Incite (Sphere of Irony 1)

I nod and step out of the room so I can think more clearly. Being around him isn’t helping me to be rational about my choices.

Adam’s phone buzzes from the coffee table where he left it. I see Dax’s name and giggle. Then I see the photo that Dax sent and my heart constricts painfully. It’s Adam, half-dressed, pressed between two semi-naked women and he’s obviously enjoying himself. Horrified, I drop the phone and back away, swallowing down the bile that threatens to rise up.

I pull my own phone out of my handbag and see that I’ve missed… seven! calls from James. Shit! We haven’t spoken since our row last night in the car. What am I going to do? Did I break up with him the other night? Do I stay with James out of obligation, even though I don’t love him? I’ve stalled on setting a date for a wedding for so long that he must know something is wrong. But can I leave London? My mum? My job?

Then I think about leaving Adam, how I would feel if I never saw him again after today, and my body reacts violently. I have to hunch over, as if someone kicked me in the gut. My heart is beating so fast it hurts, and sweat begins to form on my forehead.

I drop onto the plush sofa and put my head between my legs. I have no idea what I should do. Can I be with a man who has fucked anything that’s been thrown at him? He’s always been like that though, even back in school he had slept with half of the girls there and it didn’t stop what we had from being amazing.

“Ellie? Are you alright?” Adam has rushed over to where I’m sitting and is crouching in front of me, gently pushing my hair back from my face.

“Yes, I was just thinking,” I take deep breaths to calm my nerves.

“Thinking what, Sweetheart?”

“Just about the choices I have to make.” I look into Adam’s eyes, the flecks of green and brown shining with emotion.

He sweeps me up into a bone-crushing hug. “Chose me, you won’t regret it, El. I promise.”

I think about th

at photo again and frown. That’s not the same Adam that I dated years ago. My Adam was caring and thoughtful and terribly sweet to me. Kate had hinted years ago that Adam took up drinking after we broke up. He’s not drunk now, in fact, he hasn’t had a drink all day except the champagne we sipped off of each other’s bodies. I’ve seen the gossip columns though, his drunken escapades have become legendary.

But he’s not like that with me, never has been. I don’t think he would be either.

Adam takes me down to the lobby, having already told his driver to meet us out front. He pulls his cap down low over his face and puts on a huge pair of sunglasses that make me giggle.

“What?” he asks, smiling at me.

“You look like a bug.” I flick his sunglasses with a finger.

“Trust me, it’s better than the alternative.” He visibly shivers in disgust. “I can’t go anywhere if anyone spots me.”

“Oh.” I don’t really think of Adam as famous, he’s just Adam. My boyfriend from school, not some international rock star. One with naked women draped all over him 24/7.

“Stop overthinking things, Ellie. I know that’s what you’re doing.”

Damn, how does he do that?

The driver hops out of a sleek black car and opens the door for me.

“El, you have my number. Ring me anytime, for anything. I have to leave tonight for our next stop on the tour. We only have a month left and then we can figure out everything else.” Adam leans in for a kiss.

“Okay.” I murmur against his lips.

“I’ll miss you so much El. We’ll be so great together, you’ll see. Just give us a chance.”

We kiss one last time before I get into the car and he gently closes the door. I watch as he ducks his head and hurries back inside the hotel, not wanting to be recognized on the street.

“Address, miss,” the driver says, startling me.

I tell him where to go and rest my head back on the soft leather seat. Today was so wonderful, but it was so terrible at the same time. I reunited with Adam, the only man I’ve ever loved and it was amazing. I’ve also become a liar and a cheater, having been unfaithful to James, who I’m supposed to love and marry. Or were we already broken up?

Of course, I don’t love James, and I’ve been putting off the marriage bit for months now. Still, he deserves someone better than me, a phony who keeps him around because she’s afraid of a bully from her past. It’s not fair to him. The thought of completely breaking it off with James makes me ill, but I haven’t got a choice. Adam should be my future, and I’ve waited long enough for that future to begin.

Then there’s Adam’s fame to consider. Can I live like that? With beautiful women throwing themselves at him constantly, quite possibly right in front of me? I saw Adam in school and at that party in L.A. He would shag anything in a skirt. Not to mention that picture, which I’m sure is just one of many. He says he’s in love with me, but would that keep him from taking what’s always going to be so readily offered?

“We’re here, miss.” The driver hops out and opens my door.