The comfort of having people who care about me, that I can depend on, gives me the strength to explain. “I’ve been seeing a doctor. A therapist, actually. He’s… he’s helping me come to terms with the accident so I can move on and have some sort of normal life.”
“Wow,” Gavin says.
Minds collectively blown.
“Yeah, wow.” I duck my head and shove my hands in my pockets. When my fingers brush across Hannah’s stone, I suck in a breath and continue. “He says I have PTSD.” Shit, this is so freaking embarrassing. “It won’t go away, but I can get better, so it doesn’t take over my life.” I wipe my hands on my jeans. Jesus, I’m sweating more now than I was onstage. “So, I’m going to keep seeing the doc, and see if I can stop being such a douche all the time.”
Gavin stands and pulls me out of the chair and into his arms, sweat and all. “I’m so fucking proud of you, dude.”
At first, all I can do is stand there, shocked. Then one by one, the guys crowd around, putting their arms around each other until we’re in one giant, sweaty group hug.
The mood is serious, too serious. So naturally, Adam says something totally inappropriate to break the tension. “Gavin, this isn’t turning you on, is it, mate?”
“Oh fuck you, Reynolds,” Gavin says good-naturedly as the rest of us laugh.
We break apart and I turn to Adam. “Don’t mess with Gavin. His boyfriend is fucking scary when he’s pissed.”
Everyone busts up laughing except for Gavin, who turns bright red. Ha! Ross moves to my side and claps a hand on my back. “I’m impressed, kid. Really impressed.” Now it’s my turn to blush.
“I think it was time. I wish I had worked it out sooner, but…” I shrug, the words tapering off as my chest tightens.
Ross looks at me, his eyes shining with moisture. “As long as you find happiness, Hawke. That’s all I care about.”
“Actually…” My voice cracks and I clear my throat. Shit. “I need your help with that.” I make eye contact with every member of my band, my family, my brothers.
Gavin nods his chin at me. “Anything. We’re here for you.”
I let out a long breath and tell them my plan.
Abby
“This is a terrible idea, Kate. I’m just going to grab a cab and go home.” I’m a wreck. My hands are shaking, I’m sweating all over, and my heart feels like it might explode out of my chest it’s beating so fast.
“Nonsense. Stop whinging. We’re in the audience for god’s sake. He won’t even notice us,” Kate chastises, blowing off my concern with a wave of her hand. “Besides,” she turns to look at me with a critical eye, her sharp gaze roving up and down my outfit. “You look gorgeous. Even if he did notice you, all it would do is let him know what he’s missing out on.”
Unconsciously, I smooth out the loose, fluttering tank top I’m wearing with black skinny jeans. “That’s the point, Kate. I don’t want Hawke to think he’s missing out on something. I don’t want him to notice me. We don’t work. We never will until he admits he needs help, serious help.”
Kate turns in her seat. “How do you know he didn’t get help? Have you called him? Have you checked in?” My mouth drops open. Hell, I have no response to that. “Hmmm, that’s what I thought.”
I glance up at the drum kit on stage, no more than thirty feet from our seats in the front row. “Do you know something I don’t?” When I swing my gaze back to Kate, she’s wide-eyed and fidgeting, like the kid who got busted with their hand in the cookie jar.
I’m about to question her, but at that exact moment, the lights go dark and the crowd around us erupts in shouts and high-pitched shrieks, effectively ending any chance at conversation with their deafening volume. Stage lights come on, and the guys are in their places, Adam front and center and Dax directly in front of us, strumming his guitar less than six feet away. I’m sure Kate planned our seats on purpose to be near her husband.
Squealing girls close in, trying to rush the stage, including where Kate and I are standing. A large security guard descends on the fans in our section, keeping the two of us in a protective bubble. I catch Dax’s eye and he winks.
My mouth falls open. He knows we’re here. I turn to my best friend and she simply grins. That little sneak! Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn’t. The entire front section of the venue has left their seats to surround the stage. I throw up my hands in defeat, causing Kate’s smile grow even bigger.
Once I give up on sneaking out, I begin to relax and have fun. It’s been so long since I’ve heard the band. Kate and I dance and sing along with the familiar tunes. Try as I might, my eyes keep finding Hawke. How he uses his entire body to create the backbone of each song. He looks beautiful, but different somehow. I can’t figure out what it is until the band pauses to take big gulps of water and catch their breath. Then it hits me.
Hawke looks happy. Truly happy. As long as I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him without that hint of sadness, that look of someone carrying an enormous burden on their shoulders.
I smile, glad he finally found some peace.
“You’re crying!” Kate shouts in my ear.
I lift a hand to my face and wipe away moisture. “I guess I am.” Maybe it’s because while I’m thrilled for Hawke, I’m also heartbroken he never found that kind of happiness with me.
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