“Why are you calling me?” I put my feet up and lie back on the sofa, completely overwhelmed by this unexpected conversation.
“Because Ellie’s been trying to reach you for ages. She can’t seem to get a message through to you. She’s emailed, called, and even written your record label with no response. Unless… unless you got them and don’t want to speak to her,” Gemma says cautiously.
I bark out a laugh, “As if I’d ever do that.”
“That’s what I thought,” she responds. I can practically hear her smiling through the phone. “So, do you want to see her as much as she wants to see you?”
“Gemma, I don’t know what else to say except I want to see her more than I want anything else in the world.”
“Well then, I’m just the girl to make that happen,” she says giddily.
After the fuck up with Sydney, I can only hope that Gemma is being honest, because I don’t think my heart can recover from another crushing blow delivered by Ellie Palmer.
38
Ellie
Damn, I should have planned this out instead of hurrying over here like a stupid idiot. I’m standing at the front door of the underground fight club that Dax’s family runs, peeking in the blackened window. It’s either really dark inside or the windows are painted black, because I can’t see a thing.
“Miss, you really shouldn’t be out here by yourself. Let me take you back to your flat.” I scowl and wave off the kindly cab driver and his concern, “No, I’m fine. You can go.”
“But…”
I spin on my heel and glare at the older man in the black trousers and white shirt. “Look, I appreciate your concern, really, but I need to speak with someone who works here. So, I’ll just wait until they get here if it’s all the same to you.”
“Whatever, it’s your life,” he mutters, slamming the car door shut.
The cab tears out of the gravel lot and disappears around the corner. Slumping down the graffiti covered brick wall, I sit on the ground and pull a crumpled piece of paper from my pocket. Using my shaky hands, I flatten it out the best I can and stare at Adam’s beautiful face. I’d already been thinking about reaching out to him when his GQ interview came out a few months ago. When I read how he felt about me, how he thought he drove me away after the hotel incident because he still doesn’t know that I’d lost my phone, I cried for days.
I’m the one who abandoned Adam after our hotel hook up. Without my phone I had no way to tell him about Callum’s attack and my stay in the hospital. For some reason, Adam thinks he’s to blame for why I didn’t contact him the next day. I was baffled by the revelation when I read it.
I unfold the other piece of paper that I keep with the picture, the one with part of his interview on it, and read the words that he said as if he were speaking directly to me.
AR: I let someone very important to me drift away. Well, actually, I pushed her away. Then, I thought I got her back, but I guess the damage I’d done was too much. Being sober forced me to figure out who I am and what I want. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. The song [Unconscious Devotion] is about what happened instead of what should have been.
GQ: Would you tell us who she is? I’m sure our readers want to know who is the woman that inspired that song, what she’s like.
AR: No. I’m not going to do that to her. You know full well what would happen if I gave you her name. She knows who she is. Well, I think she knows. I haven’t spoken to her in years, so I haven’t a clue.
GQ: Well, if she’s heard the song, I’m sure she knows what it’s about.
AR: Yeah, probably.
‘The song is about what happened instead of what should have been’. I read that line over and over, trying to make sense of how we went so wrong when it seemed like we were so right for each other.
I have no idea how long I sit on the ground, but it’s long enough for my arse to go numb by the time someone shows up to open the club.
“Excuse me? Can I help you?”
I jerk up and slowly stand on my shaky legs. “Yes, please. Oh!” I stop short when I see who I’m speaking to, “you’re Dax’s brother.”
The large man’s eyes narrow and his lips mash together in a tight line. “I don’t talk about Dax to fans,” he snaps. He turns his wide back to me and goes about unlocking the front door of the building.
“No.” I grab his massive bicep to keep him from leaving. The dark look he shoots me would make most people whimper and run away, but I have the power of desperation to make me brave. This is my absolute last chance at finding happiness.
“Don’t you remember me? I’m one of Dax’s friends from sixth form. You and I used to hang out at the DK together sometimes while the guys played their set. Shaun, right?” I pray that Dax’s brother hasn’t taken so many hits to the head in the ring that he can’t remember me and the time we spent together.
He pauses, his hand on the key in the lock. His intelligent eyes scan me one more time, searching his memory for those nights so long ago. “Ellie?” he asks, his forehead scrunched down in bewilderment.