What did you expect, Davies? For her to cry for two years?
No. All I can hope for is that inside, she’s as lost without me as I am without her. That maybe some of the feelings she had for me are still there, even if it’s only a tiny sliver.
The young player trots off towards the building and Kate begins to put her gear away.
Now or never, Davies.
I’m about to call out her name when a dark haired man dressed in football gear jogs up to Kate. I was wrong. Kate wasn’t radiant when she was helping the girl with her ankle. She was merely doing her job.
When this bloke comes over, her entire face lights up in a way that makes radiant look dull. She’s stunning. She’s thrilled. She exudes happiness from every pore. The man lowers his mouth to hers, kissing her right there on the pitch.
Fuck. She’s in love. And it’s not with me.
58
Six months later
Kate
“Kate! Kate, wake up!”
I gasp, shooting up out of bed, my heart racing in terror.
“You were screaming. Are you okay?”
My eyes adjust to the dim light of my bedroom, finding my poor flatmate crouched over me, looking scared to death.
“I’m sorry, Abby. It was just a nightmare.” I fall back onto the bed, giving my trembling pulse a chance to slow down.
“Jesus, Kate.” Abby sits down on the edge of the mattress. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I should. I really should. The nightmares have been getting worse. So bad, in fact, that I’ve stayed up late every night for a week. Maybe talking about them will help make them stop.
It’s essential that they stop before I head overseas for the games leading up to the Olympics. That’s all I need is to terrify a teammate with my screaming nightmares. We’d both lose enough sleep to be crap on the pitch the next day.
“Abby…” I pause, taking in a shaky breath. “I’d like to tell you about my dreams.”
Abby’s eyes go wide, the whites standing out in the dark room. Her hand digs under the sheets for mine, gripping it tight when she finds it. “Of course. We’re best friends. Take your time. Tell me what the nightmare was about.”
Embarrassingly, the damn tears start welling up in my eyes. “Crap.” I use the corner of the duvet to wipe them off. How do I tell my best friend that I keep reliving the almost-rape from two and a half years ago? Only, in my dream, Dax and Lila are watching me, laughing.
I spend the next twenty minutes giving Abby a tearful version of the different nightmares. The fact that the incident happened in this very room. In this bed. Certainly makes them worse. Abby cries with me, climbing under the covers and stroking my head while I sob.
We lie there for a while, both of us emotionally wrung out. My stomach decides to growl quite loudly and inappropriately. Laughing, it breaks the somber mood and we decide to order takeaway.
“Nothing helps heal the heart like a giant, fatty meal,” Abby chirps as she digs through a junk drawer for the menu to a local Chinese restaurant.
“Ha!” I say sarcastically. “I wish. I’d be all fixed by now if that were true.”
Abby puts down the stack of menus, walking up to where I’m plunked down on the sofa. “Stop that, Kate. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve been through some really fucked up shit, okay? You’re allowed to feel. Even if it’s not always good or happy, just feeling something means you’re alive. No one expects you to be perfect and smiling all the time.”
I stare at my fingernails, suddenly fascinated by them. “I know that.”
She rips my hand away from my face. “Do you really know that? It’s okay to take time to heal. It’s okay to need to figure out who you are.”
I start to get defensive. “I know that, Abby! Why are you getting mad at me?”
“I’m not mad, Kate. I just, I wish we talked sooner, more often. That’s all. Maybe I could have helped before it got this bad.”