She took one shuddering breath and turned the locks. Sliding the chain off the door, she opened it and said, “Hey. What’s up?”
When he saw her face, something flickered across his that looked suspiciously like regret. Softly he said, “Shit. Don’t cry. I was an asshole earlier. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes watered again and she said, “No, no. I probably earned that.”
He shook his head and said, “No. You didn’t. Not really. Can I come in?”
She stepped back to let him in and gestured to the couch. She watched as his eyes scanned the ice cream container and the tissues.
He settled in and said, “Talk to me. Sit down. Tell me what you wanted to tell me.”
She hesitated, her heart pounding. “If you’re just doing this to make me feel better, you really don’t have to. If you’d rather not talk to me, I understand.”
A patient look settled over his face. He said, “Talk to me, Princess.”
Her heart fluttered at the use of her nickname. She took a deep breath and then said,
“I’m sorry. What I did was cowardly and selfish. I should have been honest and direct. Instead I took the easy way out and that was incredibly unfair of me. It’s just…Evan, you terrify me.”
“I get that now,” he said. He watched her, waiting for her to continue. Eventually, when she couldn’t find the words, he finally said, “Tell me why.”
“I don’t want to keep making this about my childhood, but that’s really where it starts,” she continued. “Every person I have ever loved has either died or sent me away. I’m terrified that if I lose anything else that I won’t be able to put the pieces back together again. When we were laying there and you…”
“Told you that I was in love with you,” he finished, when she broke off, unable to finish the sentence.
“Yeah. Then. All I could think was that if I said it out loud, if I said it back, that you’d leave. I’ve been waiting this whole time for you to leave. For you to figure out that I’m broken, or not what you’re looking for, or for you to just decide you were bored and move on.
Hurt flickered over his features as he said, “I don’t think that’s entirely fair.”
“You’re right,” she agreed. “It’s not a reflection on you. You never did anything to deserve it. You’ve been nothing but decent and kind. You opened your life to me, you opened your heart to me. Hell, you took me to your mom’s house for the holidays. The problem is me.”
“Okay,” he said.
She continued on as if he hadn’t spoken. “I just wanted to apologize. I unintentionally made you a victim of my personal garbage. You deserve better than that.”
“You do, too, ya know.”
“I do what?” she asked.
“Deserve better than what you allow yourself to have.”
She took a moment to absorb that thought, and then said, “You’re probably right.”
A tiny smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth as if to say, “Of course I’m right.” A moment later he asked, “So now that you know what the problem is, what are you going to do to fix it?”
“Counseling,” she said. “You were right when you suggested it before. I need to work it out and find some sort of peace or I’m going to continue fucking things up. I don’t want to be this way anymore.”
“That’s a solid idea,” he said. “I’m happy to hear it. Anything else other than counseling?”
She gave a watery laugh and said, “I’m going to start there and see what happens. Oh, and I need to apologize to Cora. She’s kind of pissed at me.”
“No. She’s hurt,” he corrected.
Taryn’s eyes narrowed and she asked, “You’d know this because?”
“We may have been commiserating earlier today via instant message,” he admitted uncomfortably.
She shrugged at him and said, “It’s my own fault. I fucked up the only two decent relationships I’ve ever had in a span of days. It makes sense that you’d talk about it with her.”