The Complete Rockstar Series

“I hate that he’ll get away with it.” She scowls, turning to me. “Even if you saved your clothes, really, it would just be your word against his. What’s the point?” Her voice rises until she’s shrieking. “They always get away with it, Kate! I fucking hate it!”

My mouth falls open in shock. Abby swore. Sweet, easy-going, laid back Abby.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Don’t be sorry. He’s the sick bastard that did it, not you. You have nothing to be sorry about,” she snaps.

“I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” There’s nothing left to say. I’m drained. Completely drained.

“Well, you know I’m here if you need me.” Abby stands up. “Are you hungry? Want to order a pizza?”

“Sure. Let me clean up.” I haven’t eaten properly since she left for the holidays. I’m sure I’ll have to force the food down. Brilliant. Hopefully I don’t gag.

I turn the shower up as hot as it will go and step in, letting the water scald my skin. I’ve had dozens of showers since that night, but I never really feel clean. It’s as if I’m dirty all the time, tainted somehow. Even though Wes technically didn’t rape me, what he did makes me sick to my stomach every time I think of it.

Tears start flowing, mixing in with the water and washing down the drain. Each drop that falls represents something I’ve lost—trust, hope, my soul, Dax—the pain is so powerful it nearly doubles me over.

Dax is no longer the only man that’s touched me. I think that’s what hurts most of all.

Once I’ve stopped sobbing in the shower, I clean up and get dressed. It takes all of my energy to put on a pathetic sort-of smile as I head for the lounge. Abby already has the pizza open on the small table in front of the sofa and is dishing out pieces onto plates.

“Did you get out on Christmas at least? Or New Year’s?” she asks through a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese. I can tell by the pinched look on her face that my story affected Abby more than she’s letting on.

“Nah. I spent both days watching the telly. Loads of holiday movies on.”

I actually spent Christmas and New Year’s in bed. First, crying over Dax, then crying over Wes and what he did. The day after it happened, I broke down and rang Adam, letting him calm me down with his comforting voice. I don’t know why I called him.

Was it a subconscious way of reaching out to Dax? Maybe because he’s a tie to my home and that makes me feel safer somehow? I couldn’t ring up my parents and tell them. They’d never get over it. They’d make it their fault somehow. By letting me come to uni here.

Whatever my reasoning was, Adam was incredibly emotional over the whole thing. He’s a great listener, always has been. Adam is a very sensitive person.

It helps that both have our demons so we’re able to speak freely with one another. He still laments the loss of Ellie, trying to work through the guilt he feels for running her away after that posh party almost two years ago. I’m quite certain he’ll never be over that moment, never be over her.

I confided in Adam about the assault I suffered. He let me use him to vent my anger at Wes and at myself for getting so drunk that my judgment was impaired. Adam was the one who begged me to call the police, but by the time I did, several days had passed, any evidence long gone.

When I hung up I cried some more—not that I’ll be telling Abby any of that. She doesn’t need to know that I’m speaking to Adam.

“I really wish I had pushed you to come home with me. My parents would have loved to have you.”

She frowns and wipes her hands with a napkin. “I could have used someone there with me. My brothers were just awful. Jace is in those moody teenage years where all he wants to do is hide in his room and play X-Box or text his friends. Evan has been accepted to Columbia, in

New York, so his girlfriend was all over him dropping hints about how she’s always wanted to live on the East Coast.”

I smile for the first time in two weeks. Abby’s family is perfect, even if her brothers are annoying sometimes. “Is she going to go then? With your brother to New York?”

Abby laughs so hard she chokes on her drink. “No! Christ, no. My mom and dad would kill him. School always comes first with them. They wouldn’t let Evan screw up his future with the distraction of having his girlfriend tag along.” Abby makes a face, as if she thinks her parents are being ridiculous.

Unfortunately, I do know about difficult choices. Just like her brother and his girlfriend. My choice to be with the one I loved was taken away from me. Only, the decision to split us up didn’t come from a parent doing what they thought was in my best interest. No, it came from the person I trusted with my heart, only to watch him crush it to bits.

So what? I’m not the only one to lose someone. Is that supposed to make me feel better? Misery loves company? That’s rubbish, because right now, my miserable self wants to be left completely and totally alone.

56

Dax

Three months later.

“Christ you’re being a miserable bastard today,” Adam says, glaring at me from across the tiny sound studio. “What do you have to complain about?”