Fuming mad, I put the SUV in drive and pull out of the parking lot. For most of the nearly three-hour trip to Joshua Tree State Park, I fantasize about all the ways I can maim or injure the various paparazzi for intruding on my life. As if I don’t have enough shit to worry about. If they fucked up my relationship with Abby, I’d probably turn my fantasy of hurting them into reality.
After the band became famous, the media dug up and printed pictures of the car accident, ignoring the fact that actual human beings died that night. I lost everything and they turned it into two pages of entertainment. Two fucking pages. I didn’t think they’d ever hurt me as much as they did back then, but this? If Abby never speaks to me again because they falsely print I’m in a relationship with Jessica? I can’t even think of what I would do, I’d be so lost.
The sun is almost to the horizon when I reach the park. The sky is wide open here, with deep shades of navy and purple in the west. Pink and orange hues glow in the east where the sky meets the earth, casting a warm hue over the boulders and various rock formations. I quickly release my mountain bike from the rack and straddle it. With my pack strapped to my back, brand new hat and sunglasses in place, I head for the trails, determined to forget all the shit in my life for at least a few blissful hours.
Abby
“Dr. Kessler,” Justin says from the chair opposite mine. He’s looking better, marginally. At least his clothes and hair are clean. His body language, on the other hand, indicates he’s far from okay. Clearly agitated, Justin fidgets and twitches nonstop. “Where have you been?”
“I was on vacation, Justin.” I lay my hands flat on my lap so he won’t think I’m being defensive.
“Three weeks is a long time, Dr. Kessler.” Justin sticks out his lower lip, pouting. He’s so adorable, I want to scoop him up and cuddle him. Pet his head and tell him everything will be okay. But not only is it horribly inappropriate to do that to a patient, I can’t tell Justin everything will be okay. I don’t know what the future holds for him.
Inspired, I decide to try something different with this tormented young man. The truth.
“Well, Justin. To be perfectly honest with you, I was in therapy. That’s why I wasn’t here.”
Justin’s eyes narrow as they scan me up and down. “You’re awfully tan for someone who was in therapy for three weeks.”
I laugh, watching Justin’s pouty lips turn up in the corner. “It was a wellness resort for women, in Hawaii,” I explain. “We did a lot of outdoor activities.”
His eyes widen. “Wow, that’s so cool. Why hasn’t anyone ever suggested that for me?” Justin’s hands have stopped moving, his legs have stopped bouncing, he looks… hopeful.
“I’m not sure, Justin. I only recently found out about this place. I’m positive there are similar places for young people, or close to it. You should ask your parents and Dr. Mendel what they think.” I lean forward, nearly bouncing up and down with joy at the expression on Justin’s young face. “Why don’t I research wellness retreats and you talk to your parents, deal?”
Justin grins, the first real smile I’ve seen on his sweet face. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m helping Justin, a lost kid with a terrible illness, and not merely doing penance for the past, for Nick.
It feels good. It feels like…like the road to happiness.
* * *
“You have a lot of explaining to do, lady.”
I cringe at Kate’s harsh tone. “I know you were worried and I’m sorry. It was something I needed to do on my own, for myself. Without anyone else’s input.”
Kate huffs in disgust. “I’m not just anyone, Abby. I’m your best fucking mate. You know how worried we’ve all been?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it.”
“Right. Didn’t think about it. About us. Hawke was damn near to losing his mind, and you know how close he is t
o losing it on a good day. You vanishing nearly sent the poor bloke over the edge.”
I wrestle my emotions for a moment, determined not to let my worries about Hawke chip away my progress. I can’t go there. Not yet, anyway.
“Where the hell were you?” Kate asks before I can collect my thoughts.
“Oh. Ummmm, I was in Hawaii.”
“What?” I pull the phone away from my ear.
“Kate, you’re going to bust my eardrum.”
“You bloody disappeared without a word and you were on holiday in Hawaii?”
“Not a holiday, Kate.” I sigh and fall into a comfy chair tucked in the corner of my bedroom. “I went to a mental health resort.”
Silence.