“He was partner at the bureau—another profiler. A seasoned one. One of the best, in fact. They put us together so I could learn from him.” I laugh, but nothing is funny. “What I didn’t know was that he had me profiled from the minute we met.”
“What do you mean?”
I turn and lock eyes with Gavin. “He knew I was gay. I didn’t even have to say a thing.”
“That’s good, right? So you didn’t have to tell him,” Gavin says.
“No. He never told me he knew and I never said anything.”
“What? Why?” Gavin’s forehead crumples up in confusion.
“Because he screwed with my head for six years. He flirted with me all the time, but never obvious enough for me to think he was interested. He would do things when we were on a case, staying in hotels together across the country. Like masturbate loudly from the bathroom, knowing I could hear him.”
“That’s sick,” Gavin snarls.
“Is it more sick that I let him do it for six years? I… I thought I was in love with him. But to him, it was all a game. I didn’t know what he was doing.” My face heats up with humiliation.
“I’m sorry, Mitch.”
“I should have known. I was…I am a brilliant profiler, but I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.” I drop my head into my hands, unable to meet Gavin’s gaze.
“Hey.” Gavin reaches over and pulls my chin up until our eyes meet again. “It’s not your fault, and I’m not judging you. People can be cruel.”
Gavin lets go and sits back, placing a comforting hand on my leg. That beautiful face pulls into a menacing scowl. “So, how did you find out what a twisted fuck he was?”
My eye starts to twitch and I feel the noose around my neck tighten. It squeezes, forcing me to consciously repress my gag reflex. I pluck at the loose collar of my shirt uselessly.
“Mitch, stop.” Gavin gets up and straddles my lap. I let my head drop back, staring up into those bright blue eyes. He lowers his mouth to mine and a wave of serenity washes over me, taking with it the anxiety. I grab his waist and kiss him back, accepting the comfort he’s offering.
We break apart when air becomes a necessity, but Gavin keeps his face close, brushing his nose alongside mine. “You don’t have to tell me, Mitch,” he whispers against
my lips.
“I do. I need to get rid of it. It’s been tainting me for so long. He’s all I knew for years. I didn’t even date. Six years, Gavin. Alone. It’s been…” I choke up. “It’s been difficult. But now,” I put a hand behind his neck, keeping him close. “Now I have you and I don’t want my past ruining it.”
Gavin nods almost imperceptibly.
“He came into the office the day after we broke a huge case. We were together day and night for weeks working on it. Grant tortured me more in that small period of time than all the years before it combined. I honestly thought he was beginning to have feelings for me.”
I close my eyes and swallow thickly.
“It was all a game. He was playing me, ramping up the innuendo, the looks, the flirting, just to destroy me with one jab of his knife.” I lick my lips and open my eyes. “He announced his engagement in front of a group of coworkers, staring at me arrogantly as he did it.”
“He what?” Gavin sits back, outraged.
“I didn’t even know he was dating someone. He never told me. Apparently, I knew nothing about the man. I was so hurt, so betrayed, I went home, got shitfaced drunk, and called him. Grant came over and I confronted him about everything, thinking I could convince him to break off his engagement if he knew how I felt about him.”
Gavin tenses under my hands.
“I kissed him and he punched me, choking me with my tie until I nearly passed out. His attack surprised me so much that I didn’t get a single hit in. He called me a bunch of slurs, stomped all over my heart, and left me lying on the floor of my condo, gasping for air. I resigned the following week without ever facing him again.”
“Mitch—”
“It’s over, Gavin. I was never in love with him. I know that now.”
“You sure?” he rasps.
I bring him in for another kiss. “Yeah, I’m sure.”