasn’t in the parking lot, so he sat on the stairs outside her apartment and waited.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, she walked up the stairs and turned toward her apartment. Her expression went blank and she quietly said, “Hi.”

Standing now, he stretched his knee and said, “Hi. Can we talk for a minute, Chloe?”

Shrugging, she said, “Sure. Come in. I’ve only got a few minutes though. I’ve got a date.”

He felt a slice of pain deep in his chest at the thought of her possibly dating anyone else. He guessed it must have shown on his face because he saw her face twist for a moment.

Rubbing her hands over her eyes, she said, “That was stupid and petty of me. I don’t. I’m sorry.”

He felt a swift rush of relief, but all he said was, “I probably deserve it. Don’t be sorry.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “We said we’d be friends no matter what happened. There’s no excuse for deliberately trying to be mean.”

She sat down on the couch and gestured for him to do the same.

“So,” she asked, “What did you want to talk about?”

He looked at her face now. Her eyes seemed sad. She looked tired, as tired as he felt.

“I fucked things up horribly,” he said with no preamble. “You told me that you loved me. I freaked out and left. That makes me not only stupid, but a giant coward.”

Nodding, she agreed, “Yeah. Probably not your best moment.”

“No,” he agreed. “It wasn’t and I’m sorry for that. You deserve better than that.”

Nodding again, she said, “Apology accepted. I want us to be able to be friends. It’s going to take a while, though. I’m not ready.”

Shaking his head, he said, “I’m doing this really badly if you think what I’m doing here is just about being friends again. I told you about my ex and how I didn’t want to open myself up to that kind of loss again. I was an idiot. I walked out the door and did it to myself. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m a mess without you.”

When she started to speak, he said, “Please, let me finish saying it all. It’s not just me feeling guilty for hurting you, though that’s part of it. I still feel like a piece of garbage for making you cry.”

He saw something flicker over her face, and knew that that was exactly what she’d been about to say. He saw pain in her eyes, but also something that looked suspiciously like hope. Slightly encouraged, he took a deep breath and continued.

“Chloe, I’m in love with you. I’ve probably been in love with you since before we even started dating. I’ve been blind not to see it. I’ll be anything you want me to be for as long as you’ll let me be. Just give me another chance. Please don’t tell me it’s too late,” he said, feeling that horrible weight settle on his chest again as he waited for her to respond.

Wiping a stray tear that was trailing down her cheek, she whispered, “It’s not too late. I’ve missed you so much.”

Seconds later, he pulled her against him and rained kisses against her face.

When she wrapped her arms around him, he said, “Fuck. I’ve missed you so much. I was so stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t do that ever again. I don’t think I could take it,” she whispered against his skin.

Pressing his mouth against hers, he slid his tongue against her bottom lip, seeking entrance. As she allowed him entrance, she simultaneously crawled onto his lap. He clutched her to him, unable to get her close enough. Their tongues continued to mate until he broke the kiss because he was getting light-headed.

When they both drew back, panting, he said, “I love you.”

“I love you too. So much,” she said, squeezing him tightly against her.

He found her mouth with his again, nipping gently at her lips. He sighed against her lips when he felt her shift in his lap, straddling him now. He moved his lips down her jaw, to press hot openmouthed kisses against her neck.

When she rolled her hips against him, and tilted her head back giving him full access to the column of her throat, he moaned against her skin. Sliding his hands under the back of her sweater, he said, “I don’t know how I ever thought I’d be able to live without you.”

“It was awful. I was so lost,” she said, looking at him with a sheen in her eyes.